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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sent a naughty pic and it went wrong! AIBU?

279 replies

OhMygodddd · 25/02/2022 21:38

Name changed for this, I think I might have humiliated myself! 🤦‍♀️

So I sent a suggestive photo to my fwb, however it is still all new, 1 month and we’ve only hooked up 3 times so far. The photo was from the knees down, wearing black high heels and a lacy thong hanging of the end of one of my heels. His response was “is that you?”

Ouch! Not the reaction I though I was going to get if I’m honest and I’m feeling a little embarrassed and rather awkward now.
I said it was me, it’s not going to be someone else is it with a laughing emoji , and he just sent the laughing emoji back… would you find that response humiliating? I think I need a new fwb already 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Journeynotdestination · 27/02/2022 00:18

He just wasn’t sure if it was a pic of you or some pic from the internet OP. I wouldn’t overthink it!

WisherWood · 27/02/2022 13:23

Haha knew I'd hit a nerve! Good leave OP the fuck alone and go back to your boring sex life

Trans: oooo, look at me. I'm so controversial. and about 14 years old

Exdonkeylover · 27/02/2022 17:37

I'd suspect it was the surprise of it may have taken him! If not, it's not the rudest photo to send and maybe he's not the man for you

mewkins · 27/02/2022 17:40

@BeforeGodAndAllTheFish

You sent a polite of your lower leg?

He was probably just confused. Just sent randomly and not during a chat about meeting up or him coming over and you waiting makes it a bit like, "eh, why are you sending me a photo of you calf?"

Just a bit of a strange photo to send really. Brush it off, move on.

I agree. If it has no identifying features in and perhaps if he hasn't seen you in heels before he may have just had to check. Also if you sent it out of the blue and he was busy with something his head probably wasn't in that space. I would laugh about it when I saw him next.
Passenger42 · 27/02/2022 17:40

It’s hard, but let him do the chasing, FWB is not all it’s cracked up to be and you sound like a nice person. Don’t give it another second though and focus on finding someone who is interested in you as a person x

Bobbins36 · 27/02/2022 17:44

Can’t understand why texting pics of yourself is in anyway sexy. Comes across as quite tacky imo. Each to their own but I wouldn’t dream of doing this. Then again I’m menopausal and frankly would find tea and a hobnob more attractive 😒

QueenBee70 · 27/02/2022 17:47

Omg I love this ! 😂

Stravaig · 27/02/2022 17:47

Dark chocolate hobnobs?

QueenBee70 · 27/02/2022 17:48

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

After a few weeks my bf asked for some pics when I said I was off for a bath. I sent pics of the taps. He never asked again. Remember to only send pics you don't mind shared op
Omg I love this 😂
Asdfghjk26 · 27/02/2022 17:48

He was probably unsure what to say and thought it might be a picture you had found, downloaded and sent. If it turned him on and looked good, he maybe didn’t dare assume it was actually of you. From his point of view, how much worse if it’s just a dirty picture off the internet and he suggested you’d taken it?

And he sent his reply before his brain kicked in (possibly because all the blood had raced elsewhere). He’s probably feeling daft that he asked the question. Laughing emojis between you seem about right in the circumstances. And if you can’t have a giggle and some vulnerability with your FWB then who can you?

TheMagpie · 27/02/2022 17:50

In the same way women don't like unsolicited photos, many men don't either.

Sfumato · 27/02/2022 17:51

I may be missing the point here, but my understanding was that a FWB situation was that sex was a sure thing, not something you had to angle for?

user1481055867 · 27/02/2022 17:55

@OhMygodddd
You maybe overthinking it a bit, though his reaction to such content was unusual especially that you have already hooked up a few times. Such pics would have been preceeding to you two hooking up, but maybe he is just not very flirty person and dirty talk does not come easy to him. At the very bare minimum a basic guy would say "sexy". Dont worry about it, you felt good about it, no need to be regretful or apologetic as long as it went to an intended party and not to emergency wats ap group from the office is the most important thing.

Tuskanini · 27/02/2022 17:59

You sent him a picture of some legs. He asked if they were yours. Fair question! What's worrying you about it?

Now, if you'd sent your FACE and he didn't recognise it....

Migrainesbythedozen · 27/02/2022 17:59

@OhMygodddd

It didn’t look like I was taking a shit! The photo was more like this, not one of me by a toilet!
OP that looks like a garter and maybe the fwb thinks you are hinting at a wedding/getting married, so I can understand why he'd be weirded out by that.
icelollycraving · 27/02/2022 18:00

I remember getting a pic of a guy wanking, sat on his bath, he asked if I’d send him one. So I did. Of my pussy.
Such a lovely cat. He had three legs.

Migrainesbythedozen · 27/02/2022 18:01

I know it's not a white garter (or even a garter) but it does look like that to me at first glance.

Userno36372846 · 27/02/2022 18:05

Maybe he doesn't know what to say or took him by surprise & didn't know what to say. Not everyone likes that kind of thing - even if you do! I've been with dp many years and he's never really been into that kind of thing 😅

CinderellaFant · 27/02/2022 18:07

Aww I wouldn't worry too much! Some men just aren't great at things like that- my DH included! When we were at the beginning of our relationship we went out for dinner with my family. All going well, he was getting on great with my family. I decided to spice things up a bit by playing footsie under the table with him. I slipped my shoe off and rubbed up his leg and he moved his leg out of the way while talking to my family. I done it again and he turned to me and said 'sorry that's my leg' and I was like 'what?! Blush' and he said 'that's my leg you keep bumping into?' And I had to apologise and pretend my foot was itchy so I thought it was the leg of the table I was rubbing as the whole table was looking at me 😂
I explained to him when we got out and he hadn't a clue, he really thought I accidentally rubbed his leg twice 🙄

HedgehogB · 27/02/2022 18:08

Just ran this past DH who loves this sort of thing - he didn’t think it was a bad response at all, and has no idea why you are feeling so bad

CountryMouse22 · 27/02/2022 18:09

What's an FWB?

Jenasaurus · 27/02/2022 18:09

I would try and forget this, its just something to move on from

Incidentally how would you feel if he sent you a photo of his legs with a pair of boxes around his ankles, it may make you giggle but it wouldnt surely make you think any less of him. Its just not his thing :)

keeptheaspidistra · 27/02/2022 18:11

Friend with benefits

Notmrsfitz · 27/02/2022 18:11

It’s not an abnormal response - admittedly it’s Not what you’d hoped but maybe he’s just a little slow in the cheeky text scenario?

When I was newly single, a friend sent me a text about what he’d like to do with me and imagining what I looked like in the bath - I assumed it was meant for someone else - sent back a laughing face and said was this meant for someone else?? He’s blocked me ever since !!

Another sent me pictures of him and his winky and they were posed in his mums bedroom- I recognised it 😂😂 that was a bit odd too.

Supertree · 27/02/2022 18:12

I don't think he meant anything by 'is that you?'. I could imagine asking that question if I couldn't see the person's face or anything identifying. It doesn't mean he didn't enjoy the photo. And then when you sent a more jokey message, he thought he should reply in the same vein that you did. Maybe he just felt a bit awkward because he wasn't expecting it. I could imagine my husband trying to make a joke because he's quite uncomfortable with flirting/talking dirty/any obvious sexiness from himself but would love receiving it from me. He'd just feel like a prat trying to respond in kind.

And to the people talking about a stiletto/thong photo being dated - not really an issue for most men I've come across! I can guarantee that my husband would have no idea of what is currently on trend for women or considered dated or a cliche. He'd see it and think "ooh sexy". I had a wardrobe clear out a few months back and found out some old 'sexy' lingerie I last wore when I was young and slim and pre-kids. It was proper tacky 2000s Anne summers stuff and looked highly flammable. My husband's eyes lit right up! I put it in the bin pile and he was most disappointed. He has no idea of what is tacky and doesn't care - getting to see me wear something suggestive/revealing would make his week. So I really wouldn't give too much thought to people suggesting it is because the photo could be considered dated. I doubt that would even enter his mind.

It takes a lot of confidence and you feel quite vulnerable doing something like that, but try not to take it to heart. It's really not that big a deal so try not to feel too down about it.

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