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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who’s in the wrong? Unsociable or sociable?

541 replies

ShittyFingers · 02/03/2022 08:26

Person A is pretty unsociable. She gets on the bus and looks forward to time alone to sit and think/daydream during her 1 hour journey.

Person B is sociable and looks forward the her 1 hour journey to chat.

Bus has lots of empty seats. Person B decides to sit next to Person A and try to strike up conversation. Person A is polite but makes it obvious she doesn’t want to talk. Person B is a little offended and thinks Person A is a miserable sod. After a few more attempts to make light conversation, person A moves seats. Person B now very upset and this plays on her mind all day.

Let’s say Covid isn’t a thing.

Who is unreasonable?

YABU - person A could have made more effort, it wouldn’t have killed her to chat

YANBU - person Bs wish to socialise doesn’t trump person A’s wish to not socialise

OP posts:
Gizlotsmum · 02/03/2022 08:42

Person B should have taken the hint from Person A. It’s tricky as neither of them will have the outcome they want, it sounds like Person A was polite and that was ignored so they moved.

hauntedbillybass · 02/03/2022 08:44

I'm person A. Absolutely hate sitting and chatting on buses.

If I see someone that might try to speak to me I put my headphones and sunglasses on.

Are these people actually friends?

SummerRain41287 · 02/03/2022 08:45

Who wants to chat for a whole hour, in the morning, for the entire journey? Confused

SockFluffInTheBath · 02/03/2022 08:46

B needs to take the hint. A isn’t a miserable sod for wanting a bit of peace.

billy1966 · 02/03/2022 08:46

Hugely intrusive once it was clear that person A wasn't interested in chat.

Person B needs to get over herself.
Person A is entitled to a quiet journey without company.

TidyDancer · 02/03/2022 08:47

Oh person B is definitely in the wrong. Not everyone wants to chat and when it's obvious she'd picked the wrong person she should've backed off.

BloodyN0rah · 02/03/2022 08:47

B is BU though might be lonely. A needs earphones.

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 02/03/2022 08:47

I had this when I was a college student and some random used to talk at me each and every morning. I ended up having to catch an earlier bus to avoid her.

SpiderVersed · 02/03/2022 08:48

Person A needs headphones or a book. Or to be polite and honest, and say “I don’t really like to chat, please excuse me while read the news” or something.

Person B needs to get better at reading social cues.

Moving seats is extreme thing to do and will make future bus trips awkward.

StCharlotte · 02/03/2022 08:49

I'm the most chatty and sociable person I know but Person B is a twat quite frankly.

Eastpoint · 02/03/2022 08:49

This explains why so many MNetters say they have no friends. Practice saying ‘sorry I haven’t got the headspace to chat today’ and B will understand & leave you alone. B will also still take you to hospital when your partner can’t or babysit when there’s an emergency. Being surly isn’t the way to go.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 02/03/2022 08:49

A needs to either be more assertive or use headphones to ignore B.

B isn't unreasonable to be chatty but needs to learn to take a hint!

MaxCrashtappen · 02/03/2022 08:50

I'm a B but also would recognise who does or does not want to chat. I certainly would not try more than once, and not at all if I wasn't get a 'I'm open to conversation' vibe.

People have a right to quiet enjoyment and it should be respected.

MichelleScarn · 02/03/2022 08:51

@Eastpoint

This explains why so many MNetters say they have no friends. Practice saying ‘sorry I haven’t got the headspace to chat today’ and B will understand & leave you alone. B will also still take you to hospital when your partner can’t or babysit when there’s an emergency. Being surly isn’t the way to go.
Why would a random stranger as B and A are babysit or take you to hospital?
Thirkettle · 02/03/2022 08:51

I don't talk to strangers. Frankly a stranger coming up and starting to talk at me would get a rude response indeed. If you're so socially inept you think that's appropriate you're about one step away from aggression in my eyes. As can be seen by how angered and affronted they get when you tell them to leave you alone. Nutjobs spoiling for a fight.

XmasElf10 · 02/03/2022 08:51

I am person A - please don't talk to me. I don't do polite conversation, I'm really bad at it, it makes me uncomfortable. I get it wrong. I have ASD but it isn't obvious and I mask all day at work which is exhausting. If I'm not at work I just want to go about my day without having to make an effort to pretend to be normal. Normally I read but even that doesn't stop randoms trying to talk to me... "what are you reading?" Is enough to make we want to scratch out your eyeballs.

Thirkettle · 02/03/2022 08:51

@Eastpoint

This explains why so many MNetters say they have no friends. Practice saying ‘sorry I haven’t got the headspace to chat today’ and B will understand & leave you alone. B will also still take you to hospital when your partner can’t or babysit when there’s an emergency. Being surly isn’t the way to go.
They're total strangers, not friends.
JustLyra · 02/03/2022 08:52

Person B is really rude to have pushed the point after A wasn’t interested and for being irritated.

A isn’t on the bus for B’s benefit.

And not wanting an hour long chat with a random doesn’t make A antisocial.

user1471457751 · 02/03/2022 08:52

@Eastpoint I would hope nobody would ask a stranger they see on the bus to babysit for them.

MaxCrashtappen · 02/03/2022 08:53

I absolutely love a random chat though and it really lifts my spirits Grin

TicTacHoh · 02/03/2022 08:53

I can't get my head around any people who see someone regularly on the bus thinking that this means they can sit down and demand strike up a conversation. This is so odd.

I used to get the same tube to work as a really good friend from work, but sometimes if I saw her ahead I would slow down and get on a different carriage. Even if you're actually friends, sometimes you just want to be alone with your thoughts/listen to music/zone out

PuppyMonkey · 02/03/2022 08:54

B will also still take you to hospital when your partner can’t or babysit when there’s an emergency

It’s just a random on the bus, I don’t think lifts to hospital enter into this relationship.Grin

(Plus if they’re always on a bus I suspect they don’t have a car Wink)

muckandnettles · 02/03/2022 08:55

I'm quite sociable and love to chat, but wouldn't like some random forcing chat on me if I didn't feel like it.

Elphame · 02/03/2022 08:56

I was prepared to say neither but in this case B is being very rude.

A is not obliged to spend her precious time listening to her.

ForTheHorde · 02/03/2022 08:57

I would be person A in this situation and would be very unhappy with person B. However person A needs to be assertive and clear that they do not want to talk ‘It’s early, and I don’t really feel like talking’ or something like that. Some people do lack social cues and you need to be direct.

I also don’t actually think it’s as rude as some posters above are suggesting to engage a stranger in chat. It’s only rude if that person has been clear they’re not interested and they continue anyway.