Was I wrong to send him in like this?

[Longcovid21]

Reality check needed.
Ds 10 had massive holes in his trainers which appeared out of nowhere. A few days ago I saw a sale on the vans website and so took the opportunity to buy him some nice new shoes. They look like this.
www.schuh.co.uk/kids/junior-vans-old-skool-metallic-flame-black-and-silver-trainers/2662457850/

He hates them. He says they are too showy and was crying that he wanted to wear the trainers with holes in instead. Usually I let him choose his own shoes but on this occasion I just spotted a bargain.

Was I being unreasonable to basically make him wear the shoes and tell him that if he wore shoes with holes in school may contact social services for neglect (I was feeling desperate).

He was in tears. It was stressful all around.
I need a reality check about whether I was BU to push it? Normally he has his own way but I just couldn't send him in in bad holey shoes.

U for sending him in so upset

@TheChosenTwo

Those are not school shoes. The other ‘shoes’ with holes in were not school shoes either. Is your school non uniform? I’m fixated on this because they would not be allowed in the school I’m in, they are trainers.

Exactly! My kids schools would have sent child home! These are not school shoes in the slightest

Wow- some awful posts in here. You have definitely brought out the bullies on here - many of them commenting before even greeting your op properly.
Personally I wouldn’t have sent them in upset and never buy clothes/ shoes without prior approval as have learnt my lesson there.
You know your ds though and you said he seems ok with them now so ignore some of the vile comments.

[quote Longcovid21]@Superbabe64 as a teacher I am surprised you are on mumsnet during the school day. Also I am surprised that you would prefer child in your class to come to school on a wet day rather than with shoes not to your taste. As I've said there is no school shoe policy where we live in Wales.[/quote]
Hi op are you in wales in the uk ?

Some things end up in the sale for a reason

[quote Longcovid21]@Superbabe64 as a teacher I am surprised you are on mumsnet during the school day. Also I am surprised that you would prefer child in your class to come to school on a wet day rather than with shoes not to your taste. As I've said there is no school shoe policy where we live in Wales.[/quote]
Perhaps @Superbabe64 is on maternity leave, or off sick or simply works part time, @Longcovid21.

And much as you won't want to hear it, @Longcovid21, @BoredZelda is right to say that the opinion of a previous poster's 17-year-old is irrelevant - what matters is the opinion of your child, and he does not like the shoes.

I accept that you did what you thought was the right thing - ordered some shoes that you could afford, when you noticed your ds's shoes had given up the ghost - but where you went wrong was not asking him whether he liked the shoes before you bought them. At worst, you'd have had to wait until he got home from school - a few hours - before putting in the order - and you wouldn't have wasted money, when money is tight for you.

I do also understand being stressed, as a parent - I brought up three boys, and I know it has its challenges - but threatening him with social services was a major mistake, and I hope you have told him you were wrong to say it, and you are sorry.

You said they all wear trainers at school and play football at break time.

Football boots are completely different to trainers.

In future, let your son choose his own shoes. You tried but it didn't work. Can you return the rejected shoes for a refund?

Life used to be easier with school shoes - not that regulation shoes were very nice (certainly not for girls, I hated them; we had indoor and outdoor shoes and plimsolls for PE), but at least everyone wore the same. When my son was at school it was just a pair of black shoes from any shop, not regulation. Football boots were for football. Trainers were for at home.

Why are you sending your child to school in trainers?

Get him some more, if he had our life whatever but have you ever seen a teen movie and are you aware of the concept of social death? Poor dude probably realises hes going to be laughed at or something. If it made him that sad definitely don't make him wear them, life's too short. I quite like them personally, if that makes you feel any better...

They may be a bargain but they are bloody awful.

@BlondeWidow

Why are you sending your child to school in trainers?

Presumably because that school allows then. Ours does, once they are plain black.

Most primary here allow any footwear providing its black. Not plain black but mainly black. They'd be fine.
South England

Why are you sending your child to school in trainers?

Quick cancel the cheque

@BlondeWidow

Why are you sending your child to school in trainers?

Why are you asking?

Love those shoes but not sure they're suitable for school. Plus, it may not be what is fashionable in his school so he may be fearful of having a lot of attention on him

Bloody hell…so many getting wound up over not-school-shoes. Why is this such a bone of contention? Genuine ask…why do you love them so much?
Some schools request ‘school shoes’ as part of their uniform and others…don’t. My dd wears docs while ds wears hiking boots because that’s what he finds comfortable. It’s not an issue. Most kids wear black trainers. It’s a normal high school.

Yabu

As the mum of a 10 year old, he wouldn’t wear them either. It’s all black Nike trainers in his year, nothing else will do. I bought some cheap ones for PE but he wore them once was mocked and refused to wear them again, so started sneaking his old very ripped Nike ones out instead.

YABU, at 10 he is very aware of what he wants to wear and how he wants to present himself.

Take him shopping or look online and let him choose a pair. There are lots of options at that price point.

I choose DS4's shoes with him at this age, because he has opinions on what he wants to wear.

Wow. A lot of people are being damn right nasty on this thread- most of you all must have woken up on the wrong side of bed and thought , hey! Let's just put another poor woman down today, that we make my day. So called woman unity on this thread and I've seen the nastiness on AIBU for many years.

Op had good intentions. The old trainers were diabolical and no way could she let her son go into school like that. It would be a straight note to one of the safeguarding leads for neglect. It appears OP's son is at a relaxed school who are appear not to be hanged up on proper uniform.

Vans are not trainers and are very stiff. They are more like fashion shows nowadays. But you made a mistake, it's only Friday on the weekend, go to sports direct and let him choose some plain back trainers or whatever he wants for less than £20.09. Job down.

@Longcovid21

Holes don't appear overnight No they appeared one day.

They weren't £37 BTW that's not the sale price.

I guess I will be forced to get some shitty sweat shop trainers from sports direct then. Gosh you lot are conservative 😊. But point taken. No one likes them.

Doesn’t really matter how ‘conservative’ we are does it? They made your child cry.

For what it’s worth I think they’re fecking vile.

“Doesn’t really matter how ‘conservative’ we are does it? They made your child cry.

For what it’s worth I think they’re fecking vile.”

Did you enjoy typing that out to someone who has done nothing very wrong and who has gamely taken advice and rather a lot of disproportionate unpleasantness on board? A jab from one side and then the other.
I’m sure your dc have proper school shoes, you wonderful person.

@PrettyBluebells

Get a good permanent marker and colour out the silver.

That is what I was going to suggest too.