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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sent a naughty pic and it went wrong! AIBU?

279 replies

OhMygodddd · 25/02/2022 21:38

Name changed for this, I think I might have humiliated myself! 🤦‍♀️

So I sent a suggestive photo to my fwb, however it is still all new, 1 month and we’ve only hooked up 3 times so far. The photo was from the knees down, wearing black high heels and a lacy thong hanging of the end of one of my heels. His response was “is that you?”

Ouch! Not the reaction I though I was going to get if I’m honest and I’m feeling a little embarrassed and rather awkward now.
I said it was me, it’s not going to be someone else is it with a laughing emoji , and he just sent the laughing emoji back… would you find that response humiliating? I think I need a new fwb already 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
cherrysthename · 26/02/2022 08:34

@oakleaffy I mean that would explain it. Tbh I can't think why else a pic from the knees down would be considered a sexy pic. I have to admit though I find 'sexy pics' cringey in general. I've had guys in the past send me pics of them in their boxers or dick pics and I did laugh 😬

For the OP the problem seems to be that he laughed back when she laughed herself so I don't see why she's embarrassed. People do laugh in lighthearted situations or to diffuse awkwardness.

RobotValkyrie · 26/02/2022 08:37

Maybe he's just not into unsolicited pics? What did you want from him, clap like a seal and ask for more? Rather sexist to expect him to want to see these shots just because he's a man (sorry, "fuck buddy"?) and therefore must be up for sex (and the "social performance" around sex, e.g. leering a semi-nudes) at all times.

Not quite as bad as men sending unsolicited dick pics, but not that far off, quite frankly. Don't assume. Or do expect your cringy flirt attempts to fall flat.

Seriously, he's already had sex with you, there's not much "secret" left here to inflame his imagination. And the whole point of being fuck buddies is to skip all the romance "headache", isn't it? Sex on tap, no hinting, no chasing around. Flirting is romance. When fuck buddies aren't fucking, they watch Netflix and order pizza, not send each others suggestive photos.

CafeCremeMerci · 26/02/2022 08:39

@OhMygodddd

Don't be embarrassed. His response was odd. Most red blooded males would find it sexy, & many posters are being obtuse.

A month in I'm not sure what I'd have replied (probably, 'no I lifted it off the Internet. 🙄🙄of course it's me you muppet. What time will you be here?' Several years in he'd have a right to wonder if it was me 🤣🤣probably think my phone had been stolen. 🤣🤣. He'd love it though.

Looubylou · 26/02/2022 08:43

I can't see anything wrong with his response - that's what I would expect. Surely it was meant to be flirty in a humorous way? I'd be very turned off if I got a sleazy reply, or worse still demand for more pics, or a pic from him. It's not mortifying at all.

pictish · 26/02/2022 08:45

“There's nothing casual about taking a weird posed photo dressed up in 1980s porn clichés and then posting a thread on mumsnet agonising about the response.”

What’s this stab in aid of? If you find it distasteful, move along. 🤷‍♀️

NerrSnerr · 26/02/2022 08:53

I don't like the posts saying that he's odd and there must be something wrong with him. It is ok for him not to be into pictures, it's ok for him to say that and it should have been discussed before sending pictures.

If a man had sent a 'sexy' picture without asking and it made the OP uncomfortable people would be saying he's a creep.

5128gap · 26/02/2022 08:58

@RobotValkyrie

Maybe he's just not into unsolicited pics? What did you want from him, clap like a seal and ask for more? Rather sexist to expect him to want to see these shots just because he's a man (sorry, "fuck buddy"?) and therefore must be up for sex (and the "social performance" around sex, e.g. leering a semi-nudes) at all times.

Not quite as bad as men sending unsolicited dick pics, but not that far off, quite frankly. Don't assume. Or do expect your cringy flirt attempts to fall flat.

Seriously, he's already had sex with you, there's not much "secret" left here to inflame his imagination. And the whole point of being fuck buddies is to skip all the romance "headache", isn't it? Sex on tap, no hinting, no chasing around. Flirting is romance. When fuck buddies aren't fucking, they watch Netflix and order pizza, not send each others suggestive photos.

She's not assuming because he's a man he'd like it, she's assuming because he's attracted enough to want sex with her he might. She's not sending them to random men in the street. And quite frankly, the likelihood of a man receiving a picture like that and going into an offended huff at the (apparant) sexist assumption behind it is vanishingly small. If OP has against all the odds hit on a man with such delicate sensibilities, who manages to overcome them sufficiently to be into no strings sex, I'd be astounded. And if she's somehow landed herself with a man with so little imagination he thinks that having had sex there's nothing left to inflame, she's been very unlucky.
Frigginintheriggin · 26/02/2022 09:23

Had a very similar response to a sexy picture I sent to a fwb. It didn't have my face in either.
He was extremely socially awkward though (think aspergers)
Don't be embarrassed.

ClingClingDin · 26/02/2022 09:28

Unsolicited sleazy pictures are not cool.

WombatChocolate · 26/02/2022 09:31

If you feel awkward, move on.

The thing is, you know little about this guy and how he’s going to react to all kinds of things. You’re not at a stage of feeling comfortable with him, even though you’ve had sex and been intimate. Inevitably, quickly things crop up with people that you dont especially like. You’re free to move on. You shouldn’t be surprised about these things that crop up that you don’t like….the chance that his repossess will always be what you’d like is very low. He’s essentially a stranger that you just fancied isn’t he.

You’re trying to engage more with him via the photo. Think if it as engaging with a stranger…..frequently they say something you don’t like, and you just move in and don’t engage with them further. The difference here, is you’ve already had sex, so feel a bit more involved in some kind of level, however casual it’s been. It’s always the risk…you want to engage a bit more and it’s disappointing because they dint react how you hoped or turn out to be the person you want them to be. That’s fine if you’re able to just walk away with zero hurt. However, you sound a bit hurt by this.

CthulhuInDisguise · 26/02/2022 09:34

I thought I had humiliated myself too with a naughty pic - my boyfriend phoned me whilst walking his dog and said he had been imagining me in bed with him. So after the call I sent him a black and white photo of me wearing a push up bra and negligee (a little suggestive, not naked or being filthy). I took the photo a couple of years ago when I had bought new lingerie and was messing about with my phone, I was single at that point. Anyway he phoned me and with a very serious tone asked me not to send any more of that sort of photo, because his imagination didn't need it and he wasn't a fan of porn or mucky pics. He did thank me for the photo, say it was beautiful, and has used a cropped version of it (shoulders up) for the contact pic in his phone. But I felt really weird after, my late husband liked me sending suggestive photos so I thought most men would.

gah2teenagers · 26/02/2022 09:36

If you are going to do this sort of thing you need to own it. Meh.

elisenbrunnen · 26/02/2022 09:45

I dunno, maybe I'm ol, but I can't see why this is a 'naughty' photo? It's of ankles, calves, a thong. It's knee-down, not knee-boob?

Why are you cringing? OK he didn't get 'turned on' or think 'wow she's hot, aren't I a lucky guy' which is I suppose what you wanted?

GinGym · 26/02/2022 09:47

Ffs. Men are useless at things like this sometimes. I doubt he meant anything by it other than he wanted to know if he was going to get to see the boots and knickers in the flesh 😬

georgarina · 26/02/2022 09:49

Nothing wrong with his response? Doesn't show your face so he's asking if it's you?

You probably would have got a more encouraging reply if you'd said something like Yes ;) instead of laughing faces.

BearOfEasttown · 26/02/2022 09:51

@OhMygodddd OMG that made me laugh sorry OP. Grin

I wouldn't be bothered or care about this much if I were you, but it does sound (as a pp said,) a lot like you are one of several 'FWBs.'

BearOfEasttown · 26/02/2022 09:56

On a slightly different tangent, having never had one, I do occasionally wonder how people meet/find FWBs. Do they advertise for them ? Look on meet-up/hook up sites? And how do you know said FWB isn't sending these pics around to everyone he knows? Be careful what pics you send @OhMygodddd You never know where they will end up.

disclaimer * I don't want a FWB. I was just curious how people get to meet each other to be FWBs.

TigerLilyTail · 26/02/2022 09:57

Thats a dick response from him. I'd probably just block him. Blush

Gwenhwyfar · 26/02/2022 09:58

@georgarina

Nothing wrong with his response? Doesn't show your face so he's asking if it's you?

You probably would have got a more encouraging reply if you'd said something like Yes ;) instead of laughing faces.

But why would she send a photo of someone else? It's obviously her isn't it?
Ricksteinsfishwife · 26/02/2022 09:58

Meh, I’m not sure his response is the issue, a pic of your lower legs with your knickers round your ankles is more cringe in my book. Sorry op 😂

BearOfEasttown · 26/02/2022 10:04

@Ricksteinsfishwife

Meh, I’m not sure his response is the issue, a pic of your lower legs with your knickers round your ankles is more cringe in my book. Sorry op 😂
It is a bit 'Readers Wives' isn't it? 😬

This is the image that my mind conjures up. Shock

Sent a naughty pic and it went wrong! AIBU?
TheRealityCheque · 26/02/2022 10:13

Text back :

"Well, do you want it or not?"

HardbackWriter · 26/02/2022 10:16

@BearOfEasttown

On a slightly different tangent, having never had one, I do occasionally wonder how people meet/find FWBs. Do they advertise for them ? Look on meet-up/hook up sites? And how do you know said FWB isn't sending these pics around to everyone he knows? Be careful what pics you send *@OhMygodddd* You never know where they will end up.

disclaimer * I don't want a FWB. I was just curious how people get to meet each other to be FWBs.

Don't you normally already know them? Hence the 'F'? Or you have a one-off encounter with them and mutually decide you don't want a relationship but do want to shag again.

That's what I assumed, anyway - but I've only tried having a FWB once and 12 years on we're married with two kids so I'm not an authority on the issue...

Cocomarine · 26/02/2022 10:21

Honestly, you shouldn’t be sending photos like that if you’re not confident enough to cope with the reply.

He didn’t know if it was your photo or not. So he asked. Fair enough.

He only sent a 🤣 because you set the tone by sending one first.

At that point, you could have just said, “so now we’ve established that it’s me… do you like it?”

Or instead of laughing yourself in the first place you could have said, “yep, it’s me… lucky you, hey?” or “it certainly is - want to come over now and check for yourself?”

Seriously - don’t send photos if you’re so thin skinned you’re going to be embarrassed by a non event like this!

NameChangeCity123 · 26/02/2022 10:30

Maybe the pic looked so professional, he thought you had downloaded it from the internet and didn't want to say he liked it incase it was someone else Smile