Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Outed on mumsnet?

192 replies

notaregularmomes · 27/02/2022 16:52

I was, about a year ago I name changed, put up a post regarding a situation I was going through with my best friend at the time, it was very specific and I included exact texts that were sent back and forth (stupid in hindsight).

A couple days later she came round to my house, she looked very upset, I invited her in and she said 'Well I've seen your mumsnet post'. She was really hurt about what was written, I was really upset that she had went searching for the post (she knew I was being off with her so searched mumsnet knowing I use AIBU a lot). We ended our friendship that day.

We made up a few weeks later and laugh about it now but boy have I learnt my lesson. She showed her husband and her mum and her sister what I wrote and I was so embarrassed seeing them again. But luckily it got all our issues out on the table and we are better than ever.

Anyone else been outed on mumsnet?

OP posts:
nildesparandum · 27/02/2022 21:59

I have been outed once on here with horrible consequences It was a family situation and am over cautious now.I have name changed once since then.

ponkydonkey · 27/02/2022 22:06

I've seen a few on here who've gone on to post the same thing on Facebook 🤷🏼‍♀️

QweenBea · 27/02/2022 22:08

@DuchessofAnkh1

A friend of mine was outed and she was reported to social services as she had posted about drinking and taking coke and being too unwell and hungover to look after her kids....I had recognised her (it wasn't me though that reported her - although frankly she deserved it!) so not surprised others recognised her too.

on a completely different note, I used to spot Katie Price and Caitlin Moran on here a lot back in the day....it was the writing style you could spot. Don't think either post anymore.

What did the say?? Can you remember their usernames???
Wotagain · 27/02/2022 22:09

I was once asked to sit in as a chaperone when a client was being assessed by the mental health team leader. The client proceeded to pull out the printed off thread she had started here, and that I’d been following, which described in great detail what had been going on in her life.
I said nothing, nothing at all, but it did illustrate that the reality of her situation and the narrative told here may diverge.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 27/02/2022 22:28

@JuergenSchwarzwald

There was someone who posted here and in a cycling forum on Facebook about the same incident so I knew who she was but I can't remember either her username here or her actual name there now.

I know who Xenia is in real life.

There was also a chemistry tutor who posts on here and she turned out to be a connection of a connection on LinkedIn.

I don't exactly think she keeps it a secret,I thought everyone did Grin
QweenBea · 27/02/2022 22:35

It's like the post by StuckInPollyannaMode
Surely there must be people on here who know her and her twins?? Let alone the ex husband?

IsabelHerna · 27/02/2022 23:10

I haven't told anybody irl I'm here, as I became a member because I needed to talk about my fertility issues with people in a safe space, so no I haven't be outted and honestly I don't know how I would feel... Seems like it ended well for you, but I would dread it

Sswhinesthebest · 27/02/2022 23:52

Who is she then? I dont know

XenoBitch · 27/02/2022 23:54

@thinking123

I have recognised the same friend three times. She never name changes but tells very specific stories.
I wonder how many people have read your comment and are now wondering if you are on about them?
HelenMirrensWeightedBlanket · 27/02/2022 23:56

I found a friend on here. Searched her username - big mistake - found that she’d posted some pretty gut-wrenching stuff about me. I never confronted or outed her, but our friendship will never be the same.

AllKnowingGerbil · 28/02/2022 00:13

I lost my mind when my relationship broke down and regualrly asked for advice here without changing any details. My ex and the ow clearly knew what I was doing. I cringe looking back. No doubt various colleagues could identify me too cos I would whinge on at work, and then post the identical whinge on here. Ooops.

Nobody told me though, they probably just enjoyed the show.

expat101 · 28/02/2022 00:16

@LookItsMeAgain

Not on this site but another parenting site. I posted looking for advice about a person in my friendship group, and midway through the online discussion, someone else must have added 2 + 2, pointed this person to my thread and the person I was looking for advise on read it. So two people irl must have known about my thread actually. It ended my friendship. Had I actually had someone to discuss it with in real life, I probably wouldn't have posted looking for advice on what I thought was an anonymous parenting website.
That's my problem too. I live in an incredibly small area and it's very difficult to be able to know who you can talk to... and sometimes it's better if you don't at all (which I learned to my detriment).

That's why I like the anonymity of MN, with appropriate detail and name changes.

De88 · 28/02/2022 00:26

@CassandrasCastle

Yes...it was actually a catalyst for my divorce, led to me being disciplined by the frankly horrible church I was in, then ultimately leaving it. They had my thread printed out as evidence of my sin of adultery...
I feel like you should be congratulated.... (I hope you're in a much happier place now!)
Nietzschethehiker · 28/02/2022 00:56

Sort of the other way around. I had a professional meeting with someone who described a situation in a mumsnet post that I had been reading that morning. Down to the actual word. It was mildly disconcerting.

Mainly because the person was telling me as if it had happened to them when it absolutely hadn't. The original post had details in it that I knew didn't apply to the person speaking (for a variety of reasons I had specific proof due to the nature of my work with them). Even allowing for small details changed to protect their identity.

These weren't small changes but very specific things that changed the whole context so I knew it wasn't the original poster, but rather they were pretending as if it was their story. I didn't react , I didn't say anything about MN and the only way you would know she wasn't telling the truth was if you were a MN er and had read it and knew enough about her to know it couldn't possibly be her story.

It didn't harm anything so I kept stum and just smiled vaguely and changed the subject as soon as I could.

Doratheexploret · 28/02/2022 01:17

@Fernandina

I have no idea whether anyone has ever realised who I am on here, but since I namechange about once a month and rarely start threads, I don't care really.
Ha ha me too.
whythefuckdoibother · 28/02/2022 07:53

18 years later and about 40+ name changes.

I've never been outed but have noticed a few friends over the years, I wonder if stealthpolarbear is still around? I've seen anyfucker crop up a free times but who is Xenia?

AntimonySalts · 28/02/2022 09:29

I'd like to know if SolidGoldBrassReanimated is the same as the "real" SGB...

PrimroseTheSmooth · 28/02/2022 09:36

I regularly recognise a good friend of mine on here- she changes name but has a very distinctive writing style and puts a lot of detail in. I generally just hide the threads as soon as I realise as I feel uncomfortable with the idea that I might read something she wouldn’t want me to know. There have been occasions when I’ve wondered whether I should ask her discreetly about something she has written, as she’s posted something very serious which I would like to support her with. It’s hard to know what to do.

Kyiv · 28/02/2022 10:02

Something ended up in the Daily Mail. Someone from my family shared the article link with me with an "omg, this is so similar to what's gone on with you!" Too close for comfort!

I change so many key details if it's anything trash press would love now. Ages, genders, locations etc.

Keepyourheadscrewedon · 28/02/2022 10:40

It is tricky. I think you should text your friend that you noticed a thread you thought might be hers, acknowledge it might not be, but you had to ask as you care about her. I think you can do so without compromising her privacy. It might be she would appreciate your support, and if she is a good friend she will know you have asked with the best of intentions either way primrosethesmooth MN is helpful because the advice is varied and the lack of identity allows posters to be very open. I know what you mean some things on here are deeply private sometimes though.

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 28/02/2022 10:50

My daughter spotted me on here once. Luckily it wasn't a post about her!

I namechange frequently and often alter details in posts but I clearly didn't change enough details in that particular post.

CassandrasCastle · 28/02/2022 10:51

@De88 Haha, thank you! Much happier

The absolute humiliation of knowing that these people - mainly men I think, apart from the woman that first found the thread - had read my outpourings about my now ex and my cheating, and how desperately miserable I was... I was an absolute muppet to have written it in such an identifying way in the first place, so it's on me! But still, I wasn't anticipating the men of a Presbyterian Scottish church to be reading Mumsnet Gin

Ethelfromnumber73 · 28/02/2022 10:52

@harriethoyle

I was recognised by a post and had the loveliest dm from the recogniser. It was really supportive and kind and cheered me up at a very difficult time.
@harriethoyle Smile
TommyShelby · 28/02/2022 11:27

I spotted an old manager of mine after she posted a photo of herself on advise about hair dye and I recognised her. I haven’t said a word to her as she frequently posts for advice and I wouldn’t want to take away that sounding board for her

Bluesheep8 · 28/02/2022 12:11

Who is she then? I dont know

I don't either