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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who’s in the wrong? Unsociable or sociable?

541 replies

ShittyFingers · 02/03/2022 08:26

Person A is pretty unsociable. She gets on the bus and looks forward to time alone to sit and think/daydream during her 1 hour journey.

Person B is sociable and looks forward the her 1 hour journey to chat.

Bus has lots of empty seats. Person B decides to sit next to Person A and try to strike up conversation. Person A is polite but makes it obvious she doesn’t want to talk. Person B is a little offended and thinks Person A is a miserable sod. After a few more attempts to make light conversation, person A moves seats. Person B now very upset and this plays on her mind all day.

Let’s say Covid isn’t a thing.

Who is unreasonable?

YABU - person A could have made more effort, it wouldn’t have killed her to chat

YANBU - person Bs wish to socialise doesn’t trump person A’s wish to not socialise

OP posts:
TheFlis12345 · 02/03/2022 08:58

Person B is insane! I would have been pissed off they had sat next to me on a half empty bus with plenty of seats, let alone haranguing with their inane chat.

TrashyPanda · 02/03/2022 08:59

@Eastpoint

This explains why so many MNetters say they have no friends. Practice saying ‘sorry I haven’t got the headspace to chat today’ and B will understand & leave you alone. B will also still take you to hospital when your partner can’t or babysit when there’s an emergency. Being surly isn’t the way to go.
B is a complete stranger. Who would ask a stranger to babysit, or take them to hospital?
Lweji · 02/03/2022 08:59

Nobody should be forced to do anything they don't want to. Person A is perfectly entitled to peace and quiet.
Person B needs to be kind to others and not force herself on them.

Ifailed · 02/03/2022 09:00

Whenever the usual debate about North and South England crops up, we're always told how friendly people in the North are and how they love to chat to anyone on the bus.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 02/03/2022 09:00

Think it's quite rude of both of them really. A to actually move, B to push it and then feel upset all day, they should move on, realise how to read the signs next time if someone isn't interested in chatting.

Lastqueenofscotland · 02/03/2022 09:01

Person B is a twat

Shoxfordian · 02/03/2022 09:01

A should move to London as this doesn’t happen here. B is the unreasonable one though

Satingreenshutters · 02/03/2022 09:01

Hate small talk. Unnecessary, wanky small talk. No point in it. Time wasting bollox. Takes up too much of my energy and it is unasked for and unwanted. Pox off with your cheery morning chat to some poor other fucker on the bus and leave me alone.

jojojane · 02/03/2022 09:02

I'm person A.

Person Bs desire to chat does not, in anyway, trump Person As desire for quiet.

That journey to work may be the only time in the day a person gets to themselves. The person feeling offended and hurt needs to take a step back, and realise they have no right to demand other peoples attention and time.

Lairymary · 02/03/2022 09:02

As a one off I (being an A person) might indulge B with polite but not overly interested conversation, but no way if they are both regulars. B would assume they can chit chat every day. This is what head phones are for!

DameHelena · 02/03/2022 09:03

@ForTheHorde

I would be person A in this situation and would be very unhappy with person B. However person A needs to be assertive and clear that they do not want to talk ‘It’s early, and I don’t really feel like talking’ or something like that. Some people do lack social cues and you need to be direct.

I also don’t actually think it’s as rude as some posters above are suggesting to engage a stranger in chat. It’s only rude if that person has been clear they’re not interested and they continue anyway.

I agree, as a general principle I like stranger chat. I don't think it's rude per se. Person A needs to say e.g., 'I would like some quiet time just now so I can get myself ready for my day. Hope you have a nice day.' In a pleasant tone and with a pleasant expression, but firm. If person B doesn't get that, then they ARE rude.
throughtheair · 02/03/2022 09:05

Seeings as they are strangers, and there were lots of empty seats, B was unreasonable to sit next to A in the first place. Who does that?!

Elphame · 02/03/2022 09:07

@sunflowerdaisyrose

Think it's quite rude of both of them really. A to actually move, B to push it and then feel upset all day, they should move on, realise how to read the signs next time if someone isn't interested in chatting.
Why is A rude?

She is being talked at, has made it clear she doesn't want to chat and is facing an hour of having her wants and needs trampled all over.

She has no obligation to be "polite" and have her journey ruined.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 02/03/2022 09:07

One is an introvert, one is an extrovert, they both think they are right. As an introvert person B would annoy me but person A was a bit rude. Person A should perhaps sit in the aisle seat so there isn’t a spare seat accessible beside them.

AlisonDonut · 02/03/2022 09:08

@throughtheair

Seeings as they are strangers, and there were lots of empty seats, B was unreasonable to sit next to A in the first place. Who does that?!
An attention seeking person?

Like one that starts a poll on here so that she can sit next to A again and say 'see, Mumsnet says you must talk to me when I demand it'.

Crimeismymiddlename · 02/03/2022 09:09

Person B is obviously in the wrong. People on her regular bus must dread her getting on.
I always have earphones in, and sunglasses
If weather permits to stop people talking to me on buses.

FiftyStoriesHigh · 02/03/2022 09:09

They're strangers? No way. Person B is in the wrong and no doubt Person A feels pretty rotten too and it's exactly that kind of social awkwardness that she hates and is seeking to avoid.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 02/03/2022 09:09

B is in the wrong.

Being sulked at because you don't want to provide entertainment to a stranger who can't sit quietly on a bus for an hour. 🙄

MarinoRoyale · 02/03/2022 09:09

Person B doesn’t get to dictate how Person A spends their time.

User76745333 · 02/03/2022 09:10

Person B (presumably you OP) needs to show more respect for others. A significant number of people wouldn’t want to be engaged in conversation with a random person. Person B needs to satisfy her need to socialise by communicating with her own friends and family, not by imposing on others

WouldIwasShookspeared · 02/03/2022 09:11

Who are you in this scenario? You must be either b or a friend of bs otherwise you wouldn't know it's upset b all day.

FuckThatBullshit · 02/03/2022 09:12

A classic example of a needy extrovert not being able to understand or respect a quiet introvert. They are so fucking irritating.

MichelleScarn · 02/03/2022 09:12

Why should A have to make decisions and movements to avoid B?!

MsTSwift · 02/03/2022 09:12

My heart sank when I realised a partner at my work got the same train as me. Was relieved when he strode up and said “how lovely that we get the same train everyday I shall say good morning but enjoy my alone time” he was preaching to the converted!

WimpoleHat · 02/03/2022 09:12

B was in the wrong; she didn’t pick up on the obvious social cues. I find a book very helpful for this if I don’t want to talk. I’ll answer politely and briefly, but make it obvious that I’m reading. People seem to accept that more than “I don’t want to talk to you”.