DS and GF making noise - WIBU? DS thinks so!!

[Lovedivine]

DS Lives at home and his GF stays here at least 3 times a week. Both are 21, him working, her a student. No doubt they would love a place of their own but costs are high and I believe they are saving (DS GF graduates soon).

I’m very liberal really, they come and go as they please, mostly stay in DS’s room (in bed) and usually are quiet and fine.
I’m a little 😕 at the amount of time they spend laying in bed (no help from them) but they’ll generally keep his room tidy. I will cook and they’ll come down and eat in the kitchen but are back upstairs as soon as they can.

The GF can sometimes stay 3 days and not make any moves to shower 🤮, she’s not much of a hand washer either as you hear the loo flush and she’s straight out with no tap running. I’ve overlooked lots as DS can be a moody bugger and there are greater battles to be had.

Last night however I was woken at 12.30am, slight bumping noise, the odd voice noise etc, this went on and on, nothing too loud but enough to stop me dropping back off. At 2 am I heard DS door open and being at the end of my tether I shot out of bed and stopped DS on the landing and actually shouted how I’d had enough, it was the start of the week - I’m up at 5.30 for work etc.
I said that if this was how it was to be then she won’t be welcome to stay when we have work the following day.

I could not go back to sleep so have now been awake since 12.30am
Apparently I’m unreasonable for making such a fuss during the night and GF left this morning and was upset by all accounts.
I’ve said frankly I don’t care and it’s my house and I expect quiet to sleep. DS argues his it’s home too (he pays £50 a month as he saves the rest). Was I unreasonable to shout at 2am and threaten to stop GF coming or should I have stayed quiet?

The quicker they save up and move out the better!!

OP, aside from the noise (which I don't think you were being unreasonable about), please can you do the world a favour and stop babying a twenty one year old man by doing ALL his cooking, cleaning and laundry for him (and his GF) and charging him basically nothing to live.

Totally understand you want to help him get on the property ladder or whatever, but please don't churn out another entitled man child into the world. I've had my fill of them this week.

Charging him £50 a month is not teaching him anything at all, except how to take his own mother for a complete mug.

🤣🤣🤣 he used paying £50 a MONTH as a reason to be able to do as he pleases

Totally agree they don’t need to be saving for a deposit on a flat- they can rent a room in a shared house

Are you sure she doesn’t shower for 3 days solid? Maybe she washes when you’re at work. Bit grim if not especially since your DS showers every other day, they must both pong.

They’re clearly pisstakers but you’re enabling them. £50 a month is nothing and you’re acting like their skivvy doing their laundry and cooking too. They need to enter the real world I think and get their own place.

What is all this 'life is so haaaard' for young people that weirdly makes it acceptable for them to be treated like toddlers until they're about 35, now?

When I was 21, I was living in a shared house, working three PT jobs and studying for my MSc.

I would no sooner have asked my mother for money nor lived at home than chewed my own leg off.

Honestly, this is nonsense. Utter nonsense.

What’s happened has happened now.
It’s time to talk calmly and just explain to ds that you need your sleep during the week due to work.
I’ve been in this situation and I had an embarrassing and Frank conversation with my eldest dd. I told her I didn’t enjoy this conversation but it was one that needed to be had. She was really mature apologised and moved out a year later. They are still together have a lovely house, and a baby. It seems quite raw at the moment but I promise to will be ok in the end. You will probably laugh about it ten years on! Just like we do xx