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Original poster

To be upset partner left at midnight after we were in bed?

183 replies

Kione · 26/02/2022 07:48

We have been seeing each other for about 6 months, usually everything is great and we are getting to know each other's quirks.
What I love about him is that he is really sociable, friendly and does the same job as me which involves caring which I live.

He is impulsive tho, at work, for example he will hand his notice if there are decisions affecting him that he doesn't like, instead of talking through things, he then takes it back after things are discussed.

He told me he is dispraxic, diagnosed. I have learnt that when he gets focused on something it's like the only thing he "sees" like tunnel vision. I don't know how to explain this. So when this was me at the start, it was amazing. Then that stopped and he has done that with other things, a trip away, jobs, moving house... and I feel kind of left to a side.

I am trying to give as much info as I can to describe his personality.

I am moving now, have a puppy, kids, it's been HARD. He is suddenly (3 days ago) obsessed with going to the gym, and has not been there to help at times when I really needed it with the move.

He planned a trip on a whim last weekend, asked me to join him but I declined as I was very likely going to get my new house keys. The trip got canceled due to the storm and he was very "distant" after. Then he decided to join the gym and the vibe has changed a lot. I imagine I am not the recipient of his focus anymore and tried to understand this positively.

I really tried to understand his mind and tunnel vision sort of thing. Yesterday he came to mine at 8pm after work and gym and I was shattered so left move things undone. We went to bed at ten, I was watching something on tv and he woke up at 12, said he was going home to put a washing on because he had 2 days worth of gym things in the car. I told him not to put a washing so late because it's noisy. He agreed, but still left "to sort things out". I was not happy, I really still don't understand... leaving at midnight on a Friday just like that. He has told me earlier he was going to stay at mine.

I know it's difficult to form an opinion without a lot of context but I wonder if there is other people like this out there and I should know him more or call bullshit and leave him to it. I find it very confusing.

Please be kind! Thanks

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 26/02/2022 07:51

Do you actually want to live like this , as this is how life will be with him ?

MalbecandToast · 26/02/2022 07:51

I'd worry he was seeing someone else OP Sad

MaltyChrome · 26/02/2022 07:52

It's only been 6 months. The getting to know you stage. If you're not happy for any reason you can leave your boyfriend any time ever.

Original poster
Kione · 26/02/2022 07:52

@GeneLovesJezebel

Do you actually want to live like this , as this is how life will be with him ?
This is what I am trying to figure out. Until now it has been really fun and amazing.
OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 26/02/2022 07:53

@MalbecandToast

I'd worry he was seeing someone else OP Sad
He is temporarily sharing a place with my friend and he went home.
OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 26/02/2022 07:53

@MalbecandToast

I'd worry he was seeing someone else OP Sad
But it did occur to me, yes.
OP posts:
SamphiretheStickerist · 26/02/2022 07:54

I'd worry he wasn't seeing anyone else and this is how he is, how he will always be.

You just need to decide if this is what you want.

MaltyChrome · 26/02/2022 07:54

It's easy for it to be fun and amazing for the first 6 months

runsmidgeOMG · 26/02/2022 07:55

@SamphiretheStickerist

I'd worry he wasn't seeing anyone else and this is how he is, how he will always be.

You just need to decide if this is what you want.

This Sad
FantasticFebruary · 26/02/2022 07:56

He sounds like too much like hard work to me. 6 months in, it's supposed to be lovely & fun. Don't set yourself up for a lifetime of this!

Alrightqueenie · 26/02/2022 07:57

He might be Dyspraxia but the impulsive and focused personality traits are more. ADHD & Autism. Dyspraxia is a developmental coordination disorder and sometimes appears alongside other conditions.

Original poster
Kione · 26/02/2022 07:57

@MaltyChrome

It's only been 6 months. The getting to know you stage. If you're not happy for any reason you can leave your boyfriend any time ever.
I know. And that's what I am trying to work out. I have seen him at work and other areas in life and his impulsiveness happens with other things, not just me. So I am trying to work out if it's worth it. I feel like his focus has moved from me as he does with other things, to maybe more of a routine relationship but it has left me a bit shocked.
OP posts:
CthulhuInDisguise · 26/02/2022 07:57

My boyfriend has adult diagnosed ADHD and can be very similar with the obsessions one after another, impulsivity, hyper focus on one thing, easily distracted, poor short term memory. He too has resigned and rescinded his resignation when problems arise. On his meds though, he's incredible. He told me all of this and said it sounded like more red flags than a Communist convention, but to give him a chance, which I have and he's fab.

It could be that your partner also has ADHD (sounds like a classic case to me) but that doesn't excuse the rudeness.

picklemewalnuts · 26/02/2022 07:57

Seriously, don't stay. I'm sure he's lovely, but that way of being will distress you in the long term. Don't listen when he tells you he will do better, either. It isn't in his nature.

My DH and I got together when I was his special focus. It was great. Once we were married, I was ticked off his 'to do' list and essentially became a household item. Worse, I'm an essential household item, and he can't do without me. It will only get harder to leave.

LemonRedwood · 26/02/2022 07:58

He told me he is dispraxic, diagnosed. I have learnt that when he gets focused on something it's like the only thing he "sees" like tunnel vision.

Dyspraxia affects motor skills and coordination. What you've described from him is not dyspraxia, just self-involvement and selfishness.

Original poster
Kione · 26/02/2022 07:59

@Alrightqueenie

He might be Dyspraxia but the impulsive and focused personality traits are more. ADHD & Autism. Dyspraxia is a developmental coordination disorder and sometimes appears alongside other conditions.
Yes ADHD totally fits, and I know they are able to have relationships, so trying to figure out if it's worth to stick around and learn, or just continue my life that was actually looking full of hope after years in a boring marriage.
OP posts:
Fashionesta · 26/02/2022 07:59

I dated someone like this. Sounds like love bombing at the start and now he's losing interest. For the sake of your own stress levels with the move and parenting etc get out. Not worth it!

I was basically dumped and ghosted after six months!! He also once got up at midnight to basically go home...

TeachesOfPeaches · 26/02/2022 08:00

He's your boyfriend not your partner !

Arabellla · 26/02/2022 08:01

How convenient that he became obsessed with the gym when you needed help with the move.

Be aware that he may use his condition as a get out for anything he doesn’t want to do.

I’d cut my losses now.

Original poster
Kione · 26/02/2022 08:01

Yes, he is my boyfriend, I tend to say partner because of our age, boyfriend sounds like we are in our 20s.

So yeah I get that.

OP posts:
Holothane · 26/02/2022 08:02

This would drive me nuts.

Original poster
Kione · 26/02/2022 08:04

@Arabellla

How convenient that he became obsessed with the gym when you needed help with the move.

Be aware that he may use his condition as a get out for anything he doesn’t want to do.

I’d cut my losses now.

I have friends sorted to come this morning to help move the big things with a van at 11. He said he'd go to the gum first thing and then help and I pointed out I needed help before that dismantling stuff, and he agreed immediately. So it seems he genuinely doesn't see out of tunnel vision and not out of selfishness. I don't know.
OP posts:
SunnyCoco · 26/02/2022 08:06

Oh god honestly, what are you getting out of this?!
You have kids and a puppy, surely you have enough going on without all this added stress and uncertainty.
Constantly handing in his notice, living places temporarily etc, is this what you want?

Original poster
Kione · 26/02/2022 08:07

He's just texted he's coming over Shock

OP posts:
Joystir59 · 26/02/2022 08:07

He's gone off you. I think you should focus on how this situation makes you feel, and on what you need, rather than turning yourself inside out trying to understand him.

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