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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I wrong to send him in like this?

452 replies

Longcovid21 · 02/03/2022 10:32

Reality check needed.
Ds 10 had massive holes in his trainers which appeared out of nowhere. A few days ago I saw a sale on the vans website and so took the opportunity to buy him some nice new shoes. They look like this.
www.schuh.co.uk/kids/junior-vans-old-skool-metallic-flame-black-and-silver-trainers/2662457850/

He hates them. He says they are too showy and was crying that he wanted to wear the trainers with holes in instead. Usually I let him choose his own shoes but on this occasion I just spotted a bargain.

Was I being unreasonable to basically make him wear the shoes and tell him that if he wore shoes with holes in school may contact social services for neglect (I was feeling desperate).

He was in tears. It was stressful all around.
I need a reality check about whether I was BU to push it? Normally he has his own way but I just couldn't send him in in bad holey shoes.

OP posts:
LizBennet · 02/03/2022 10:47

I let mine choose their own at 10 tbh (obviously nothing ridiculous), but certainly when they have a design on I'd ask if they liked them first.

BeHappy91818 · 02/03/2022 10:48

They are not school Shoes so I don’t even know why you would buy them for school Confused

Eloise666 · 02/03/2022 10:48

I was thinking yanbu until I clicked the link… they’re quite… bold? 😂

So I went with yabu, sorry op.

SarahBellam · 02/03/2022 10:48

@Longcovid21

Holes don't appear overnight No they appeared one day.

They weren't £37 BTW that's not the sale price.

I guess I will be forced to get some shitty sweat shop trainers from sports direct then. Gosh you lot are conservative 😊. But point taken. No one likes them.

I don't think Vans are made by highly paid virgins sitting on golden cushions and eating Turkish Delight either.
Original poster
Longcovid21 · 02/03/2022 10:48

These are the ripped trainers. I think he would look awful going in ripped shoes as some ops have suggested.

OP posts:
ladydimitrescu · 02/03/2022 10:48

@Longcovid21

Holes don't appear overnight No they appeared one day.

They weren't £37 BTW that's not the sale price.

I guess I will be forced to get some shitty sweat shop trainers from sports direct then. Gosh you lot are conservative 😊. But point taken. No one likes them.

This is one of the best tantrumesque responses I've seen on here - the sweat shops and conservative mentions are just fantastic.

I'm not conservative - they are just fuck ugly.

ACNHmugoff · 02/03/2022 10:50

Even as cheap emergency shoes, they are hideous. Sorry but they are.

I've taken my kids to the supermarket with me to buy cheap emergency shoes for them when we've needed to. Then spent the money on something better that they get to choose when we can. I know people on MN would probably say I'm spoiling them but letting them have a choice in their clothing is one of the few things I'm happy to let them have.

iklboo · 02/03/2022 10:50

Having a different taste in shoes is not being conservative. They're fucking awful.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 02/03/2022 10:51

Wouldn't buy trainers for DDs without them trying them on first. Its not just look its width and feel and stiffness etc. Even my elder DD who prefers to replace the old ones with the next size up in exactly the same shoe.

At 10 I think many children have strong opinions on these things.

KatyRebecca84 · 02/03/2022 10:51

He’s old enough to have some choice surely?!

Theresamagicalplace · 02/03/2022 10:53

@Longcovid21

Holes don't appear overnight No they appeared one day.

They weren't £37 BTW that's not the sale price.

I guess I will be forced to get some shitty sweat shop trainers from sports direct then. Gosh you lot are conservative 😊. But point taken. No one likes them.

Your CHILD doesn't like them, that's the most important thing. If they want "shitty sweat shop" trainers get them. Also fwiw those vans probably come from the same place the sports direct stuff does Wink
LindaEllen · 02/03/2022 10:54

They're not school shoes, and at 10 I would expect him to be allowed some kind of input about what shoes he gets.

Luciemaie · 02/03/2022 10:55

Jesus Christ some people on here are vile. Guys, they are shoes. She’s sent him in with a pair he doesn’t like. Sure, they are not to everyone’s taste but is it really worth being nasty over? You can say things without being a complete cunt about it!

OP - I totally get why you grabbed a bargain. I think kids are very picky and often feel the pressure at school too. I know I did. I would let him choose next time or show him first. They don’t have to be from a rubbish brand if you are concerned about quality or from an ethical point of view but I would let him choose x

QforCucumber · 02/03/2022 10:55

So YOU like the Vans and therefore your son must wear them?

My Ds is 6, he comes with me to choose his trainers - he has his own mind, and though I would say no to ones which were inappropriate he has most of the choice himself (currently black and white adidas run falcons) not what I would wear, but it's not me wearing them

Rosieposie101 · 02/03/2022 10:55

You should have let him choose his shoes.

BurntO · 02/03/2022 10:58

I wouldn’t buy a 10 year old trainers like that without running it by them first. Some might love them but some really might not and I can definitely see a 10 year old being embarrassed to wear those. I think you handled the whole thing badly tbh

SageRosemary · 02/03/2022 10:59

Buy a black sharpie and get colouring. Swap out the white laces for black ones.

ANameChangeAgain · 02/03/2022 10:59

Agree with everyone else, choose your child's clothes at your peril! Can you send them back?
I'm projecting massively btw because my mum used to surprise me with the most horrendous grannie stuff from Littlewoods or Beewise sales when I was a kid, and I had to be grateful because at least I had nice new grannie clothes!

RebeccaCloud9 · 02/03/2022 10:59

But doesn't he have any other pair of shoes at home that he could have worn for a couple of days? Then tried again to buy some new shoes that he likes and are appropriate for school shoes?

northbacchus · 02/03/2022 11:00

Looking at goodonyou it looks like Vans are just as likely to be "shitty sweat shop" directory.goodonyou.eco/brand/vans

Bunce1 · 02/03/2022 11:00

10’is too old to be forced to wear something they hate.

PinkButtercups · 02/03/2022 11:01

I mean, my DS who is 2.5 has only ever worn vans just like myself really.

That's me, DP and DS's style. But those vans are not very nice.

And the fact he said he doesn't like them why didn't you just send them back?

Throw a tantrum as much as you like. Those shoes are not practical for school. They're barely waterproof are they.

It just seems like you can't bare the fact your son doesn't like them. Why not just go for an all black pair or better yet an actual pair of school shoes.

AryaStarkWolf · 02/03/2022 11:04

He should have some choice in his shoes surely? And sorry OP I have to agree with pps, those are pretty ugly

SillyLittleBiscuit · 02/03/2022 11:04

He’s never going to live them down.

KneadingKitty · 02/03/2022 11:05

They're cool but they're not school schoes so of course he's going to stand out. Mine would get told off for not wearing school shoes too. These are trainers to wear outside of school.