Who’s in the wrong? Unsociable or sociable?

[ShittyFingers]

Person A is pretty unsociable. She gets on the bus and looks forward to time alone to sit and think/daydream during her 1 hour journey.

Person B is sociable and looks forward the her 1 hour journey to chat.

Bus has lots of empty seats. Person B decides to sit next to Person A and try to strike up conversation. Person A is polite but makes it obvious she doesn’t want to talk. Person B is a little offended and thinks Person A is a miserable sod. After a few more attempts to make light conversation, person A moves seats. Person B now very upset and this plays on her mind all day.

Let’s say Covid isn’t a thing.

Who is unreasonable?

YABU - person A could have made more effort, it wouldn’t have killed her to chat

YANBU - person Bs wish to socialise doesn’t trump person A’s wish to not socialise

Person B needs to learn to read the room. No issue in sitting next to someone and initiating conversation but it is easy to tell if someone wants to chat or not. If they don't want to chat then take the hint and leave them alone.

I am more like Person A, time on a bus is time to read the news, read a book or just watch the world go by. I would happily chat to a friend if they happened to get on but my ideal would be to be left in peace.

Sitting next to someone on a bus when there are double seats vacant is unnecessary and inappropriate.

YANBU

Are you person B 🤔

I’m person A. I mentioned the encounter to someone else who often gets the same bus and she said something along the lines of “Oh do you mean Michelle? Bless her she talks to everyone! She’ll have been thinking about it all day after that”. I ended up feeling guilty!!

Well the person C can try to sit next to "Michelle" Person B each time she sits in the bus!

I think you dealt with it well @ShittyFingers

Of course you have a right to sit in quiet and not feel obliged to talk to a stranger in the bus. You indicated you didn't want to talk and then you subtly moved when you couldn't stand her unwelcome intrusive chatter any more.

It is worth in future thinking about having ear phones in your bag and carrying a book so you can put them in and start reading as a barrier to people intruding.

But I would absolutely move if I had to if someone was pestering me on a bus. That's what person B was doing. She may have meant no harm but it was uninvited and causing you discomfort and anxiety when you just wanted to close your eyes /and daydream or think quietly on your way home after work.

Alternatively I would probably had say before moving "I don't want to talk, I'm tired please stop talking" , groaning and putting my head into my hands to block off her noise- and then shifting to out my back to her whilst looking out the bus window ! But you were polite to move seats too...

Bold fail!!!!

This was meant to be in bold " I’m person A. I mentioned the encounter to someone else who often gets the same bus and she said something along the lines of “Oh do you mean Michelle? Bless her she talks to everyone! She’ll have been thinking about it all day after that”. I ended up feeling guilty!! "

If I'm standing at a bus stop where someone I know well is also waiting for the bus, I smile and say "Hello" if they look my way but wait for them to start chat. Regardless, when we board the bus I never sit by them, preferring to sit further back in the aisle seat with bags on the window side. When she gets off (which is before me) then she'll turn and say goodbye as do I.
I hate forced conversation.
My AC say that it's only old ladies who strike up conversations with strangers at bus stops.

"My AC say that it's only old ladies who strike up conversations with strangers at bus stops."

I'm sure a read a book where the author says that his mum would talk to anyone & got on so well with someone I think on a bus journey that they went on holiday together!

May have been Deric Longden.

Yes - it was Deric Longden - I’d forgotten that story. Thank you, @diddl.

@Viselli

I'm a Northerner; someone wanting to have a friendly chat wouldn't bother me at all, and I don't consider it rude or in any way offensive!

I'm a Northerner; someone wanting to have a "friendly chat" in a forum where I haven't shown the slightest interest in such waffle would piss me off to high heaven and I would also find it as rude as unsolicited mail, phone calls and knocks to my front door.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

Yes - it was Deric Longden - I’d forgotten that story. Thank you, *@diddl*.

Iirc his dad died quite young & his mum was on her own a long time.

Pete Postlethwaite & Thora Hird in Lost for Words

Not sure if it was then or earlier.

Also I think they once they were talking about when she died did she want to be buried or cremated "oh I don't know, love-surprise me".

There aren't many people who I never knew but wish I had & they are definitely two of them!

person B is a dick

@diddl

"My AC say that it's only old ladies who strike up conversations with strangers at bus stops."

I'm sure a read a book where the author says that his mum would talk to anyone & got on so well with someone I think on a bus journey that they went on holiday together!

May have been Deric Longden.

aww that's a lovely story about the authors mother.

@WhackusBonkus then they should probably call a friend, or sit next to someone who is giving the social cues for a conversation. No one is obliged to converse with a stranger, you are not entitled to their companionship.

If it happens again, you can say, you are sorry you are mentally preparing for a very important presentation in your head for work and need complete quiet.

Thought of this thread today. A girl on the bus kept talking to me non stop this afternoon even though I made it clear I did not want to chat. I ended up having to get off the bus and catch another one. Was really annoyed as she was so persistent and would not shut up.