Page 15 | To not pay for my friends flights?

Mostlyjustrunning · 27/02/2022 08:16

The only thing I can think of in the OP’s defence is that at the point the plans were changed to abroad if I was the friend I might have said something like “Wow that’s generous are you sure it’s not too much with the flights as well?” and “I wish I could afford to contribute but I really can’t. I’ll make sure I save up so I can treat you to some nice meals”.

DropYourSword · 27/02/2022 08:18

I am incredibly upset as I have spent the money on not only the hotel but my own flights. Going by her message it appears she wants me to pay for her flights, I'm not sure why she would assume that I was doing that in the first place?

Probably because you told her that you were taking her a way for the weekend.

I'm glad you have decided to pay for her flight.
I think in future it's probably better NOT to offer a grand gesture if you don't actually want to follow through.

BoredZelda · 27/02/2022 09:22

Was that not the on where the boys parents said they would treat him for his birthday, but then didnt pay anything for him and the gf had to pay for it all when she had made it clear she could only afford to pay for herself and she ended up leaving early because the bf kept taking her money?

No.

User48751490 · 27/02/2022 10:08

That's shan to expect your friend to pay for the flight.

DemBonesDemBones · 27/02/2022 10:38

I can understand how she thought you would be paying for the flights but I can also understand how you thought she would be paying for flights.
I absolutely wouldn't have paid for everything without checking, though (but like your friend I'm skint )

scryingeyes · 27/02/2022 10:47

What a generous friend you are - and I could never have accepted in the first place.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 27/02/2022 11:14

Somebody mentioned ITV competitions upthread - can you imagine the terrible publicity they'd get if, when they said "We're taking you to Mexico!" what they actually meant was "Get yourself to Mexico, love, and then the budget motel is on us!"?

Or the converse, I suppose, on Saturday Night Takeaway - where all the deserving people are told by Ant & Dec that they have a place on the holiday jet - and if they then found they were dumped at the arrivals lounge and told to find and pay for their accommodation? In fact, the stated prize doesn't even mention the return flight, so maybe that isn't included either?!

LottyD32 · 27/02/2022 11:17

@scenesfromamarriage

My friends 40th was in December, I didn't get her anything but sent a card and said I would take her away for a weekend. She was very happy with that, we are very close friends so doing things for big birthdays isn't unusual. We were looking for a log cabin type thing but then I thought why don't we go back to a city we visited and lived together 20 years ago. I suggested this and she said brilliant idea and she was happy to do that!

I booked the hotel last night for three nights for both of us (a lovely hotel) and I booked my flight (we are flying from different airports and meeting there).

When I told her I had booked this she said, 'perfect, so will I just book my own flight and you will send the money over after?'

I said that I was of the idea that I would just pay the hotel and that we would pay our own flights. She said okay.

This morning I have received this message, 'I'm really sorry after speaking to (husband) I really can't afford to go, I realised that my passport needs renewed and the flights on top of that is too much. It's also an expensive city and I'm so sorry I didn't take this into consideration before agreeing. I just cannot afford the flights and if I knew they weren't part of the gift I would never have agreed in the first place and would have suggested we stay in the UK. We are really struggling just now with finances, very stressed about all the increases and it's just not manageable. I'm really sorry again.'

I am incredibly upset as I have spent the money on not only the hotel but my own flights. Going by her message it appears she wants me to pay for her flights, I'm not sure why she would assume that I was doing that in the first place?

AIBU?

You invited her

So you pay.

MushroomCat · 27/02/2022 11:20

YABU. You should of said I'll pay for the hotel if you pay for your flight or at least sorted out the finer details before booking.

Parpophone · 27/02/2022 11:53

Are you going to pay for her passport too?

She has mentioned that it is an expensive city. WIll you be paying for meals/drinks?

Sounds like money is very tight for her and now that you are paying for her flights she will feel obliged to spend money that she hasn't got

2bazookas · 27/02/2022 12:26

I'd have understood your generous offer of "take you for a weekend away " to cover flights , taxi at other end, accommodation and because its a birthday gift, at least one bottle of wine and slap up dinner

Just breathe in, tighten your girdle/stays, cough up her flight cost and all should be well.

cinderhella · 27/02/2022 13:02

I’m glad you’re paying for her flights, though she’ll probably still feel awkward. How could you have been ‘taking someone away’ if they’re taking themselves there

latetothefisting · 27/02/2022 13:23

Hmm I can kind of understand both versions. If original plan was for weekend in the UK, then it's implicit that both would pay to get themselves there. It would be weird for OP to send friend £20 for petrol, or to pay for a train ticket for her, and I would be embarrassed if a friend suggested they would do that for me, even if they were "treating me".

If plan then changed to being abroad I would expect a bit more communication from both of you - you checking that she was ok to pay for flights, and her that flights were included. But tbh depending on where you live £91 for a flight abroad is much less than the cost of a return train ticket in the UK so can see OP's reasoning. Plus as you say, where does "take you away" end - does it include also paying for all meals? What if they go to a show or museum, does OP have to pay for entry for that too? At some point even if I was being "taken away" I would expect to contribute something!

I think the only U people here are ones calling you a shit friend for what was a simple misunderstanding on both sides.

latetothefisting · 27/02/2022 13:25

Also why have so many posters quoted the full OP? We're all on the same thread and know what you're replying to, you don't have to quote it!

TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes · 27/02/2022 16:06

@latetothefisting lol re the quoting

Also the ones telling OP what to do, nearly 24 HOURS after the DM journo OP has said SHE IS GOING TO PAY FOR THE TICKETS!!!

KarmaStar · 27/02/2022 16:27

Your friends sounds lovely.Despite the embarrassing situation you put her in she still worded email in a perfect manner.
Op,your final post to date was that you were paying for her flights but did you not read her message fully?
She has realized the city is too expensive for her .
She's accepted responsibility for this and I think that a good think about heading for a weekend away somewhere where there is no inflated prices is a good idea.
Going to this city when she can't afford things will be a huge embarrassment for her and if you pay,resentment will sour the weekend.this might later the friendship.

TatianaBis · 28/02/2022 16:44

In fact if she was that short of money she should never have agreed to the trip in the first place. She would still have needed spending money which she clearly can't cover if she can't afford a passport.

AppleJane · 28/02/2022 20:16

@TatianaBis

In fact if she was that short of money she should never have agreed to the trip in the first place. She would still have needed spending money which she clearly can't cover if she can't afford a passport.

The OP didn't buy her friend a present for her 40th, she sent a card with a 'promise' of taking her away. Doesn't sound like she had much choice. Sometimes people put you in uncomfortable situations where you can't say no.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 28/02/2022 21:17

The OP didn't buy her friend a present for her 40th, she sent a card with a 'promise' of taking her away. Doesn't sound like she had much choice. Sometimes people put you in uncomfortable situations where you can't say no.

This. She seems to be being criticised for being handed a present that she can't use, because a large part of the present is the expectation that she must spend a considerable amount of money that she doesn't have in order to 'access' the present.

Instead, she was left feeling embarrassed, humiliated, like she was the one causing problems, when it was specifically supposed to be something to centre her and make her happy.

As for the passport, I'm probably unusual in that I haven't flown anywhere since 1998, so I know that my passport will have long expired - but I still couldn't tell you when it expired. Most people do travel abroad a lot more frequently than that, and when put on the spot and 'given' a present involving travel, probably don't instantly have the expiry date of their passport at the forefront of their minds.

TatianaBis · 28/02/2022 21:42

The OP didn't buy her friend a present for her 40th, she sent a card with a 'promise' of taking her away. Doesn't sound like she had much choice. Sometimes people put you in uncomfortable situations where you can't say no.

I have no problem saying no to things I can't or don't want to do.

FateHasRedesignedMost · 01/03/2022 14:10

If you offer to take someone away you pay for the travel/flights surely?