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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DS and GF making noise - WIBU? DS thinks so!!

156 replies

Lovedivine · 28/02/2022 18:59

DS Lives at home and his GF stays here at least 3 times a week. Both are 21, him working, her a student. No doubt they would love a place of their own but costs are high and I believe they are saving (DS GF graduates soon).

I’m very liberal really, they come and go as they please, mostly stay in DS’s room (in bed) and usually are quiet and fine.
I’m a little 😕 at the amount of time they spend laying in bed (no help from them) but they’ll generally keep his room tidy. I will cook and they’ll come down and eat in the kitchen but are back upstairs as soon as they can.

The GF can sometimes stay 3 days and not make any moves to shower 🤮, she’s not much of a hand washer either as you hear the loo flush and she’s straight out with no tap running. I’ve overlooked lots as DS can be a moody bugger and there are greater battles to be had.

Last night however I was woken at 12.30am, slight bumping noise, the odd voice noise etc, this went on and on, nothing too loud but enough to stop me dropping back off. At 2 am I heard DS door open and being at the end of my tether I shot out of bed and stopped DS on the landing and actually shouted how I’d had enough, it was the start of the week - I’m up at 5.30 for work etc.
I said that if this was how it was to be then she won’t be welcome to stay when we have work the following day.

I could not go back to sleep so have now been awake since 12.30am
Apparently I’m unreasonable for making such a fuss during the night and GF left this morning and was upset by all accounts.
I’ve said frankly I don’t care and it’s my house and I expect quiet to sleep. DS argues his it’s home too (he pays £50 a month as he saves the rest). Was I unreasonable to shout at 2am and threaten to stop GF coming or should I have stayed quiet?

The quicker they save up and move out the better!!

OP posts:
Wiredforsound · 28/02/2022 19:04

You are absolutely not unreasonable and they have been deeply inconsiderate. It is not acceptable to be continuing to make noise at 2am when you know other people have gone to bed and need to get up early. They must know this.

CaMePlaitPas · 28/02/2022 19:09

In what world would you be unreasonable?! Time to encourage a move out I think!

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 28/02/2022 19:12

In what world does a 21 year old think paying £50 a month,allow two people to do whatever they want in someone else's house?!

Pebbledashery · 28/02/2022 19:13

The fact you are 100 % reasonable in your actions should've made you sleep better. She's a lazy, dirty lay about. How dare they treat your house like this. I wouldn't be allowing her to come over in the week when you have work. He can move out if he's concerned.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 28/02/2022 19:14

YANBU!

MrsMoastyToasty · 28/02/2022 19:15

I was paying £50 per month for my keep. 30 years ago!

TempleBlossom · 28/02/2022 19:15

Nope
We had 11pm cut off unless they went out in which case ear plugs in.
Luckily my DS was a sleep hound so often in bed by 10.
I would be raging

Jellycatspyjamas · 28/02/2022 19:16

That’s ridiculous behaviour, they’re young adults and should be taking responsibility for their hygiene (as an absolute minimum) and behaving respectfully to the other people in the house. I’d have had something to say too.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 28/02/2022 19:17

The laying in bed all the time not engaging in the family home would really annoy me. He wants then benefits of family life(cheap rent) but not to participate, maybe shouting at 2am wasn’t the best move but yanbu.

Martianworld · 28/02/2022 19:19

What a lazy pair of arses, lying around all day, never helping, and expecting to be fed...and then their shagging keeps you awake. Ugh. I wouldn't put up with that for £12.50 a week. I'd buy him a couple of nice presents. A suitcase and a local newspaper with rented flats in it. At 21, it's time to fly the nest and take his poo fingered gf with him.

NeverChange · 28/02/2022 19:19

Laughing a the audacity of you son who is contributing less than a £1 each a day for both of them to stay in the house.

If being quiet and considerate to others is too much to ask I'm sure he can find more accommodating alternatives!!

Her lack of hygiene would disturb more more than the sleep tbh.

Mojoj · 28/02/2022 19:20

£50 per month? You're a mug and he's completely disrespecting you.

EatN0SleepTILHolidaz · 28/02/2022 19:20

I grew up in a home where the rule was "nobody in the bedroom"
I moved out as soon as possible !

You agreed to let people stay over
You agreed with little socialising with the rest of the family, in family space

£50 per week

Cheapest hotel rooms for one night are just under £50 !

MaryStuart · 28/02/2022 19:25

Hell no. At £50 a month they should both be bloody grateful. Cheeky fuckers.
I’d also have to bring up the lack of showering / hand washing. Manky.

Lovedivine · 28/02/2022 19:27

Thanks all, my thinking is that I understand how hard it is for youngsters now and they don’t piss their money away. I’d like to think that the reduced rent is helping them to get their own place quicker.
GF is a lovely wee thing (like you say tho, hygiene a little questionable but DS is also a bit of a shower avoider - once every other day). He airs his room and due to us doing the laundry he’s always in clean clothes.

The fact I made her embarrassed and upset though has played on me today but I’m so bloody tired! I’ve swung between feeling outraged and sorry I made her feel unwelcome 🥴

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 28/02/2022 19:28

How about they buy their own food cook it, tidy up after themselves and do their own laundry? £50 a month only covers the roof over his head, nothing more. No hotel or restaurant services.
They just need to keep the noise down a bit.

TonTonMacoute · 28/02/2022 19:28

Totally NBU!

Why are you cooking for them?

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 28/02/2022 19:31

Yanbu at all.

I had been moved out 3 years and had DC1 when I was 21. They are both being ridiculously unreasonable.

I think it's time they move out!

Also 50 quid a month?! I was paying 200 from 18 in 2008!

Ilostit · 28/02/2022 19:32

They can bloody do one! I was doing two jobs and a degree at the age of 21!

LonelyInAutumn · 28/02/2022 19:32

I pay £300 a month and my mom wouldn't let me invite ex bf over to even come round for lunch/daytime visits let alone stay the night. Sounds like you're being very generous and your son and his gf are taking advantage. I think some boundaries need setting here.

Martianworld · 28/02/2022 19:34

You're doing their laundry as well as cooking!! Of course because if you didn't the manky pair of them would be stinking the place out. 😷

If you won't kick them out, at the very least put them on a rota. Youre not equipping your son very well for his future home.

SkinnyChaiLatte · 28/02/2022 19:35

I was paying my mum £50 a month - in 1985!

Westerman · 28/02/2022 19:35

You have every right to sleep peacefully in your own house, OP. YANBU at all. If you do decide to let her stay over again, I think you need a chat about hand hygiene, too. Not washing hands after going to the loo is disgusting.
I used to pay £50 a month to my parents back in the 80s! Your son has it so easy yet doesn't appreciate you.

Prettynails · 28/02/2022 19:38

@Martianworld

What a lazy pair of arses, lying around all day, never helping, and expecting to be fed...and then their shagging keeps you awake. Ugh. I wouldn't put up with that for £12.50 a week. I'd buy him a couple of nice presents. A suitcase and a local newspaper with rented flats in it. At 21, it's time to fly the nest and take his poo fingered gf with him.
This bit except the last sentence !

I would indeed buy them a paper and a suitcase. It’s not a bloody hotel. Ask them to rent their own place. Talk about the staying in their room antisocial and then up all night shagging ugh !

DrDinosaur · 28/02/2022 19:40

Just tell him no more overnight visits. Your house, your rules. If he doesn't like them he can move out.

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