DS and GF making noise - WIBU? DS thinks so!!

[Lovedivine]

DS Lives at home and his GF stays here at least 3 times a week. Both are 21, him working, her a student. No doubt they would love a place of their own but costs are high and I believe they are saving (DS GF graduates soon).

I’m very liberal really, they come and go as they please, mostly stay in DS’s room (in bed) and usually are quiet and fine.
I’m a little 😕 at the amount of time they spend laying in bed (no help from them) but they’ll generally keep his room tidy. I will cook and they’ll come down and eat in the kitchen but are back upstairs as soon as they can.

The GF can sometimes stay 3 days and not make any moves to shower 🤮, she’s not much of a hand washer either as you hear the loo flush and she’s straight out with no tap running. I’ve overlooked lots as DS can be a moody bugger and there are greater battles to be had.

Last night however I was woken at 12.30am, slight bumping noise, the odd voice noise etc, this went on and on, nothing too loud but enough to stop me dropping back off. At 2 am I heard DS door open and being at the end of my tether I shot out of bed and stopped DS on the landing and actually shouted how I’d had enough, it was the start of the week - I’m up at 5.30 for work etc.
I said that if this was how it was to be then she won’t be welcome to stay when we have work the following day.

I could not go back to sleep so have now been awake since 12.30am
Apparently I’m unreasonable for making such a fuss during the night and GF left this morning and was upset by all accounts.
I’ve said frankly I don’t care and it’s my house and I expect quiet to sleep. DS argues his it’s home too (he pays £50 a month as he saves the rest). Was I unreasonable to shout at 2am and threaten to stop GF coming or should I have stayed quiet?

The quicker they save up and move out the better!!

Our youngest DD (23) still lives at home, and her BF lives here too. They both pay £150 a month, and I tend to cook during the week for them. They keep their room, bathroom and the other spare room they use clean and tidy. And they do their own laundry. Both are very good at helping out with the dogs/dishwasher though can be a bit thoughtless at times.

I have lost the plot a few times with the TV/soundbar blasting in their room at 1am at the weekend, but I now leave a fan running all night so it doesn't disturb me.

I get fed up at times but know I'll be heartbroken when they've saved up enough for a house deposit.

I’ve swung between feeling outraged and sorry I made her feel unwelcome

But it’s your house. Yes, it is DS’s home too. But at £50 a month for her to stay half a week, it’s not too much to ask for some peace and quiet.

DS is an adult. If he doesn’t like that he needs to be considerate at night, he can move out sooner.

I think a sit down with some new ground rules and higher rent could be on the cards. And I suppose an apology for overreacting at the time wouldn’t go amiss.

The problem was you waited from 12:30 till 2 to do anything and then you lost it. Much better to get up at 12:30 knock on the door and say I can hear you can you be quiet and go to sleep please as I have to get up at 5:30.

You were NBU to yell at your DS at 2am. But bringing the GF into the rant when she was there, was a bit U. I'm not surprised that she was upset.

I would have shouted at them at 12.30 when they woke me up. I'm not great when woken

Not unreasonable to say something but I personally wouldn't have shouted.

You're moaning they're being loud in the night and yet you're shouting at 2am.

Couldn't you have said 'DS I can hear you both and I'm annoyed as it's woken me and I've got work, I really don't need to hear you either, be respectful'

Surely if they're usually fine it would have had the same outcome.

The girlfriend shouldn't be upset, she should be embarrassed... that she does nothing, is unhygienic, doesn't pay her way but eats ops food, and is a noisy shagger.

I’m probably a bit blinkered but £50 pcm??? why? At 21 I was working my way through Uni, two Jobs and a very full time course.

I think ask them to find there own place.

£50 quid a month!??!

Fucking hell, I was giving my parents £350 a month (+ sky and some shopping) when I lived at home 20 yrs ago.

Suggest they move in to a flat together. At least you'll get some sleep.

@NeverChange

Laughing a the audacity of you son who is contributing less than a £1 each a day for both of them to stay in the house.

If being quiet and considerate to others is too much to ask I'm sure he can find more accommodating alternatives!!

Her lack of hygiene would disturb more more than the sleep tbh.

This.

YANBU. Time for him to move out. He should have enough saved if he's only giving you £50 a month surely?

Charge more rent and charge for the girlfriend too!

"Its his home too" Not any more it isn't.

@Hankunamatata

I would have shouted at them at 12.30 when they woke me up. I'm not great when woken

I would have chucked them out at 12.30 when they woke me up. I'm really not great when woken.

Oh God, I can never understand these girlfriends who just slide on into the family home. No thank you. I could never have done that. And yes, in the 90s, when I was 21, it WAS easier to afford properties, but seriously, they both need to work and rent a room in a house share.

They both sound so lazy. It would do them both the world of good to get out there into the real world.

OP, you have the patience of a saint if you ask me.

Even I would be moved to crossness at 2AM in this situation, OP.

£50 per month and then making no practical contribution to the household is a piss-take. Waking you up/keeping you awake is the icing on the cake.

Time for a firm word with him, I'm afraid. I'd feel bad about the GF too, but she must surely know she should at least have been doing some cleaning/cooking - as she would do if she were in shared student accommodation (where she'd also be paying bills!) It seems a bit odd that she doesn't want to be doing things with her friends, really - this should be the time of both their lives when they're having fun, not holed up in a bedroom at your house.

Yanbu but as for the PPs saying you should increase tent, I think that will just mean they take longer to move out so if you don't need the money, I wouldn't bother increasing rent as it seems counterproductive

This is going to happen a lot, a whole generation is coming through who will be at home until late 20s-early thirties as they won’t be able to pay rent and save for a house.

It is his house too, but you own it, I do feel sorry for them because I’m sure they would get their own place if they could but just can’t.

They need to keep the noise down.

Rent not tent lol - although a tent in the back garden could be the answer

My 18 year old pays £60 a month she’s in uni and works and she saves a lot. I know this isn't about that but what do you expect from
him? Respect? He won’t respect you at all if you don’t set clear boundaries, which include money. You are setting him up to fail as an adult, and his grotty gf would be told she can stay but she can wash at the very least. You cook for them both?? And they don’t pay or clean up? Just go back to bed! That’s unbelievable.
You’ve more more problems than just being woken up in the night.
Put your foot down.

I paid £200 for my keep when I lived with my mum and paid my MIL the same amount when I moved in with her and my now fiancé quite a few years back. My fiancé and I rent an apartment now but when we lived with MIL we cooked our own meals, often cooking for her also although she has special dietary requirements so usually likes to do her own. I would cut the grass when needed and scrub the bathroom twice a week, always made sure to keep the bedroom clean and tidy and made sure we would spend evenings downstairs as well as upstairs and not just locking ourselves away. I would walk her dog when she was working and make sure any dry washing hanging outside was brought in ready for ironing. I was 19 at this time. £50 is definitely too little in my opinion and the fact that you’re cooking for them at their age is a little ridiculous. The hygiene would be a huge issue for me, I think I have a phobia of people who don’t wash their hands, such a simple task. I don’t blame you for snapping and if you’re to allow her to stay in your home in the future then I would expect a lot of things to change with them, helping around the house, cooking for themselves and to keep on top of basic hygiene.

All I would say is if you do lay down the law then do it with both of them they’re face to face. She probably does feel really awkward now and like she’s the whole problem when it is both of them.

Are you sure she doesn’t shower? When I stay at other peoples houses I generally creep around deliberately keeping out of the way so that they can’t hear me shower etc I’d probably shower after everyone was asleep too.

My Dh paid 25 pounds a week 40 years ago!

@MrsMoastyToasty

I was paying £50 per month for my keep. 30 years ago!

Just thinking similar I was paying £30 a week 25 years ago

@SkinnyChaiLatte

I was paying my mum £50 a month - in 1985!

I was just about to write that I was paying my mum £80 a month in 1985!! I was younger than 21 and it certainly didn't involve a partner taking the piss out of her to boot!!!

YDANBU!! Time for them to move out. Your "D"S is a CF of the biggest proportion.