Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sent a naughty pic and it went wrong! AIBU?

279 replies

OhMygodddd · 25/02/2022 21:38

Name changed for this, I think I might have humiliated myself! 🤦‍♀️

So I sent a suggestive photo to my fwb, however it is still all new, 1 month and we’ve only hooked up 3 times so far. The photo was from the knees down, wearing black high heels and a lacy thong hanging of the end of one of my heels. His response was “is that you?”

Ouch! Not the reaction I though I was going to get if I’m honest and I’m feeling a little embarrassed and rather awkward now.
I said it was me, it’s not going to be someone else is it with a laughing emoji , and he just sent the laughing emoji back… would you find that response humiliating? I think I need a new fwb already 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
HarlanPepper · 26/02/2022 07:21

@Crayfishforyou

Reply: No, it was your mum
haha! yes, do this
knittingaddict · 26/02/2022 07:24

It was feet? No problem the from a revenge point of view then. Does he have a foot fetish? Why feet?

thebakeoffwasntasgoodthisyear · 26/02/2022 07:28

I don’t think there’s anything to be embarrassed about. As another poster said, you can be lighthearted with a FWB, plus you don’t need to overthink as it’s not a serious relationship.

His reaction sounds like something my DH would do - he would find it sexy but feels embarrassed with sexting/dirty talk etc and so he tends to laugh or makes jokes instead.

Don’t give it a second thought.

pilates · 26/02/2022 07:33

Perhaps he was embarrassed and didn’t know how to respond?

Moonopoly · 26/02/2022 07:33

Your knees and calves might not be that recognisable?! Maybe he was genuinely asking if it was you?
Just reply yes and a winky face!

NobodysGonnaKnow · 26/02/2022 07:34

I’m not sure that response was that bad! It sounds like he was surprised, not disgusted.

NobodysGonnaKnow · 26/02/2022 07:35

Exactly. He might have thought you’d sent him a stock photo.

ToMockAKillingBird · 26/02/2022 07:36

Never send pics you wouldn't want your mother to see!

I wouldn't over think it, at least you can't be identified from just your lower legs.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 26/02/2022 07:38

Surely he was asking of that picture was actually you and not one from the internet? Why the embarrassment? Confused

wingscrow · 26/02/2022 07:39

What you describe to me seems a bit cringey rather than sexy, especially if you sent the picture out of the blue rather than when you were in the middle of messaging (so it would have had context).

Also your face is not in the picture, I actually think his reaction was understandable: his response would have to be different depending on whether you sent him a random model's picture or a picture of yourself. There was no context to it so how I would he know?

Also when you send it might have made a difference. If the guy got this while he was working/commuting or doing a similar mundane activity, he would not quite be able to get in the mood.

The problem with a FWB is that they are obviously not partners. Meaning you are not going to be his priority 24/7 and the agreement is quite business-like. So he might think of sex with you only when you are 'scheduled' to meet but the rest of the time, he is not focused on you and keeping a relationship going, so be mindful of boundaries. I think this might be a factor too in what is happening here.

Stravaig · 26/02/2022 07:47

Slight tangent, but in my day 🤣 FWB was a series of booty calls, with none of the trappings of intimate relationship in between. If staging sexy photos is now a thing, then it's Celeste Barber (instagram) or @Easterbunnyiswindowshopping bath taps for me ...

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 26/02/2022 07:49

Not sure I'd be sending sexy pics to a #fwb, particularly only a month in? It suggests more?

FrecklesMalone · 26/02/2022 07:54

Tbh stilettos are quite old fashioned so he might have thought it was a stock photo?!

Beachbreak2411 · 26/02/2022 07:54

What a weird picture to send!! Bet he didn’t think know how to respond as quite frankly its odd!

pictish · 26/02/2022 07:57

I think ‘is that you?’ was asking if it was you in the photo and not just some stock photo.

I don’t think it’s the end of the world. Meh.

Herecomesthesun2022 · 26/02/2022 08:02

@SeasonFinale

Maybe the "is that you?" was like as Wow is that you.

You responded its not going to be anyone else with a laughing emoji. (a joke)

He sent a laughing emotion back at your joke.

I don't think it had any hidden meaning. The laugh was in return to your joke. I think the is that you was said as a compliment as in "wow".

Do you think you may have read more into it?

I’m with this interpretation! I don’t think you need necessarily feel embarrassed at all. Just chalk it up to experience, shrug your shoulders and move on. If I were you I’d probably let him make the next move
OnlyAFleshWound · 26/02/2022 08:07

@LovedayCL

Nah, women are allowed casual sex if they want it.

Sure.

There's nothing casual about taking a weird posed photo dressed up in 1980s porn clichés and then posting a thread on mumsnet agonising about the response.

ClingClingDin · 26/02/2022 08:07

I'd be embarrassed about carefully crafting the picture to get validation from a bloke you barely know. It sounds like a really bad try hard idea. Don't be mortified about his reaction but think very carefully about how much you give of yourself (effort, time ,vulnerability as looking for an affirmative action). Just don't do it. I think if this was someone who you know very well, then maybe but not with a FWB, it's a bit degrading.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 26/02/2022 08:14

@PyongyangKipperbang

I had the "having a bath" "send me a photo" exchange once too as a PP mentioned. I also sent a photo of the bath!

I would take it as he was wondering if that really was you as opposed to a stolen-off-the-internet picture. In his mind knowing it was you would probably be more of a turn on than a stock image. He just didnt put it very well!

I was thinking this as well, was he asking if was an actual picture of you or just some random internet picture, hence the “is that you” question
NYnewstart · 26/02/2022 08:18

He might have thought it was a stock photo and been impressed it was you!

cherrysthename · 26/02/2022 08:23

He laughed because you did?

Personally I'd be Confused at receiving a photo like that as it's not sexy. The implication is that you need the toilet!
Send sexy pics or don't (I'd suggest don't!) but not odd ones of footwear with your undies dangling round the bottom.

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 26/02/2022 08:26

@SeasonFinale

Maybe the "is that you?" was like as Wow is that you.

You responded its not going to be anyone else with a laughing emoji. (a joke)

He sent a laughing emotion back at your joke.

I don't think it had any hidden meaning. The laugh was in return to your joke. I think the is that you was said as a compliment as in "wow".

Do you think you may have read more into it?

This would be my interpretation too! Try not to panic OP!
oakleaffy · 26/02/2022 08:28

@ENoeuf

Dunno sounds like maybe he wasn’t expecting it? Also the laughing face makes me think you are one of several?
“Is that you?” Could literally mean that… as legs shown only, but men without commitments can be pretty free and easy with other people. Just nope to any form of suggestive pic. Why give them the ego boost?!
5128gap · 26/02/2022 08:29

So many possible reasons. It may have been inconvenient at the time, he may have been doing something else. He may have thought you were dressed like that for someone else's benefit and were trying to make him jealous. If he's older he may be unfamiliar with it as a thing and not known the response etiquette. He may be put off by you taking the lead. He may not want to get into a sexy pictures scenario as he may not want to reciprocate. He may genuinely not have recognised your legs. In your place, id ask him. Tell him you got the impression it wasn't well received so is he not into that? FWB scenarios call for a fair amount of confidence and a thick skin. If you're cringing and over analysing the first perceived rejection, you probably need to buckle up for a bumpy ride.

oakleaffy · 26/02/2022 08:30

@cherrysthename

He laughed because you did?

Personally I'd be Confused at receiving a photo like that as it's not sexy. The implication is that you need the toilet!
Send sexy pics or don't (I'd suggest don't!) but not odd ones of footwear with your undies dangling round the bottom.

He might be a foot fetishist?