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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sent a naughty pic and it went wrong! AIBU?

279 replies

OhMygodddd · 25/02/2022 21:38

Name changed for this, I think I might have humiliated myself! 🤦‍♀️

So I sent a suggestive photo to my fwb, however it is still all new, 1 month and we’ve only hooked up 3 times so far. The photo was from the knees down, wearing black high heels and a lacy thong hanging of the end of one of my heels. His response was “is that you?”

Ouch! Not the reaction I though I was going to get if I’m honest and I’m feeling a little embarrassed and rather awkward now.
I said it was me, it’s not going to be someone else is it with a laughing emoji , and he just sent the laughing emoji back… would you find that response humiliating? I think I need a new fwb already 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Gowithme · 26/02/2022 10:31

Maybe text 'Well that didn't go quite as well as I hoped' and laughing emoji. You've got to be able to laugh at yourself I think, it wasn't like you sent anything too revealing, you might just have caught him off guard.

Original poster
OhMygodddd · 26/02/2022 10:32

@Cocomarine

There good replies!! I definitely should have sent one of those instead. I think my confidence just left the building so I was on the defensive.
I’m over it now, which is one of the pluses of a fwb, that you don’t really have to care.

OP posts:
WisherWood · 26/02/2022 10:36

I get why you're embarrassed OP. You put yourself out there, thought you were doing something a bit 'naughty' or whatever, and did not get the response you anticipated. But I don't think there was a problem with his response. It is a bit of a random thing to send. He might not be into those kind of pictures, at least not without some context and build up. And he may have been burned before in similar situations. So he checked if it was actually you before reacting further. When your reaction was laughing, he laughed back.

It's all over text and messages so you can't get tone or really read what's going on. And it is just supposed to be casual. If the sex is good and you can keep it casual, I'd keep seeing him. But your reaction suggests you're a bit involved in this so if you're not getting what you want from it, maybe move on.

PossiblyDreaming · 26/02/2022 10:38

It kind of sounds like you sent him a photo of yourself having a shit.

HangOnToYourself · 26/02/2022 10:41

If it helps op when I've been asked for nudes in the past I've sprawled myself sexily across the bed with 2 packets of instant noodles covering my dignity (noods) and got the same response. Presumably they cant imagine how one woman can be simultaneously that sexy and that funny at the same time.

Hasselhoffsheadband · 26/02/2022 10:41

Men can get a bit confused by subtle pictures ,, they mostly just want pictures of tits,arse and fanny. I wouldn't be offended.

Lol!

I don't think this is embarrassing at all - he probably just wanted to check it was actually you before he said 'phwoar' or anything, or wondered why you were sending pics of your calves/feet.

I am so glad I found DH before 'sending pics' was a thing. I would feel like such a plonker taking sexy photos, and then all the navigating the risks of them being passed on etc. No thanks.

But from what you have said it all sounds fine to me, and he put a laughing emoji back so it sounds like it's all very light and done with.

WombatChocolate · 26/02/2022 10:52

Yes, probably wait in future to send this stuff. Unless you're thick skinned and not bothered by the response at all, these photos can always make you feel vulnerable.

You probably need to be more confident in the response and the person before sending. This requires time.

Original poster
OhMygodddd · 26/02/2022 10:53

It didn’t look like I was taking a shit!
The photo was more like this, not one of me by a toilet!

OP posts:
Aussiegirl88 · 26/02/2022 10:55

Man I feel sorry for the husbands of some of these women commenting, you all soundj very stagnant! Those poor men! I bet it's nothing but missionary for you!

Op sounds fantastic, stay confident and if get not into that someonebwill appreciate those little things. Ignore these boring women

PossiblyDreaming · 26/02/2022 10:55

@OhMygodddd apologies. I had assumed it was of you sitting down with knickers around your ankles. If I received a sitting down one I’d assume shitting and think you were asking for medical advice.

WombatChocolate · 26/02/2022 10:56

OP, you're right, that you'd don't have to care. The difficulty is that most people do actually care. You can tell yourself it's totally emotionless and purely sex, but most of us are a hit more complicated than this. Therefore you have to protect yourself and not make yourself vulnerable...but the result of that is that nothing can ever progress. That's fine if you're happy with that, but again most of us are a bit more complex and our feelings do change and influence us.

So do look after yourself. It's good you've moved on from this now. But remember that feeling you had of being thrown and uncomfortable. It's not pleasant. But how can you avoid it in future?

Ricksteinsfishwife · 26/02/2022 11:21

@OhMygodddd

It didn’t look like I was taking a shit! The photo was more like this, not one of me by a toilet!
😂😂😂

I can see why he reacted as he did to be fair, it is cringe op. I’m sorry but it is.

But it’s good you’re over it, this is just shagging, so he likely doesn’t expect pictures of your knickers.

OnlyAFleshWound · 26/02/2022 11:44

@Aussiegirl88

Man I feel sorry for the husbands of some of these women commenting, you all soundj very stagnant! Those poor men! I bet it's nothing but missionary for you!

Op sounds fantastic, stay confident and if get not into that someonebwill appreciate those little things. Ignore these boring women

Yup, definitely must be the case if we're not sending pictures of stilettos and knickers like something out of a Scorpions video circa 1990.

Maybe he just didn't think it was sexy because... it's kind of crap?

NotAshamedoftheGospel · 26/02/2022 11:53

@MrJollyLivesNextDoor

I think I vaguely remember the days of thongs and high heels...

DP will have to make do with a pair of big pants hanging off the back of my gumbies.

GrinGrinGrin I properly LOL 'ed at this. 😂😂😂
HippeePrincess · 26/02/2022 11:57

Yeah that’s not sexy op

Walkaround · 26/02/2022 12:19

There was absolutely nothing wrong with his response - it was quite polite, considering the weird photo you sent him of legs, shoes and knickers! In all honesty, I think you’ve just gone and set yourself up to send increasingly explicit and identifiable photographs of yourself, so that he can be sure it’s you; or to accept the fact that sending photos like that is a really stupid idea in the first place, given how unpredictable the response is likely to be. Your bad, not his, imvho.

HoveringDonkeyofKnock · 26/02/2022 12:42

I think he’s just reacted with an off the cuff comment without really thinking too much about it. (Unlike yourself!)

Sending those sort of pics is straying a bit into dating or relationships territory. If it’s just fwb then I would keep it on that level and not do things like that.

Maddiemademe · 26/02/2022 12:55

Well as a lesbian, if I got that picture I would be straight over. Stilettos are always in the underwear seems pretty obvious to me! Don’t worry about some of the replies OP. 1, they don’t fancy women so don’t understand and 2, likely enjoy feeling superior. He may or may not be into it but then on to the next 😉. Enjoy yourself!!!

Maddiemademe · 26/02/2022 12:57

P.S as a retired porn star, there are pictures and videos of a hell of a lot worse and I have no shame whatsoever. I enjoyed it, despite popular believe women should be ashamed of it I couldn’t give a flying fuck. Their problem, not mine.

Original poster
OhMygodddd · 26/02/2022 14:28

For those who don’t think it’s sexy, would love to know your idea of a sexy suggestive pic then.
Enlighten me.

Hobnobs and a cup of tea doesn’t count.

OP posts:
BearOfEasttown · 26/02/2022 14:33

@HoveringDonkeyofKnock

I think he’s just reacted with an off the cuff comment without really thinking too much about it. (Unlike yourself!)

Sending those sort of pics is straying a bit into dating or relationships territory. If it’s just fwb then I would keep it on that level and not do things like that.

Exactly. It's a bit odd to send a pic like that to a FWB to be honest. And the fact he didn't know if it was her shows he has at least two more fuck buddies.
BearOfEasttown · 26/02/2022 14:33

@HoveringDonkeyofKnock

I think he’s just reacted with an off the cuff comment without really thinking too much about it. (Unlike yourself!)

Sending those sort of pics is straying a bit into dating or relationships territory. If it’s just fwb then I would keep it on that level and not do things like that.

Exactly. It's a bit odd to send a pic like that to a FWB to be honest. And the fact he didn't know if it was her shows he has at least two more fuck buddies.
BearOfEasttown · 26/02/2022 14:34

Not sure why that posted twice!

BearOfEasttown · 26/02/2022 14:34

@PossiblyDreaming

It kind of sounds like you sent him a photo of yourself having a shit.
LOL! Grin
BearOfEasttown · 26/02/2022 14:39

@Aussiegirl88

Man I feel sorry for the husbands of some of these women commenting, you all soundj very stagnant! Those poor men! I bet it's nothing but missionary for you!

Op sounds fantastic, stay confident and if get not into that someonebwill appreciate those little things. Ignore these boring women

@Aussiegirl88

Oh bore off. You know fuck-all about any of the women on here. Just because some of them think it's a bit weird (or funny) to send a pic of your knickers round your ankles to your fuck buddy, that doesn't mean they're boring in bed. What an incredibly stupid, judgemental, misogynistic comment. Hmm

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