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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Outed on mumsnet?

192 replies

notaregularmomes · 27/02/2022 16:52

I was, about a year ago I name changed, put up a post regarding a situation I was going through with my best friend at the time, it was very specific and I included exact texts that were sent back and forth (stupid in hindsight).

A couple days later she came round to my house, she looked very upset, I invited her in and she said 'Well I've seen your mumsnet post'. She was really hurt about what was written, I was really upset that she had went searching for the post (she knew I was being off with her so searched mumsnet knowing I use AIBU a lot). We ended our friendship that day.

We made up a few weeks later and laugh about it now but boy have I learnt my lesson. She showed her husband and her mum and her sister what I wrote and I was so embarrassed seeing them again. But luckily it got all our issues out on the table and we are better than ever.

Anyone else been outed on mumsnet?

OP posts:
JuergenSchwarzwald · 27/02/2022 18:48

There was someone who posted here and in a cycling forum on Facebook about the same incident so I knew who she was but I can't remember either her username here or her actual name there now.

I know who Xenia is in real life.

There was also a chemistry tutor who posts on here and she turned out to be a connection of a connection on LinkedIn.

amusedbush · 27/02/2022 18:53

I posted on a thread about regretting getting married when things weren't great in my marriage and, unbeknownst to me, a screenshot of my post ended up in an article on the Daily Fail. DH somehow saw it many months later and recognised my username, which I didn't realise he knew. That was a deeply awkward conversation.

moderationinWumbsnet · 27/02/2022 18:56

Somebodies username made me a bit paranoid that they'd sussed me a few months back.

I'm wary of who I tell I use it, I like being anonymous. I could be anyone. Only I know who I really am. I'm definitely nicer on here than I am in real life, generally anyway.

Riapia · 27/02/2022 18:57

None of my circle of friends would be seen dead on such an
awful place such as this.
They do have some standards. 😁😁

LemonPledge555 · 27/02/2022 18:57

I’m a serial name changer because I often respond to threads with real/proper details of my life that could be outing.

I once read a post, recognised all the details, saw the username and connected it to my bestie. Not sure she knew I was on here but I messaged her straight away and made sure when k ew where I was (she did and does) - MN can be a wonderful place when you need reassurance about an idiot ex!

alltheapples · 27/02/2022 19:02

I recognised a friend. She told a very specific anecdote she had told me the day before.

Lovemusic33 · 27/02/2022 19:04

Most people know about mumsnet so I just assume everyone (who has children) use it……never post anything on here you wouldn’t want your friends to see, never post exact details about a situation (change a few things) and do not post anything really embarrassing.

I know several people on here, I’m rubbish at remembering names let alone linking user names to them, I don’t say anything on here that o wouldn’t say to people I know.

WonderfulYou · 27/02/2022 19:07

I always think it’s a good thing if the other person reads it - either they’ll be in the right and have lots if people supporting them or they’ll be in the wrong and see other people’s opinions.

I think it’s difficult when there’s a disagreement between just two people as you both think you’re right, so getting other peoples opinions in always a good thing.

SaintPancreas · 27/02/2022 19:10

I've recognised two people from their posts about very specific issues I knew about, and then being too nosey not to look at other posts for those usernames and found confirming info. I change my username at least once a month to avoid this.

RiderGirl · 27/02/2022 19:11

I made a thread asking for advice about a specific issue surrounding my family and Christmas. It got picked up and published not only by the Daily Fail, but various news outlets going as far as fecking Australia. I'm pretty sure I even saw it pop up on my FB at one point. Luckily I don't think anyone from family ever saw it as they would definitely have recognised the details, but my goodness it made me sweat! MN did zap the thread for me pretty quickly but even so there were a lot of details in the DF article.

florianfortescue · 27/02/2022 19:12

Not MN but I've been outed on another forum. My psycho ex housemate used to use my laptop without asking, read all my posts (some of which were about her) and then joined the forum herself to tell everyone what a terrible person I was. She claimed to have found it completely independently, which was total bullshit. I stopped using that forum and now on MN I name change every few weeks to be on the safe side. I love the ease of name changing on this site, it's one of the best features.

PatrioticPenny743 · 27/02/2022 19:14

Surely just change your username every few months? Should stop mishaps, also careful on details.

NETSRIK · 27/02/2022 19:15

@sadpapercourtesan

What it's shown me is that I don't actually give a monkeys about being "outed". I have nothing to hide and I'm not ashamed of my posts, so it's not an issue for me.
Same here. I stand by everything I post and would say it in real life face to face too. Appreciate though that my life is dull and boring so not likely to be featuring in a headline Daily Mail article. Biggest pain in my life at the minute is a 4 hour late online supermarket delivery.
GrandTheftWalrus · 27/02/2022 19:16

I don't post anything that I wouldn't tell anyone in real life. Well there are 2 things that I've not told anyone really and they are on here. But it's not exactly secrets of the century.

I don't know what I'd do if I found anyone I knew.

Realitea · 27/02/2022 19:17

Not sure. MIL often talks about Mumsnet while giving me the side eye. I wonder if she knows my username somehow

Sideswiped · 27/02/2022 19:17

@florianfortescue (great NN by the way), 'I love the ease of name changing on this site, it's one of the best features.' - it isn't on the app. Sad

MRS54321 · 27/02/2022 19:17

DH searches for mine all the time. I constantly change my username due to this. And I’ve had to ask MN to delete things for me a lot.

florianfortescue · 27/02/2022 19:19

@Sideswiped

*@florianfortescue* (great NN by the way), 'I love the ease of name changing on this site, it's one of the best features.' - it isn't on the app. Sad
You can do it on the app!

Go to Active, click on the three lines top right then click "My Mumsnet". You can just change it immediately in there.

florianfortescue · 27/02/2022 19:19

@MRS54321

DH searches for mine all the time. I constantly change my username due to this. And I’ve had to ask MN to delete things for me a lot.
This would do my head in, poor you Sad
Timeforanewoneofthese · 27/02/2022 19:20

I’ve recognised someone. I had dealings with her in a professional capacity and a few weeks later she posted saying she felt suicidal. She was a new mum so I contacted her health visitor who visited the next morning. Also had to contact Mumsnet and my boss and let them know what I was doing. I think she was grateful for the intervention in the end, I kept an eye via Mumsnet for a little while and she seemed a lot better.

AutomaticMoon · 27/02/2022 19:21

@CassandrasCastle

Yes...it was actually a catalyst for my divorce, led to me being disciplined by the frankly horrible church I was in, then ultimately leaving it. They had my thread printed out as evidence of my sin of adultery...
Wow. That’s horrible, public shaming and ostracism. This is why I’m Christian Anarchist. Some churches seem like, who even needs enemies? So much toxicity, Jesus weeps.
Happy36 · 27/02/2022 19:23

I realised a post on MN was by a colleague. She had posted about work (not being indiscreet, but it was a fairly unique situation) and I realised how awfully she was being treated. I didn't tell her I had recognised her on MN. She left work soon after that; it was a horrible place to work.

ChiselandBits · 27/02/2022 19:25

my ex and his ow used to stalk me on here - showed various posts to my ex in-laws to somehow prove I was a terrible mum (that he had left the kids with, naturally) - just stuff like how hard to was to lone parent two under 7s and work full time, usual solidarity stuff. Eventually I used to post fake stuff just to see how long it took to get back to me..I got bored long before they did.

Toddlerteaplease · 27/02/2022 19:26

My dad is a mumsnetter, it was he who introduced me to it. I know his user name and he knows mine. So I'm careful what I post!

WinterDeWinter · 27/02/2022 19:27

@Beseen22

I knew a guy and discovered him on reddit when he shared a photo of his wife and it became pretty popular. Obviously I had a nosy at his posts and I kind of wish I hadn't. Everyone thought he was the nicest guy but I knew that he was up to dodgy stuff just hiding it well but couldn't do anything about it and just had to listen to what a stand up decent guy he was. Sometimes you can know too much.
But .. you could have told people, couldn't you? Or am I missing something?
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