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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Outed on mumsnet?

192 replies

notaregularmomes · 27/02/2022 16:52

I was, about a year ago I name changed, put up a post regarding a situation I was going through with my best friend at the time, it was very specific and I included exact texts that were sent back and forth (stupid in hindsight).

A couple days later she came round to my house, she looked very upset, I invited her in and she said 'Well I've seen your mumsnet post'. She was really hurt about what was written, I was really upset that she had went searching for the post (she knew I was being off with her so searched mumsnet knowing I use AIBU a lot). We ended our friendship that day.

We made up a few weeks later and laugh about it now but boy have I learnt my lesson. She showed her husband and her mum and her sister what I wrote and I was so embarrassed seeing them again. But luckily it got all our issues out on the table and we are better than ever.

Anyone else been outed on mumsnet?

OP posts:
BusinessMindThoughts · 27/02/2022 19:27

I know my friend's sister is on here, and I wish I'd been on here too when said friend was in a relationship with a total dick, as I could've advised her far better than I did at the time! (Red flags everywhere). He's long gone now at least, hopefully her sister passed on the MN wisdom...

Natsku · 27/02/2022 19:29

A friend recognised me, told me the other day, but that was no surprise as I use the same username pretty much everywhere. Not fussed about being 'outed'.

JustLyra · 27/02/2022 19:29

I did once. It was particularly horrible as the person who recognised me was fucking nasty.

The way MN handled it, despite the fact they regularly delete threads easily, means I've never posted anything particularly important ever again. Which is a shame as this place was a great sounding board for tough stuff as people don't just 'hun' you and agree. You get some grief, but you do get some really solid advice as well.

PineappleDumpling · 27/02/2022 19:30

@BlackberrySky

Someone who posted about a drag queen at a primary school on here has just outed herself on my local Nextdoor by posting it there too!
Ha ha @BlackberrySky we clearly live near each other as I’ve just seen it too
Brefugee · 27/02/2022 19:31

Go to Active, click on the three lines top right then click "My Mumsnet". You can just change it immediately in there.

I don't see how you do that? can you do it on the website?

WonderfulYou · 27/02/2022 19:32

Some tried to ‘out’ me - I had almost identical situations as the person on MN but it genuinely wasn’t me!

What’s worse is she didn’t believe it wasn’t me because it sounded so much like me.
I tried to find details to show it wasn’t me but these were really minor differences and she said everyone changes small things.

In the end she said she believed me but I’m pretty sure she didn’t. That poster started a thread about something really intimate and I cringed thinking so many people will think it’s me.

Donotgogentle · 27/02/2022 19:36

Yes, a few years back a not very pleasant woman in my wider social circle made clear she had recognised me on MN.

It’s definitely changed the content of what I post and I name change every 2-3 years.

Jenasaurus · 27/02/2022 19:41

Yes I got recognised by someone I chatted to on the Ebay Round Table forum in about 25 years ago, they had been a big help to me and where at one point on the phone to me when I was barricaded in a bedroom with my daughter and my ex was trying to break the door down, she also was a big support to me when my dad died, then we lost touch and I joined mumsnet (totally different user name but she recognised my posting style and contacted me) very odd but lovely to find her again.

MMBaranova · 27/02/2022 19:43

I had a name here ages ago. I can't remember it. It was pretty much anonymised. Could probably find it if I wanted by search, but that was then.

The current me is pretty much real me and, though I don't shout it from the rooftops, if someone who knows me spots me then shrug. My life situation and background is a rare mix.

I just wouldn't post anything confidential.

Freshoutofideas21 · 27/02/2022 19:44

Why don't people change their usernames? I'm on my 10101919th name 😂😂😂

Freshoutofideas21 · 27/02/2022 19:45

Hence my current username Grin

winterowl · 27/02/2022 19:47

I know a school mum posts here - she pops up on every thread about her profession, and she's also spoken about her kids in a way that means it can only be her.

I've never commented.

She once outed me on another forum many years ago. I think I prefer having the potential to return the favour more than I would like to actually do it, if you know what I mean.

Regular name changes and I only share limited private information.

Whybirdwhy · 27/02/2022 19:49

All my "mum" friends know I'm on Mumsnet, we chat about it all the time!! I've got nothing to hide.
Some of these stories are shocking tho.

GracieLouFreeebush · 27/02/2022 19:50

I once gave advice on a thread about someone who was struggling with their partner and they hadn’t realised that they were being financially abused and gaslighter frequently. The OP eventually left her partner and started again with her kids but shared problems along the way with the now ex.

A friend that I had lost touch with over the years then got back in touch and explained why she had just vanished….. it was 100% the person from the thread. It matched up in every sense! I never told her and acted like I had never heard of Mumsnet when she mentioned it becagse I didn’t want her feeling like she was losing her privacy.

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 27/02/2022 19:50

I outed my sibling and then their partner also realised. Other posters thought it was all made up etc etc but it was all true and very messy.
That was about 8 years ago I think and my sibling had the thread deleted.

notanothertakeaway · 27/02/2022 19:52

Soon after I started using MN, I searched for my son's primary school and saw a post from a parent in the class (not on AIBU, she was just explaining which schools are in our catchment). Bur it did make me realise how easy it might be to identify people

I change name from time to time, change details of who did / said stuff and disclose very little info that could identify me

Vargas · 27/02/2022 19:52

I recognised a friend once on here, and looked through her posts which were very negative about a school I really liked. I found myself almost mentioning it a couple of times when I saw her in RL so I made it a point to stop looking at her posts!

I try very hard to only say things on here that I'd be happy for anyone to see, apart from maybe my DM or MIL GrinGrin.

GrandTheftWalrus · 27/02/2022 19:53

I like my username and I'd feel sad if I had to change it.

However when I first joined many years ago I used my normal username that I use elsewhere and realised it could all be linked by Google so changed.

AgileSlug · 27/02/2022 19:58

I've recognised a woman I know on here. She's so lovely though, kind to everyone on MN and IRL, really no need to cause trouble and out her.

Housechaos · 27/02/2022 19:59

A friend of mine use to/maybe still does post on here. I twigged about certain life stories she was writing about and had changed a few minor details. It was still obvious who she was (to me).

I've never mentioned anything but I do cringe with the thought of what she posted.

TheRideOfYourLife · 27/02/2022 19:59

Do people still post on Mumsnet? I thought they'd closed down years ago.

That's what I've said, anyway, on the couple of occasions that anyone has mentioned having read something on here.

I NC every few days and always change details. I have posted about experiences which could possibly be outing, but NC specifically to do this, as I always have it in the back of my mind. Also always have it in mind that nothing is private on here and anything can end up in the newspapers.

PenCreed · 27/02/2022 20:00

I recognised a colleague who posted about a snotty reply they'd had to an email, because I was one of the people CC'd in on the email. I have never told her and the more identifying parts of the thread have subsequently been deleted. If it had come out it was all on MN then it would have been incredibly messy, so I just said nothing!

NippyWoowoo · 27/02/2022 20:00

@Freshoutofideas21

Hence my current username Grin
I now use Mumsnet trends as inspiration Grin
Hannigasnchild · 27/02/2022 20:02

@CreamFirstThenJamOnTop

I outed my sibling and then their partner also realised. Other posters thought it was all made up etc etc but it was all true and very messy. That was about 8 years ago I think and my sibling had the thread deleted.
Similar situation here. Managed to find someone and it was so obvious it was them from the style of writing and content. Once she found out I knew surprise surprise she asked mumsnet to delete all her threads. I have kept them though as the stuff she wrote was derogatory and affirms things about her dh and why we don't want contact with them.
DeckTheHallsWithGin · 27/02/2022 20:03

I have recognised someone from here who posted near identical messages and photos on a Facebook group with her real name. Fairly sure she’d got a significant mental health issue as all her posts were very attention seeking and used her kids to make drama out of insignificant things. She hasn’t posted here or on Facebook for a while! I hope her kids are ok.