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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who’s in the wrong? Unsociable or sociable?

541 replies

ShittyFingers · 02/03/2022 08:26

Person A is pretty unsociable. She gets on the bus and looks forward to time alone to sit and think/daydream during her 1 hour journey.

Person B is sociable and looks forward the her 1 hour journey to chat.

Bus has lots of empty seats. Person B decides to sit next to Person A and try to strike up conversation. Person A is polite but makes it obvious she doesn’t want to talk. Person B is a little offended and thinks Person A is a miserable sod. After a few more attempts to make light conversation, person A moves seats. Person B now very upset and this plays on her mind all day.

Let’s say Covid isn’t a thing.

Who is unreasonable?

YABU - person A could have made more effort, it wouldn’t have killed her to chat

YANBU - person Bs wish to socialise doesn’t trump person A’s wish to not socialise

OP posts:
50DaysAF · 03/03/2022 17:52

Absolutely hate it when people talk to me on the bus.
‘Good morning’ and a smile is the most I can manage. Don’t start chatting about the price of oil at 7.15am. I’m not interested.

CountryMouse22 · 03/03/2022 17:55

Person A might be the only person Person B speaks to all day.

GretaS · 03/03/2022 17:58

People travelling on the bus who like to make conversation might be lonely and not see people except when out. What a shame people seem so rude and aggressive to a stranger whose circumstances you don't know. Can you really not make an effort to be kind and give someone a few minutes of your time, however banal the conversation?

dcthatsme · 03/03/2022 17:59

I think I'm the kind of person who hates to hurt people's feelings so unless the chatty person was really horrible and mean I'd put up with the chat. I/person A might even be pleasantly surprised and make a friend. In my opinion, it's quite extreme and rude to move seats unless B is being offensive. If B is trying to chat A up and won't take no for an answer and is coming on strong I also think A is justified in moving. It's hard to comment unless we know a bit more about these characters.

EliyanahM · 03/03/2022 18:00

I think person A moving seats is rude, without polite apology and explanation. "in don't mean to offend you but I'm just feeling like being by myself right now, let's catch up another time :)"

katepilar · 03/03/2022 18:00

As person A I would also change seats. One of the reasons I prefer train to coaches and busses as it easier to change seats.

Once I had a person behind me on the train to poke his face through the gap between the seats and said he thinks I too want to chat. He scared the hell out of me and I wanted to instinctively move elsewhere.

I also had this happen - almost empty carriage, lots of empty compartments and this lady checks their are empty and chooses to go right into where I was. I left in a panic and hoped she was not going to follow me.

Lclaytonuk5555 · 03/03/2022 18:01

If one is an introvert and one is an extrovert there will always be occasions like this. No one is wrong.

Sumtimesiamgreen · 03/03/2022 18:02

Person a should not have to sacrifice her happiness to please person b.
Person b should not be an entitled prick to demand attention.
Find your own social enterprise instead of expecting it from others

peboh · 03/03/2022 18:03

Person B. I would also have moved seats, though I would have been honest up front and said "I'm really not up for a chat today, so I'm just going to love"
I rarely take public transport for this reason, and when I do I make sure I have my headphones in and I'm reading something so that people don't get the idea that I'm open for a chat.

ClemFandangoo · 03/03/2022 18:04

The thing with chatters on public transport is that they fall into two categories, the ones who just exchange pleasantries then go about their own thing and then the ones who once you even do much as smile back will just monologue at you non-stop. The issue is you don’t know which they are until you’ve engaged with them so I often don’t.

As sexist as it may seem most men fall into the latter and saying ‘hello’ back seems to give them the green light to chat at you for the rest of their journey. Then of course you get the ones who then see your politeness as a come on and then won’t leave you alone or follow you off the train/bus. One man kept demanding to know where I worked and my ‘in town’ got him angrier and angrier. ‘BUT WHERE? WHERE IN TOWN?!’ I’m not telling you you freak now go away!

I generally like having a short chit chat with women if they start the conversation but won’t engage with men really because of the above.

Scotland32 · 03/03/2022 18:05

Grrr, I’d not be happy if person B cornered me on the bus!! But just because someone wants an hour of peace and quiet on the bus doesn’t make them ‘unsociable’, it just means they want some quiet time alone!

summerin69 · 03/03/2022 18:05

Person B - initial chat no problem but if they’re not picking up on the cues that the other person doesn’t want to talk and then makes it all about themselves (getting offended) then they’re completely insensitive. What if person A had had a recent bereavement or break up…?

MummysBusy · 03/03/2022 18:07

Both. Person A needs to say what she needs, person B needs to pick up on social cues. It was super rude to move, though.

ldontWanna · 03/03/2022 18:07

YABU.

Person A was polite and kind enough to engage in some small talk even though she didn't have to. B didn't get the hint. Tough titties.

katepilar · 03/03/2022 18:11

PS. I would make a short smalk talk at the start of the journey if the other person wanted or even iniciate like two sentence exchange to feel more comfortable next to a person but if they continued talking I would get into panic.
I also hate it when the other person sticks an elbow /hair / knee/ sleeve / foot into my space. I once had a person on a plane tell me he can have his leg well into my space because he was there first. Uh.

cherish123 · 03/03/2022 18:12

Depends if they know each other. If they do, it's rude not to speak. However, I do sympathise as I often don't want to make conversation.

If they don't know each other, you don't sit next to someone if there are plenty of seats.

Laurie000 · 03/03/2022 18:17

I’m like person A. I used to take the scenic route/massive detour home when I still lived with my parents to give myself time to decompress from a hectic day at work, as I knew that as soon as I walked through the door my dad would want to chat. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I needed some quiet time. May I suggest buying some noise cancelling headphones, if you don’t already own a pair. The over the ear ones would be great, so it’s obvious you are wearing them and turn your head slightly to look out the window. Perhaps you could carry a book with you to pretend to read (just remember to turn a page once in a while).

monty09 · 03/03/2022 18:19

Person B unless of course they know that person.
This is the exact reason I listen to music while I travel.

THEDEACON · 03/03/2022 18:20

This is why I wear headphones even when they aren't plugged in to a device !

stuntbubbles · 03/03/2022 18:21

@CountryMouse22

Person A might be the only person Person B speaks to all day.
Not Person A’s problem to solve.
Alip1965 · 03/03/2022 18:22

I would of moved too... fucking divvy person B should mind their own ...

mrst3 · 03/03/2022 18:24

I think this is really sad I’d always make time for people who wanted to chat. They could be really really lonely and loneliness must be really awful 😢

EmpressSuiko · 03/03/2022 18:25

Person B!
Stop forcing introverted/socially awkward/shy/quiet people into uncomfortable situations. Not everyone enjoys socialising, some people truly find peace and enjoyment when they are in their own company.
It’s incredibly draining having to socialise, especially when you really don’t want to

crispmidnightpeace · 03/03/2022 18:25

I'm chatty but if I'm not in the mood I just pretend I'm a movie star on their 50th interview and hates it but has to do it or the studio will sue me for failing to fulfil my duties.

OMG12 · 03/03/2022 18:27

Person B should consider themselves lucky to not currently be buried under Person As patio.

I love alone time. I would have acted exactly as person A. Type B is the sort of person who talks to you whilst you’re reading a book.