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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sent a naughty pic and it went wrong! AIBU?

279 replies

OhMygodddd · 25/02/2022 21:38

Name changed for this, I think I might have humiliated myself! 🤦‍♀️

So I sent a suggestive photo to my fwb, however it is still all new, 1 month and we’ve only hooked up 3 times so far. The photo was from the knees down, wearing black high heels and a lacy thong hanging of the end of one of my heels. His response was “is that you?”

Ouch! Not the reaction I though I was going to get if I’m honest and I’m feeling a little embarrassed and rather awkward now.
I said it was me, it’s not going to be someone else is it with a laughing emoji , and he just sent the laughing emoji back… would you find that response humiliating? I think I need a new fwb already 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
LoisLane66 · 27/02/2022 22:13

Only met 3 times and already had sex 'a few times'?
Nothing like going in the deep end right away. 🤨

PossiblyDreaming · 27/02/2022 22:21

Oh, give over @LoisLane66. Even if you’re following the 3 date rule it’s perfectly normal to shag someone multiple times in one “meeting”. You can’t actually be shocked at the idea of a woman having casual sex, surely?

SukiPook · 27/02/2022 22:33

YABU to be annoyed at the smiley face emoji... you sent him one first! His was in reply to yours. So... laughing with you, not at you.

LoisLane66 · 27/02/2022 22:33

@PossiblyDreaming
No, not shocked at sex multiple times on each 'meeting', but casual sex...I know it happens frequently, probably very normal to many people but...and I'll leave it there.

Nena1 · 27/02/2022 22:37

@LoisLane66

Fwb? What's that?
Friends with benefits
StoneofDestiny · 27/02/2022 23:14

OP - If he sent you a pic with his boxers down at his shoe - what would you think?

Londoncallingme · 27/02/2022 23:54

How did you manage to take that pic?

PossiblyDreaming · 28/02/2022 00:38

@LoisLane66 so the only thing you wanted to add to this conversation was the fact that you disapprove of the idea of a woman having casual sex?

Kjpt140v · 28/02/2022 00:53

You've met three times and had sex several times?

me4real · 28/02/2022 01:05

OP - If he sent you a pic with his boxers down at his shoe - what would you think?

@StoneofDestiny It's hardly the same. Women's 'sex' lingerie and 'kinky' shoes/boots are seen as sexy.

Josette77 · 28/02/2022 01:51

Many people.have sex more than once a night/day. Also what's wrong with having sex right away? Some of us are very sexual and happy to have casual sex.

Touchmybum · 28/02/2022 03:41

Thanks be to all the deities possible that I am way too old and married for this!!! OP I doubt he’s naval gazing over this the way you are! Just move on!!!

Mumofboys109 · 28/02/2022 04:31

I’m shocked at the meanness of many of these replies… isn’t mumsnet supposed to be a supportive space? Sad for Op :-(

Smellycat290 · 28/02/2022 05:34

I was expecting so much worse!!

I’m guessing he just wasn’t ‘primed’. If you had been texting suggestively beforehand or you accompanied it with a suggestive comment, then I’d say his response was a bit linear and typical man! He was maybe in the queue at Lidl, or visiting his Mum and panicked! It sounds to me like he’s not had a pic like that before and didn’t know how to respond to you. Idiot! 🙄😂
I think you were being cheeky and sexy and you have nothing to be embarrassed about. If it were me I would move on, not mention it again and presume he is inexperienced in such things and it’s not his thing, so avoid it in future. As my DH would say FIDO. (Fuck it, drive on…)

embo1 · 28/02/2022 07:12

Wear the heels next time you see him

springflowerss · 28/02/2022 07:14

@LoisLane66

Only met 3 times and already had sex 'a few times'? Nothing like going in the deep end right away. 🤨
Wait until you hear about sex on the first date!
maybloss2 · 28/02/2022 09:20

I don’t understand yr worry. Yr not shy about sending the pic. But yr embarrassed by the lack of sexy response?🤷‍♂️

Mothership4two · 28/02/2022 09:21

@Mumofboys109

I’m shocked at the meanness of many of these replies… isn’t mumsnet supposed to be a supportive space? Sad for Op :-(

I agree. I think it's quite sad all round.

OP you sent a suggestive photo to someone you have sex with - not that unusual. You didn't send one of private body parts. It's not cringey, weird, dated and I'm sure you aren't daft to send a photo looking like you were on the loo. It sounds pretty self explanatory from what you have said and I bet it's intent was pretty obvious. I also doubt he's got a coterie of women sending suggestive photos and can recognise your number.

Are you sure "is that you?" wasn't a joke? I have a male friend who would definitely have responded like this, tongue in cheek, even if it ruined the mood so to speak. He does this kind of thing no matter the consequences, Or you just caught him off guard?

Once you've got over the embarrassment it's quite funny

OnlyAFleshWound · 28/02/2022 09:21

@embo1

Wear the heels next time you see him
When something has met with a total lack of interest and enthusiasm from my partner, I too like to repeatedly try to shoehorn it into future sexual interactions.
Mothership4two · 28/02/2022 09:25

@Biglipsmurphy

He's probably thinking 'we already had sex three times, what's the point of this'

Err, she likes me and wants to do it again?

Mothership4two · 28/02/2022 10:10

@OhMygodddd

If a woman said she didn't like men sending provocative pictures to them whether they'd slept together or not people would say fair enough. I'm not sure why it doesn't work the other way.

That is projecting. How do you know he didn't like it?

It's suggestive not explicit. I think if a woman came on here complaining about a suggestive photo featuring a man's lower leg and foot it would cause a few eye rolls

WisherWood · 28/02/2022 10:13

Err, she likes me and wants to do it again?

Yes. It's not complicated. I've sent nude pics to an FWB. It didn't mean I was wanting to get romantically involved. It was just revving the motor so we got off to a flying start when we met up.

There doesn't need to be this level of angst and OMG, think of the children, oh no, casual sex, it's the end of times. It's just sex between consenting adults. It's just a photo. Stop getting your knickers in a knot. Pun intended.

Sfumato · 28/02/2022 10:23

[quote Mothership4two]@Biglipsmurphy

He's probably thinking 'we already had sex three times, what's the point of this'

Err, she likes me and wants to do it again?[/quote]
But this is an FWB situation, not some tense ‘Will she or won’t she?’ thing, so these are two people who want to keep having sex with one another, because that’s the whole basis of their relationship.

Maybe that’s why you got a confused response, OP. The photo suggested you were actively trying to be seductive, whereas as far as he’s concerned, you are both in it for the sex, so it’s a foregone conclusion as long as you both continue to want to.

I have to say that his is what enjoyed about having a FWB — the knowledge that we would have sex whenever we met, because we weren’t meeting for any other purpose.

courgettigreensadwater · 28/02/2022 11:00

Haha. Reminds me of an episode of Cheaters on BBC iPlayer. Hilarious series. I wouldn't worry much about that tbh. Different if it was explicit 😯

CornishGem1975 · 28/02/2022 11:07

I think you are massively overthinking this - that reads as a completely normal exchange to me!