Is this what defines a good mother these days?

[coffeelover13]

Just had a chat with my mummy friends and talking about our weekend plans .. I said that myself & DH are going away on a baby free weekend. (Baby is 8 months)

They were all shocked & said in quite a judging tone that they could NEVER do that !! How awful for the baby !! Wtf 😂

She will be left with my parents who absolutely ADORE her and I know she'll be well looked after. She's breastfed but takes a bottle or formula if needed. I don't see the issue here.

These ladies seem to think that they are better mothers as they have never left their babies for more than a couple of hours.

Looking back they were also shocked when the babies were 2 months old that my DH was "allowed " to do bath time. Again wtf ? He's her dad and after a long day away with work he loved doing bath time once home so I could have a cuppa.

Am I a bad mum ? When I'm with my DD I give her all of me. But I think it's just as important to spend some time with just my DH. Surely if we're happy as a couple that's a good thing for our DD
One of those "I never leave my baby " is an Instagram wannabe influencer & posts every 2 mins. So yes she's with her DD but spends 50% of her day on her phone. So how am I worse for going away for 2 nights ?

@AgeingDoc

Nobody ever mentioned alone. We were talking with someone else like grandparents Make your mind up. You were castigating me for looking after offspring that you consider too old a few minutes ago, but now it's only "fucking nuts" to take care of your own children but ok to get someone else to do the job? Why? If an adult needs to be with them, what is so odd about it being the actual parent/s if that's what they want? And believe it or not, we don't all have a ready supply of people who are willing and capable of taking responsibility for our children even if we wanted them to. Our extended families are all dead/demented/disabled/hundreds of miles away, none of which make them great babysitter material. It has always been far more effort for us to find someone else to look after our children than to do it ourselves and I don't believe in making life any harder than it has to be.

Emmmmmm ok. You have had 2 nights out in 25 years because you cannot leave your 15 year alone or with friend or someone responsible like an older sibling?

Absolutely nuts! Gonna babysit her yerself on your wedding night. Get a grip.

@coffeelover13

Just had a chat with my mummy friends and talking about our weekend plans .. I said that myself & DH are going away on a baby free weekend. (Baby is 8 months)

They were all shocked & said in quite a judging tone that they could NEVER do that !! How awful for the baby !! Wtf 😂

She will be left with my parents who absolutely ADORE her and I know she'll be well looked after. She's breastfed but takes a bottle or formula if needed. I don't see the issue here.

These ladies seem to think that they are better mothers as they have never left their babies for more than a couple of hours.

Looking back they were also shocked when the babies were 2 months old that my DH was "allowed " to do bath time. Again wtf ? He's her dad and after a long day away with work he loved doing bath time once home so I could have a cuppa.

Am I a bad mum ? When I'm with my DD I give her all of me. But I think it's just as important to spend some time with just my DH. Surely if we're happy as a couple that's a good thing for our DD
One of those "I never leave my baby " is an Instagram wannabe influencer & posts every 2 mins. So yes she's with her DD but spends 50% of her day on her phone. So how am I worse for going away for 2 nights ?

Didn't even read the post.. Your friends are incredibly jealous of your wonderful parents, you lucky thing!!! Yo have a lovely rest away and forget the group of friends

Enjoy your break :) i actually found it a bit easier to leave DD as a baby compared to now (she's 3) as she's old enough to understand I'm not there now! I would be pickier about who I leave her with now (in laws don't see her as often so I don't think I'd leave her overnight with them now but would as a baby!)

Oh goodness I hate to think how these kids will turn out.!

(Theirs not yours!)

The bathtime thing is weird.

The going away thing though - are you sure they were saying you’re bad? Maybe they’re more admiring of you? I wouldn’t have been able to leave mine at 8 months at barely can at 2 so I guess I do find it a bit odd, but good for you! I wouldn’t think you’re a bad mum.

At 8 months my son wouldn’t accept a bottle woke every few hours and slept in our bed so maybe they’re just envious and feel bad about themselves that they can’t do the same.
Most of the time people aren’t thinking you are bad, they are reflecting on how they are different and assuming that they must then be bad mothers.

Ignore. Competitive mothering is bonkers and hideous. Why do some women feel the need to outmother others?? V odd. Try and remember that it is mostly bullshit.

At 8 months old, your baby, today will feel abandoned and not understand that you'll be back after you've had 3 days away.

So mine felt abandoned in NNICU?

At 8 months my son wouldn’t accept a bottle woke every few hours and slept in our bed so maybe they’re just envious and feel bad about themselves that they can’t do the same

Or, maybe they just feel differently to the OP. Why must we always project negative emotions on women?

Most of the time people aren’t thinking you are bad, they are reflecting on how they are different and assuming that they must then be bad mothers.

Like the OP is doing, you mean?

At 8 months old, your baby, today will feel abandoned and not understand that you'll be back after you've had 3 days away.

Given that you absolutely know this, can you site your source please? No?
And given babies don’t have any concept of time, do they feel the same abandonment when you leave a room?
What a crock of shit.

@felulageller

Oh goodness I hate to think how these kids will turn out.!

(Theirs not yours!)

Would it not be possible to support the OP without judging and condemning mothers who do things differently from her (and, presumably, you)?

Would I have done that at 8 months? No. I was bf DD anyway who wouldn’t take a bottle, ever, and DS had some health issues so it wouldn’t have felt right.
People have different relationships with their respective parents so if she’s really comfortable with them that you feel you can go away and not worry then no major problem.
My DCs started staying at PIL when they were about 18 months-2 but we built it up from leaving them for a couple of hours and then overnight.
We did go out of an evening from when DD was about 5 months and could sleep through until past midnight so wouldn’t need a feed. She was more or less sleeping through by then anyway.