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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for my friends flights?

371 replies

scenesfromamarriage · 26/02/2022 18:20

My friends 40th was in December, I didn't get her anything but sent a card and said I would take her away for a weekend. She was very happy with that, we are very close friends so doing things for big birthdays isn't unusual. We were looking for a log cabin type thing but then I thought why don't we go back to a city we visited and lived together 20 years ago. I suggested this and she said brilliant idea and she was happy to do that!

I booked the hotel last night for three nights for both of us (a lovely hotel) and I booked my flight (we are flying from different airports and meeting there).

When I told her I had booked this she said, 'perfect, so will I just book my own flight and you will send the money over after?'

I said that I was of the idea that I would just pay the hotel and that we would pay our own flights. She said okay.

This morning I have received this message, 'I'm really sorry after speaking to (husband) I really can't afford to go, I realised that my passport needs renewed and the flights on top of that is too much. It's also an expensive city and I'm so sorry I didn't take this into consideration before agreeing. I just cannot afford the flights and if I knew they weren't part of the gift I would never have agreed in the first place and would have suggested we stay in the UK. We are really struggling just now with finances, very stressed about all the increases and it's just not manageable. I'm really sorry again.'

I am incredibly upset as I have spent the money on not only the hotel but my own flights. Going by her message it appears she wants me to pay for her flights, I'm not sure why she would assume that I was doing that in the first place?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Electriq · 26/02/2022 18:27

I agree with your friend

Rewis · 26/02/2022 18:27

I think "I'll take you away for the weekend" is a tricky phraising. I think it defo incudes flights and hotel. Then the rest is upto a debate.

Hb12 · 26/02/2022 18:27

Yes, I would have assumed you were paying tbh. Her message is perfectly kind and honest, so I don't think you have a leg to stand on anger wise tbh.

Wnkingawalrus · 26/02/2022 18:27

She’s been very honest and hugely apologetic and sounds pretty upset for having to let you down about the trip. I’d cut her some slack. If she can’t afford it there’s not much she can really do.

PicaK · 26/02/2022 18:28

You offer to take some one away means you cover all the costs. Yabu

Howshouldibehave · 26/02/2022 18:28

This really reads like a reverse which are always bloody annoying and never give a real representation of the issue.

The communication between the pair of you was poor.

Is the hotel booking/flight refundable?

TeaStory · 26/02/2022 18:28

Plus, it’s a bit crap to give someone a birthday gift that they have to pay a lot of money to use.

Original poster
scenesfromamarriage · 26/02/2022 18:29

@PicaK

You offer to take some one away means you cover all the costs. Yabu
So I'm expected to pay for her spends as well?
OP posts:
Gizlotsmum · 26/02/2022 18:29

Sorry agree with others I would have expected you to pay for us to get there as well as accommodation…it must have taken quite a lot to write that text…

gasty · 26/02/2022 18:29

She sounds like she feels awful & if she can't afford it what can she do.

Plus you weren't clear.

Bakewelltart987 · 26/02/2022 18:29

I'll take you away, but then after booking say you have to make your own way their. Now do you see where you went wrong? How ridiculous you should of said I'll pay for you to have a night in a hotel.

Original poster
scenesfromamarriage · 26/02/2022 18:29

@Howshouldibehave

This really reads like a reverse which are always bloody annoying and never give a real representation of the issue.

The communication between the pair of you was poor.

Is the hotel booking/flight refundable?

Not sure how a post 'reads like a reverse' but it isn't.
OP posts:
TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 26/02/2022 18:30

YABU sorry. I would have expected flights paid for if you had offered to take me to a foreign destination.

I actually think her message was very well put together. Most people are worried about increased costs right now.

You either pay for her flights or cut your losses.

GoldenGorilla · 26/02/2022 18:30

I would have assumed you were paying for flights. That’s part of taking somebody away for the weekend. You obviously didn’t express well what you meant, but honestly her assumption was reasonable. Can you afford to cover her flights?

Cakelover17 · 26/02/2022 18:30

I’m with your friend, you offered to take her away not pay for a hotel.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/02/2022 18:30

So I'm expected to pay for her spends as well? You're expected to clarify what you're covering. You've brought her a present but left it in a foreign country she can't afford to get to.

TempName01 · 26/02/2022 18:30

This must be a reverse. If this is genuine you need to apologise and change the trip to somewhere you can afford. You don’t offer to take someone away then ask them to pay, how embarrassing!

Howshouldibehave · 26/02/2022 18:30

So I'm expected to pay for her spends as well?

No, not her shopping!

Yes to travel and accommodation though. Otherwise you’re not being taken away.

TicTacHoh · 26/02/2022 18:30

Yabu

MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet · 26/02/2022 18:31

Definitely YABU! Oh my word.

Gizacluethen · 26/02/2022 18:31

Yeah you've really put her in a shit position. You said your birthday present to her was that you would take her away. YOU suggested the city. Of course she thought you were paying. You said you'd pay. You suggested the place. Why would you not pay. It would be different if you'd offered a few hundred quid weekend break and she'd increased it to 10 days in the maldives and still expected you to foot the bill.

You need to pay and suck it up and apologise. You should have just bought her a candle and a box of chocolates if you didn't want to shell out on a break.

FinallyFluid · 26/02/2022 18:31

You would be an ex friend, if you were my "friend"

dementedpixie · 26/02/2022 18:31

No, you cover the costs to get her there and the room as that's what you offered by 'taking her away'. She can have her own spending money.

A present you need to pay a lot of money for is a shit present

Singerleon · 26/02/2022 18:31

This has to be a reverse. Because of course you would need to pay for the flights if you have offered to take her away.

TempName01 · 26/02/2022 18:31

Also I think your friends message was very gracious considering, she must be so disappointed.

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