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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Outed on mumsnet?

192 replies

notaregularmomes · 27/02/2022 16:52

I was, about a year ago I name changed, put up a post regarding a situation I was going through with my best friend at the time, it was very specific and I included exact texts that were sent back and forth (stupid in hindsight).

A couple days later she came round to my house, she looked very upset, I invited her in and she said 'Well I've seen your mumsnet post'. She was really hurt about what was written, I was really upset that she had went searching for the post (she knew I was being off with her so searched mumsnet knowing I use AIBU a lot). We ended our friendship that day.

We made up a few weeks later and laugh about it now but boy have I learnt my lesson. She showed her husband and her mum and her sister what I wrote and I was so embarrassed seeing them again. But luckily it got all our issues out on the table and we are better than ever.

Anyone else been outed on mumsnet?

OP posts:
TheMissingMango · 27/02/2022 20:09

I worked with an awful man who was going through a divorce. He knew his ex used Mumsnet a lot and he would read all of her posts.

Hannigasnchild · 27/02/2022 20:14

It's really easy to spot and out someone on here. Much easier than you think.

Hshuznw · 27/02/2022 20:17

I’ve had two.

A post of mine about a tricky and private situation made it to the Daily Mail. I’ve stopped posting anything personal since then, as it was very very private and now there a couple of people I know in real life who now know very private things about me. The situation I posted about was outing was I told others what happened, but then in my thread here I shared more about my point of view.

I’ve also had an ex-friend post about me. She doesn’t know I know, but she posted about me not going to her wedding during covid and to be honest, it was tough for me to read as the majority view was I was UR. I haven’t reached out to her though, as our friendship died after what happened.

thinking123 · 27/02/2022 20:21

I have recognised the same friend three times. She never name changes but tells very specific stories.

DaffodilLil · 27/02/2022 20:24

There are some people on here who like to think they are very famous and important on MN and who keep the same names. I know who they are.

Piggyk2 · 27/02/2022 20:28

@ThymePoultice

Won’t it happen again with this thread?
Exactly. My thoughts too. If you were the "friend" you would possibly know by this.
AntimonySalts · 27/02/2022 20:31

@DaffodilLil

There are some people on here who like to think they are very famous and important on MN and who keep the same names. I know who they are.
PMSL. It has been thus since it was all fields here. Grin
Rulia · 27/02/2022 20:31

@JustDanceAddict

Not here but I recognised a really good friend on another parenting forum years ago. I asked if it was her, she denied it and never posted again 😂
That's super obvious! If someone found me and I denied, I'd at least keep that username going and post some fake details to throw the person off! Haha
Hannigasnchild · 27/02/2022 20:32

@Rulia that's exactly what I always say. Why then delete all the threads or not continue writing under that name to throw the person off!!!

oohaarghoohaargh · 27/02/2022 20:38

I've been on here around 17 years and name change a lot - current one is very new. I know there are certain 'old timers' who have their cult following on here and therefore keep the same name.

I don't have an ego the size of a planet 🤷‍♂️

I've never been "outed"

Blue4YOU · 27/02/2022 20:38

I’m always hoping the Daily Fail will pick up my comments about the “lovely” paediatric consultant who assaulted me. I have plenty to tell them!
And I literally don’t care if I were outed, as I say the same things in RL as on MN

Lifeismeh · 27/02/2022 20:44

I sometimes talk to people about issues, then think of coming here for advice. Then remember I’ve discussed them IRL and can’t risk it, even with a name change.

I also then remember other times I’ve asked for sensitive advice here and been verbally attacked by members so change my mind about it for that reason too 😂😂

CheekySwifter · 27/02/2022 20:51

Why would you out someone though? Even if you knew who it was, why would you go and say to them "I know you are XYZ on Mumsnet." Seems very childish to me.

Also makes it highly likely they will change username and then you can't be nosy Grin

Hannigasnchild · 27/02/2022 20:52

@CheekySwifter some have this weird notion or belief shall I say that they can never be outed haha

TheMarzipanDildo · 27/02/2022 20:52

I’m very identifiable on here but I’m not arsed anymore tbh.

I’ll name change eventually but I quite like this one so it might be a while.

drspouse · 27/02/2022 20:54

I used to have the same username various places including Twitter and ebay and I moaned about listing something on eBay, using my Twitter account. Someone messaged me to point out you can see your location on eBay Blush so now I have about 10 usernames.

ChocolateIsAlwaysTheAnswer · 27/02/2022 20:59

Yes and was awful. I was complaining about something my colleague had done and she confronted me at work the next day. Was so obviously me that I couldn't backtrack. Was horrible. Please be careful. Mumsnet is such a huge platform and it's inevitable that you will know some posters in person.

Lolabray · 27/02/2022 21:09

Not as yet and don’t want to be. I Try to change names to protect the innocent lol

SailingNotSurfing · 27/02/2022 21:23

Unfortunately I got outed by a colleague after I’d posted in a Secret Santa thread, about the worst present ever received. Turned out she was my Secret Santa and she was most annoyed I wasn’t impressed with the “Wankee Candle, scent: Santa’s Sweaty Scrotum” and would have preferred a bottle of wine. She accused me of lacking in a sense of humour.

alwaysidentified · 27/02/2022 21:30

Kind of.... DM picked up on a post I'd written and published it 😱 It would've angered the person it was written about if they'd known it was me and given the past history really put me at risk. I was very lucky a kind mumsnetter messaged me and I got my account closed down within a few hours. It was a horrible few weeks though just waiting for the door or phone to go. I'd had the account for 14 years too! I change my username regularly now especially if I include anything that could be potentially identifiable.

EthelTheAardvark · 27/02/2022 21:34

Not outed, but I did once recognise myself in a thread where someone was complaining about me. It was quite good, because I was able to explain myself further in the guise of polite disinterested outsider, which helped to take the heat out of the situation and stopped her becoming defensive. When she came back to me in RL, she was much more reasonable.

But it was a lesson to me in never making assumptions that the person you're talking about won't read the thread.

EthelTheAardvark · 27/02/2022 21:35

I sometimes talk to people about issues, then think of coming here for advice. Then remember I’ve discussed them IRL and can’t risk it, even with a name change.

Can't you manage it by changing a few salient facts?

Gizacluethen · 27/02/2022 21:39

I had daily mail put a thread of mine on Facebook on which was discussed two things: my MIL saying vile things about my child before their birth that my DH would have defended to the death and my fear of my safety around my husband at that time. I was absolutely terrified that he'd see it and didn't sleep for days.

Onelifeonly · 27/02/2022 21:52

Not on mn but on another parenting forum (fewer posters) that I used to use I recognised several people I knew irl. I never said anything to them* but it made it clear to me how easy it is to recognise someone if they give accurate details about themselves and their families. I always fudge my details.

*not 100% true. I met someone irl I recognised from the forum (not the other way round) . It's now over 10 years later and we are both in an online chat group. We eventually admitted we both knew who the other was.

Bussinbussin · 27/02/2022 21:54

I was sort of outed on another parenting site.

I posted about a flight I'd been on that day where an unaccompanied minor had been treated poorly.

A parent of the child recognised the situation and posted. We swapped notes and AFAIK she took it up with the airline. So a good outcome, I thought.