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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sent a naughty pic and it went wrong! AIBU?

279 replies

OhMygodddd · 25/02/2022 21:38

Name changed for this, I think I might have humiliated myself! 🤦‍♀️

So I sent a suggestive photo to my fwb, however it is still all new, 1 month and we’ve only hooked up 3 times so far. The photo was from the knees down, wearing black high heels and a lacy thong hanging of the end of one of my heels. His response was “is that you?”

Ouch! Not the reaction I though I was going to get if I’m honest and I’m feeling a little embarrassed and rather awkward now.
I said it was me, it’s not going to be someone else is it with a laughing emoji , and he just sent the laughing emoji back… would you find that response humiliating? I think I need a new fwb already 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 27/02/2022 19:25

It is ok for this man to not find this a turn on. It's ok for any of us to not find anything a turn on. Whether it's a picture of breasts or ankles if it's not his thing it's not his thing.

Should he pretend he finds it sexy so that the OP then sends more when it does nothing for him?

MistOverTheDowns · 27/02/2022 19:29

Posters who are suggesting that he didn't know it was her because he probably has another FWB and wouldn't be sure which one of them sent it.

How could that be because it came from her number, so he knew exactly who it was from. I think he was just saying, 'Wow-is this really you?'

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 27/02/2022 19:44

@HippeePrincess

I don’t think “everyone” would enjoy a photo like that. Sounds a bit try hard and unless you have a particular penchant for stilettos which are more than a bit dated it’s not exactly sexy.
Wow - ouch - way to get kick the OP when she’s down 👎
DoorWasAJar · 27/02/2022 19:51

@OhMygodddd

We’ve had sex a few times so it’s not like it was out of the blue in that way!

Oh god I’m going from cringing to dying and back again in waves! 🤦‍♀️

Staaaahp eeet. It’s him that should be embarrassed for being obtuse, not you!
DoorWasAJar · 27/02/2022 19:53

@NerrSnerr

It is ok for this man to not find this a turn on. It's ok for any of us to not find anything a turn on. Whether it's a picture of breasts or ankles if it's not his thing it's not his thing.

Should he pretend he finds it sexy so that the OP then sends more when it does nothing for him?

He could’ve said ‘Nice legs but I prefer them naked’ or something along those lines, obviously
DoorWasAJar · 27/02/2022 19:55

@WisherWood

We women get unsolicited dk pics and rightly complain about it, then some of you turn around and do the same thing right back to men and make it look okay.

Your ankles don't equate to someone's dick though. You can walk around showing your ankles to people, you'll get into trouble if you walk around with your dick hanging out.

We’re not living in Iran so ankles are not forbidden. Although I read of a school girl in Leeds being told to wear different trousers at school as her ankles were distracting to colleagues and teachers, IIRC Confused
H4ppyC4mper · 27/02/2022 19:56

Maybe he is just using you for sex, as you're both fwb, he maybe doesn't actually fancy you (sorry, I know of alot of lads who take it if offered it and didn't actually find the girl attractive. 'you don't look at the mantlepiece while poking the fire' is the quote.)
I think of those pics as a build up pic but I'd assume with fwb, there isn't a build up, you're literally just there for sex. (might be totally wrong but I wouldn't do the fwb thing anyway so not sure of the politics of it all) either way, I'm sure it was a good picture and not looking like you're on the toilet 🙄 I'd just save that kind of fun for someone when you're in a relationship with them.

Jayne35 · 27/02/2022 19:56

WiseMitera69
Great example you're sending your kids.
This is how grooming girls start by sending pics.
You realise that any photos you send remains on the servers.

It’s a pic of ankles 😂 and my kids do not go through my messages so not an issue for me, probably not for the OP either!

DoorWasAJar · 27/02/2022 19:57

@Supertree Your post made me smile 😃 Your DH sounds adorable and adoring x

AndNowNo · 27/02/2022 19:58

You're feeling embarrassed which shows it's not just fwb....

And he's feeling it too that's why he sent emoji back.

It's light-hearted. Don't get too serious, is the message back.

Piggy666 · 27/02/2022 19:59

A guy asked me to send a pic wearing a bra so I put it on my head and tied it under my chin
I looked like a plump fly with purple lacey eyes

mamabear715 · 27/02/2022 19:59

OP, save your photo, I bet it was beautiful.
When you're older with puffy ankles like me, lol, it will be gorgeous to look back on.
Don't take any sh*t from anyone, be proud. :-)

Winky1 · 27/02/2022 19:59

Maybe having other fwb he didn’t know which one was sending the picture and wasn’t committing himself

Jayne35 · 27/02/2022 19:59

Cringe. Wondering what the male equivalent of that photo would be and how I’d respond if someone sent it to me.

A pair of male ankles wearing socks and trainers maybe? Honestly, the OP didn’t send a revealing pic.

Isaidnomorecrisps · 27/02/2022 20:00

@MistOverTheDowns
Totally agree - OP - he knows it’s your phone ! So he’s just going “is this you (or has someone hijacked your phone”
And “is this you” is actually really sweet - he’s kind of have you done this for me. I would totally read it this way 🙂

Jayne35 · 27/02/2022 20:02

I think you need to grow up before you do something seriously stupid!

😂😂😂 only on mumsnet, OP be careful, next time you might show your knees!

DoorWasAJar · 27/02/2022 20:03

I’ve been with dp for years so dunno what’s happening out there, but in my 20s fwb were supposed to be low effort? I was never good at fwb, I’m sexist like that and feel like I need much more than that to feel satisfied... I’m just ‘needy’ or ‘hard work’ due to trauma so it never worked for me, the low effort type relationships. Once I realised and accepted that I need to be gentle with my emotions, I felt much better in general. And it was much easier to see which person was blatantly unsuitable for my needs.

Burgoo · 27/02/2022 20:07

Oh dear, bless you!

I think the only thing you can do is laugh it off. I suspect he was just a bit surprised and wasn't sure what to say. Especially if you don't come off as a thong and high heels type (?) in real life.

At least it wasn't anything too er revealing! If he sends anything in the future ask him if its him :P

IlFaitBeau · 27/02/2022 20:12

I haven’t RTFT but OMG when I read the thread title My heart sank into my boots (sadly no stilettos) and thought 1 of 3 things has happened -

  1. Naughty pic sent as reply all to entire company rather than a co worker OP is fucking.
  1. Naughty pic sent to OP’s family WhatsApp chat.
  1. Naughty pic sent to husband long not slept pic instead of to hunk on the side.
me4real · 27/02/2022 20:33

@OhMygodddd I would take it as it was so well taken a pic he thought it was of some model/someone online or something.

Tevion28 · 27/02/2022 20:34

I don't see anything wrong with this he laughed nothing wrong in that.

JMR185 · 27/02/2022 21:18

Bluelillies I laughed out loud at this.

Bertiebiscuit · 27/02/2022 21:23

I have literally no idea why anyone would do this - I think he's confused and embarrassed - & I don't blame him, maybe have a think about your M O

LoisLane66 · 27/02/2022 22:08

Fwb? What's that?

Biglipsmurphy · 27/02/2022 22:09

He's probably thinking 'we already had sex three times, what's the point of this'.