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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Outed on mumsnet?

192 replies

notaregularmomes · 27/02/2022 16:52

I was, about a year ago I name changed, put up a post regarding a situation I was going through with my best friend at the time, it was very specific and I included exact texts that were sent back and forth (stupid in hindsight).

A couple days later she came round to my house, she looked very upset, I invited her in and she said 'Well I've seen your mumsnet post'. She was really hurt about what was written, I was really upset that she had went searching for the post (she knew I was being off with her so searched mumsnet knowing I use AIBU a lot). We ended our friendship that day.

We made up a few weeks later and laugh about it now but boy have I learnt my lesson. She showed her husband and her mum and her sister what I wrote and I was so embarrassed seeing them again. But luckily it got all our issues out on the table and we are better than ever.

Anyone else been outed on mumsnet?

OP posts:
ICouldBeAnyone · 28/02/2022 13:47

I’ve stupidly mentioned to people about reading about X on MN a few times and I was shocked to see someone, for the briefest second, have an “aha moment” as I was chatting to her. I now NC so frequently I sometimes can’t keep up with what name I’m on or have posted under.

bythebanksof · 28/02/2022 14:15

I think you have to be very careful, but the same would apply online in general. I've read a few posts at different times that could have had serious implications, i.e., discussion of legal matters, court cases, etc. I have a few friends in RL that use the forums. I typically know their usernames, and they would know mine too.

A few days ago, one of my close friends posted an AIBU about "poor fingering technique". I knew, and some other friends, knew exactly who it was, so we had some fun about that :)

It's now moved to music :)
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/music/4491736--not-taught-correct-fingering-technique-ad-hoc

Be careful!!!

Hannigasnchild · 28/02/2022 16:16

The worst part is when you've clearly recognised someone irl and they still try to deny it!

owlinnahat · 28/02/2022 16:29

Not me, but I did spot someone I knew on here because of a turn of phrase - she used the exact same phrase in a post on here about a certain fairly bland subject and at the exact same time in a post on social media.

Once I knew her username I spotted her a couple more times - she was very active on FWR at the time and was being very GC there which she definitely wasn't in real life and would have lost a number of friends for some of the things she was saying.

Hannigasnchild · 28/02/2022 19:34

@owlinnahat what's fwr and gc

ICouldBeAnyone · 28/02/2022 19:40

@Hannigasnchild

The worst part is when you've clearly recognised someone irl and they still try to deny it!
Still? Why would you ask them more than once? I think it’s far worse to try to get someone to admit they were the poster tbh.
Terfydactyl · 28/02/2022 20:08

[quote Hannigasnchild]@owlinnahat what's fwr and gc[/quote]
Previously Feminism womens rights, now known as feminism sex and gender or the very lovely but quiet feminism chat.

And gender critical, believing men cannot ever become women and those men that do believe they are women should not be in our changing rooms, prisons, sports, hospital wards etc.

Hannigasnchild · 28/02/2022 20:11

Thanks for clarifying

Oblomov22 · 28/02/2022 20:15

Sadpaper:

"What it's shown me is that I don't actually give a monkeys about being "outed". I have nothing to hide and I'm not ashamed of my posts, so it's not an issue for me."

Me too.

WinniesHunny · 28/02/2022 20:39

@Metalguru22

I name change frequently. But I'm also cautious about what I post, often drawing on how my life was about 5 years ago when talking about my experiences. I don't post identifying details, it's possible they would identify my partner.
I recognise you.

Metal guru, is it you?

Shuffletime · 01/03/2022 19:39

I think I spotted a colleague on here a few weeks ago. Would be an freakishly unlikely coincidence if it wasn't her! But I don't know her well enough to talk properly and she'd probably be quite embarrassed if she knew I knew so best to keep my mouth closed I think.

Hannigasnchild · 01/03/2022 19:58

Yea it's so easy

Metalguru22 · 02/03/2022 08:56

"Metalguru22

I name change frequently. But I'm also cautious about what I post, often drawing on how my life was about 5 years ago when talking about my experiences. I don't post identifying details, it's possible they would identify my partner.

I recognise you.

Metal guru, is it you?"

It is me!! Better name change again. Grin Grin

Saskatcha · 02/03/2022 09:17

I identified someone once. I never told them though. If the name they had ever popped up again I wouldn’t read it.

AfraidToRun · 02/03/2022 10:42

I'm absolutely terrified that my ex will find all my posts and recognise me even though if he did all he would see is people pointing out how abusive he was but still afraid! It's been a long time and I'm not even in the same country any more but still fear him.

Hannigasnchild · 02/03/2022 17:32

@Saskatcha interesting

Outedonhere · 03/03/2022 21:34

It's really easy to spot and out someone on here. Much easier than you think.

It is..

BurgerKingAddict · 03/03/2022 22:04

I wish I had known Katie Prices username so I could have read what she’s written.

feeona123 · 03/03/2022 23:57

I recognised two people from my NCT class but that was just in the baby talk days, didn’t take note of their user names!

WideOpenSpaces · 04/03/2022 00:10

I've written out so many posts but delete them because I'm so paranoid someone knows who I am !

HoveringDonkeyofKnock · 04/03/2022 00:38

I don't post identifying details, it's possible they would identify my partner.

Are you Carrie Johnson? Grin

HoveringDonkeyofKnock · 04/03/2022 00:42

Not me, but I did spot someone I knew on here because of a turn of phrase - she used the exact same phrase in a post on here about a certain fairly bland subject and at the exact same time in a post on social media.

I had a similar experience once the phrase was B.M.P.

BikiniB0tt0m · 04/03/2022 00:56

Out of the 1000's of mumsnet members surely some details will be similar people have very similar human problems, so saying some have recongised friends from details of situations in posts is likely coincidence?

BikiniB0tt0m · 04/03/2022 01:10

Apart from a few cases that are obvious and knowing for sure a user name I don't think it's that easy to be outed

Outed on mumsnet?
Outed on mumsnet?
StopStartStop · 04/03/2022 01:44

Outed myself at least once by careless use of my own name and/or initials. A former colleague posted to tell everyone she'd seen it. Change names often. Dd can always identify me. She left mn because I joined. I hang around because it's fast-moving, because women need all the encouragement they can get to leave abusive relationships and for the feminism boards. Sometimes my flesh creeps knowing former colleagues could track my life through mn, but I console myself by thinking that actually, they couldn't be arsed.

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