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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sent a naughty pic and it went wrong! AIBU?

279 replies

OhMygodddd · 25/02/2022 21:38

Name changed for this, I think I might have humiliated myself! 🤦‍♀️

So I sent a suggestive photo to my fwb, however it is still all new, 1 month and we’ve only hooked up 3 times so far. The photo was from the knees down, wearing black high heels and a lacy thong hanging of the end of one of my heels. His response was “is that you?”

Ouch! Not the reaction I though I was going to get if I’m honest and I’m feeling a little embarrassed and rather awkward now.
I said it was me, it’s not going to be someone else is it with a laughing emoji , and he just sent the laughing emoji back… would you find that response humiliating? I think I need a new fwb already 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
WisherWood · 26/02/2022 14:39

And the fact he didn't know if it was her shows he has at least two more fuck buddies.

No it doesn't. If he'd asked 'who is this?' it would have indicated he had more FWBs. What he actually said was “is that you?” as in 'is that a picture of your legs'?. It sounds like he wasn't sure if the OP was sending him a stock image.

Stravaig · 26/02/2022 14:42

Not everyone is visually oriented, OP. I'm not, so I'd recoil from a picture, any picture. My interest is sparked in other ways.

For a FWB then surely a direct, matter of fact request is more appropriate - it's not a romance.

PinkSyCo · 26/02/2022 14:45

The photo you sent does sound a bit try hard, especially as the receiver of it is just a friend-and a very new one at that-that you shag now and again. Maybe save those kind of pics for someone you know next time.

Adeleskirts · 26/02/2022 14:54

I’d agree for fwb just be direct if you want sex. You’re not in a relationship, fwb is basically a booty call when both fancy it. An occasional shag. You don’t need to be sending him try hard suggestive pics.

Is this the issue and why you reacted so bad when he showed no interest? You want a relationship with him? Or secretly think it is a relationship?

cherrysthename · 26/02/2022 14:56

@Maddiemademe don't assume some of us don't fancy women. I just think it's cringey. Like someone who wants to send a sexy pic but daren't go for it so sent one of their lower legs instead with knickers round ankle 😂

Gilly12345 · 26/02/2022 14:59

You are being very forward with someone you have been with only a month.

As you don’t know each other yet, I would be very careful who I would be sending dodgy photos to.

Gizacluethen · 26/02/2022 15:10

@OhMygodddd

For those who don’t think it’s sexy, would love to know your idea of a sexy suggestive pic then. Enlighten me.

Hobnobs and a cup of tea doesn’t count.

He's a man. Tits, arse or fanny 🤷‍♀️🤣 not shoes and pants 🤣

Better than him replying "who's this" though!

Crunchymum · 26/02/2022 15:11

@OhMygodddd

Name changed for this, I think I might have humiliated myself! 🤦‍♀️

So I sent a suggestive photo to my fwb, however it is still all new, 1 month and we’ve only hooked up 3 times so far. The photo was from the knees down, wearing black high heels and a lacy thong hanging of the end of one of my heels. His response was “is that you?”

Ouch! Not the reaction I though I was going to get if I’m honest and I’m feeling a little embarrassed and rather awkward now.
I said it was me, it’s not going to be someone else is it with a laughing emoji , and he just sent the laughing emoji back… would you find that response humiliating? I think I need a new fwb already 🤦‍♀️

Was he not thinking this was a bootycall / expecting you to reply "come over and find out"

That's how I'd have read it?

1forAll74 · 26/02/2022 15:15

He probably gets quite a few such photo's, so was wondering if it was you, or someone else.!

Chestofdraws · 26/02/2022 15:24

@1forAll74

He probably gets quite a few such photo's, so was wondering if it was you, or someone else.!
I very much doubt he’s ever had any such photo before 😂

Op, suggestive pics, without doing tits bums or genitalia..then it would be a pic of your stomach with a hint of under boob showing (assuming your stomach is in good shape, whatever you deem that to be) a pic of you on the thong, that can be done discreetly, even just a sultry selfie.

But honestly why would you do this for a fwb? As said, it’s not a relationship if you want sex just text and say fancy hooking up tonight’s. Free between x times.

BearOfEasttown · 26/02/2022 15:31

@Gilly12345

You are being very forward with someone you have been with only a month.

As you don’t know each other yet, I would be very careful who I would be sending dodgy photos to.

This. ^ I said something similar earlier, but the OP has chosen to ignore it.
Original poster
OhMygodddd · 26/02/2022 15:49

I didn’t ignore it @BearOfEasttown it just wasn’t relevant to me as I never send ones of my face in them or much of a background to identify that it’s me.

If it was even questionable, I’d just deny it was me and very likely to get away with it too, as people that know me would never think I would ever do something like that anyway.

OP posts:
BearOfEasttown · 26/02/2022 16:26

@OhMygodddd

I didn’t ignore it *@BearOfEasttown* it just wasn’t relevant to me as I never send ones of my face in them or much of a background to identify that it’s me.

If it was even questionable, I’d just deny it was me and very likely to get away with it too, as people that know me would never think I would ever do something like that anyway.

So you did ignore it then. Confused
Lucinda86 · 26/02/2022 16:29

How is it too forward to send a photo to someone you’ve had sex with a few times. We aren’t living in the 1930s…

BatshitCrazyWoman · 26/02/2022 17:22

Honestly OP, I don't understand his response, really. I just asked Mr Batshit what he'd think of a photo like that (from me!) and his eyes lit up.

We met on Fab (but are in a relationship now and have been for 3 years), so photos like that are commonplace.

I do think some PPs have been obtuse, and rather unkind. In your shoes (lol) I'd never mention it or send him a photo again.

NerrSnerr · 26/02/2022 17:59

Honestly OP, I don't understand his response, really. I just asked Mr Batshit what he'd think of a photo like that (from me!) and his eyes lit up.

Just because one man would like the photo doesn't mean they all would.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 26/02/2022 18:01

@NerrSnerr

Honestly OP, I don't understand his response, really. I just asked Mr Batshit what he'd think of a photo like that (from me!) and his eyes lit up. Just because one man would like the photo doesn't mean they all would.
It also doesn't mean it's 'dated' or that no man would like it. Lots of PPs are projecting, thought I'd join in 😂
NerrSnerr · 26/02/2022 18:05

It also doesn't mean it's 'dated' or that no man would like it. Lots of PPs are projecting, thought I'd join in 😂

The difference is that we're taking about this one man and it appears he didn't like it and that's ok.

If a woman said she didn't like men sending provocative pictures to them whether they'd slept together or not people would say fair enough. I'm not sure why it doesn't work the other way.

TheSnowyOwl · 26/02/2022 18:10

I wonder if it felt like you were trying to take things further than fwb because it’s more normal to send sexy photos to people you are dating or want to date.

Adeleskirts · 26/02/2022 18:14

@BatshitCrazyWoman

Honestly OP, I don't understand his response, really. I just asked Mr Batshit what he'd think of a photo like that (from me!) and his eyes lit up.

We met on Fab (but are in a relationship now and have been for 3 years), so photos like that are commonplace.

I do think some PPs have been obtuse, and rather unkind. In your shoes (lol) I'd never mention it or send him a photo again.

I think that’s very sweet, but surely you must be able to understand that your boyfriend is not the standard for all men?
VladsPants · 26/02/2022 18:14

Too forward to send a photo of your ankles to someone you’ve had sex with??? I’ve heard it all now Confused

BatshitCrazyWoman · 26/02/2022 18:28

Well to be honest we have no idea what he thought of it!

WhiskeyMakesMeFrisky · 26/02/2022 18:40

Just place marking hoping to see the photo 😆

Londondreams1 · 26/02/2022 22:25

Do you not think he meant “wow is this you?” Meaning “I thought it was a model!”
Might be some men’s way of making a compliment.
I can’t see why he would do anything else other than offer you a compliment.
If he was being snide, then you know he’s a snidey person and not someone to bother with anymore.

Even if he’s not a visual person or that’s not what floats his boat or he’s some kind of feminist against the objectification of women (unlikely), he could’ve said “that’s cute, but I prefer to see you in person” so you’d get the hint that photos aren’t his thing. But a lot of men do seem to like that kind of thing so it’s not like the OP made a strange judgement call in thinking he would.

Aussiegirl88 · 27/02/2022 00:11

Haha knew I'd hit a nerve! Good leave OP the fuck alone and go back to your boring sex life