To say MIL can't see DS on his birthday

[ncforthisone22]

It's DS birthday next month. It falls on a weekday. We are doing a softplay party for family and friends the weekend before and a birthday tea with his school class at home on the day starting at 3pm. I didn't want to try to combine the events as too many people.

MIL has been invited to join us at either or both events. She doesn't want to come to the softplay as it's "not her thing" and the birthday tea is during working hours. She has told DH that she will come to our house after work (6.30pm) on DS birthday so that she can give him her presents and spend some time with him.

I really feel this doesn't work for us. The kids are in the bath by 6.30 and DS will be exhausted after a morning at school plus an afternoon party. The house will be a tip and the idea of MIL arriving just after we've Gorran rid of 20 3 year olds fills me with dread.

For context, MIL has form for only ever doing things on her terms.

AIBU to say no to a post party visit?

@saraclara - why couldn't they go up to see your child in the cot instead? Fair enough about not bringing them back downstairs but to not let them stay for a bit and then go up to see the sleeping baby would probably have worked in your situation too?

I have no idea. It wasthree and a half decades ago ago, and apparently I suffered from baby madness. It's really weird to look back on. My mum friends considered me to be the most relaxed of all of them. But for some reason I just clung to that routine of bath, bedclothes, feed, cot, like it was a magic spell. Maybe I thought that other people coming up might throw her and she'd never sleep again?

I've no idea, other than that I was temporarily bonkers.

bed clothes = bed clothing

A "class" of 3 yr olds be them at playgroup, toddlers or nursery (note, I'm not talking about higher education or university or phd studies) are still expected to take part in activities (some with a focus on learning - shock horror!! 😱)

I'm glad that my children are old enough to have had free choice of what activities they took part in, and learned through, at age 2-3, rather than being 'expected' to do anything.

She's at work until 18.30. She can't just say to her boss that she's leaving at a time to suit you.
It's her grandchilds birthday, a once per year event. Stop being so çhildish.

@Norgie

She's at work until 18.30. She can't just say to her boss that she's leaving at a time to suit you. It's her grandchilds birthday, a once per year event. Stop being so çhildish.

@Norgie Where did you get the information that she's at work until 6.30?

@HumunaHey 18.30 is 6.30. I work on a 24 hr clock, sorry

It was in the ops opening post @HumunaHey

I'm with you op. You do what suits you and your family, you've not been unreasonable and said she can't see DS at all. You've offered different days for her to see him, she doesn't need to see him on his birthday. I understand when you have a child in a routine it can be disruptive to change that and he'll be very tired after school and his party at your house with his friends. She's being bloody awkward and if you keep letting her boss then she'll continue to do it. If you dont want her to come at 6.30pm then just say no and stick to it no matter what. Make sure she knows it's not up for discussion and she's not to just turn up. No one has to see a child on their exact birthday. It sounds like you've planned a lovely day for him, hope he enjoys his birthday celebrations.

@Norgie

It was in the ops opening post *@HumunaHey*

That's the time she wants to arrive at OP's, not the time she finishes work. That time hasn't been specified.

You are doing a tea party for 20 3 year olds on a school night on top of a soft play party! Are you quite mad OP? It seems a shame that you don’t value your DS spending a bit of time with his GM as you do the showy celebratory parts of his birthday. I wonder if you would be quite so rigid if it were YOUR mother wanting to visit.

Let your mother in law come in after work and see her grandchild on his birthday. It won't kill anyone if he stays up a bit later and doesn't have his usual routine, it's only one evening and a special occasion. Presumably you and husband will have a meal; lay another place for her and relax.

I think your son would rather see his grandma and have a slightly late rnight than have a grand spanking birthday bash and be rushed up to bed.

@CowboyJo

I think your son would rather see his grandma and have a slightly late rnight than have a grand spanking birthday bash and be rushed up to bed.

Do you know OP's son, do you? 😄

It’s madness to think a kid will have a party with 20 friends then go to bed at a normal time

I vote you are being unreasonable (and a bit mean). It’s not unreasonable for immediate family to expect to see children on their actual birthday, and as she works 18:30 is reasonably the earliest she can make it. Sounds like you don’t like her and are deliberately making it difficult for her to see him on his birthday, then claiming she won’t fit in around your plans. If you feel like changing your child’s routine really affects him so badly, it’s probably not the best idea to have 20 kids running round late afternoon either.

I’d personally let my MIL do this if she was just popping in for 5 mins to drop her present off, can’t see an issue with that at all.

@SartresSoul

I’d personally let my MIL do this if she was just popping in for 5 mins to drop her present off, can’t see an issue with that at all.

Thing is MIL doesn't want 5 mins to drop of a gift. She wants to see him open it and then play with him.

So all the kids are gone by 5pm. By 6.30pm he will have had 1.5hrs to calm down and likely getting tired/ratty. But then in comes granny to hype him up again with another toy and play time.

Kids a poor sleeper according to OP so who gets the ratty overtired child after granny has gone and the following day? Not MIL!

Don't think OP would be so hacked off if it was just 5mins.