Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD- BIL has ‘spoiled’ dh weekend away

285 replies

LoveDaisy · 25/02/2022 12:33

DH’s brother surprised him a few weeks ago with a weekend stay following an outdoor event that will take up most of the day. It was so they could have some quality time away and as gift for dh, he paid for mostly everything. His brother had booked it for a weekend where Dh and I was supposed to celebrate an anniversary so, we changed dates so he could go on the trip. For context, Dh absolutely deserves some time away for himself, so no issue with the trip itself although the timing was off, I was ok changing the dates for him.

Dd was teething this week and ended up with a nasty cold which has meant little sleep for us all. I’ve now caught her cold on top of the infection I have which I’m antibiotics for. So I’m feeling like I’m on my knees trying to push through. But now dh has called to say he is disappointed in his brother… as he has booked tickets for their nephews too (their sister’s children age 3 &4) and had no intention of telling dh! It slipped out and Dh is now saying the vibe of the whole trip has completely changed. It’s not quality time, it’s baby sitting for a weekend. Nephew (3) is not potty trained and they both have never stayed away from their parents. Brother in law has a tendency to do this kind of thing 🙄
With myself and dd sick and the two toddlers attending, Dh is torn as he wants to cancel but his brother has spent a lot of money. The trip is for this weekend and dh has only just found out now, despite his brother booking over a week ago.

OP posts:
gah2teenagers · 25/02/2022 22:30

@Rewritethestars1

Bil wanted to play cool uncle and has imagined a weekend of fun as 4 'boys'. Bil is an idiot. When the toddlers go crazy because they are bored, scared, overtired and missing mummy, bil will flounder and dh will end up in charge and doing all the work with 2 screaming toddlers miles from home. Bil is fun uncle and has no clue. He clearly does not have children because if he did he would have an idea how ridiculous and hellish this will be. I think sil is also ridiculous allowing her two toddlers to go away so far, with childless uncle, when they have never stayed away from her. Can she not forsee what is going to happen and how distressed her toddlers will be. Id never agree to this no matter how much I needed a break. She is going to be greeted with two overwrought children on their return probably creating more work for her in the long run anyway.

Dh will return exhausted and stressed.

Your dh must be able to see how stressful this weekend will be. Hes a father. Why is is going along with this.

This. It’s like a plot of a new film. Feckless mother, spineless uncle and clueless uncle comes too. Enjoy the spineless DH free weekend OP.
Dishwashersaurous · 25/02/2022 22:34

Are the children even going to be happy being away for a whole weekend without a parent in an unusual place. They are so little.

Adelais · 25/02/2022 22:37

I’m really curious where they are planning on taking these toddlers? Sounds like it’s going to be a stressful weekend for the two men!

HaveringWavering · 25/02/2022 23:36

Then how is the man a BIL to the DH and the OP? Wouldn’t he be the DHs DB? Not “BIL”?

The “fucking op” is hard to understand.

Oh dear. OP wrote the post. So all the relationships are from her perspective. Fun Uncle is her husband’s brother and her BIL. Mum of the preschoolers about to have a weekend away is OP’s husband’s sister and OP’s SIL.

It’s true that any wife of OP’s husband’s brother would also be OP’s SIL but OP was clear that the children are “their sister’s children”. It is not known whether OP’s BIL has a wife or children, but this seems unlikely as any wife of his would tell him that he was being a monumental twat.

8 pages worth of posters understood this…

Kite22 · 25/02/2022 23:45

Another who would love to see how this pans out.

gumball37 · 26/02/2022 02:15

He should just refuse to do anything with the kids care. He didn't bring them along or offer to babysit. So he should just enjoy the trip

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/02/2022 02:45

I can't believe he thinks it's ok to go.
I'm sure he's probably gone by now but I hope he really has a shit time - it's all he deserves now.

I feel very sorry for the little boys too - I don't know how well they know Fun Uncle (good moniker!) and your DH, but I can't imagine they'd be too happy being away from their own parents for the first time like this!

Fun Uncle needs a kick up the arse for this whole set up. If no one can stand up to him in his family, then OF COURSE he's going to keep on doing this shit, because he's not suffering any negative consequences for it! This sort of thing really burns me up - someone in his family should have put boundaries in place LONG before now!!

Ivyonafence · 26/02/2022 04:16

Oh, it might be fun. BIL has shouted a trip away for the nephews and uncles, I think the good intention is there.

But BIL should have been upfront about it.

Beees · 26/02/2022 05:50

Oh, it might be fun. BIL has shouted a trip away for the nephews and uncles, I think the good intention is there.

Anyone who has ever met a 3 year old will expressly tell you that taking them away from their routine is normally quite stressful even if their parents are there to help them manage and there is lots of stuff to keep them entertained.

I really don't see how anyone could think a weekend away with their uncles at this age is fun or in any way beneficial to the 2 boys.

liveforsummer · 26/02/2022 06:35

Taking someone else's 3 and 4 year olds on a long journey to a non child friendly day long outdoor event in February - I'd definitely develop covid symptoms for that one. That's not a break it's a trip to hell!

rainbowstardrops · 26/02/2022 06:56

I'd be annoyed too! Your DH's brother could offer to take the nephews out any weekend of the year, so why this weekend? Especially if you said it's not suitable for young children and it's far away and the children have never left their parents before!
Why didn't he just take them to the park one day?!

Momijin · 26/02/2022 11:37

Wait what? They're not even his brother's kids? Omfg!! I'm an experienced mum and have looked after lots of kids but even I wouldn't take 2 toddlers away for the weekend unless absolutely necessary

Dontbeme · 26/02/2022 12:56

So your SIL gets a child free weekend facilitated by your DH, all while you are at home ill and left to care for your ill child, all because your DH can't stand up to his brother? I think over time I would resentful of your DH and his inability to put his spouse and children first.

Mummy1608 · 26/02/2022 12:58

What happened in the end OP? I hope your illness is getting better

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 26/02/2022 13:31

Ah your poor DH!

Howshouldibehave · 26/02/2022 13:33

@Dontbeme

So your SIL gets a child free weekend facilitated by your DH, all while you are at home ill and left to care for your ill child, all because your DH can't stand up to his brother? I think over time I would resentful of your DH and his inability to put his spouse and children first.
This.

I would also be bloody livid if he comes back from the weekend knackered and in need of rest having been looking after two pre schoolers!

Cherryberrybonbon · 26/02/2022 17:36

I’d just say sorry but my own child is ill so I’m not taking the loss leaving for a weekend to look a free my nephews when my own child and wife could do with me being at home

Missingpop · 26/02/2022 17:38

Be honest say your daughter is unwell; your unwell & he’s needed at home his priorities are to his family & he’s taking care of you both & that he’s beginning to feel full if cold too. It will teach Bil for being a smarmy bugger. X

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/02/2022 17:41

BiL totally taking the piss... could't handle looking after his own children so roped your DH into it without telling his?

Your DH should come home and look after his own family. And rip his brother a new one...

Franca123 · 26/02/2022 17:42

I think it's beyond rude to take kids on what has previously been sold as an adult holiday. Particularly once it's all paid for. It's just a dick move.

PeacefulPrune · 26/02/2022 17:45

If he's going to go at the very least he should be telling BIl that he's disappointed that you presented it as adults only and now kids are coming, and that this isnt the first time it's happened. I feel tricked into it.

If he goes and doesnyt say anything about it he might aswell have doormat wrote on his head.

YupNameChangeAgain · 26/02/2022 17:46

@SmellyOldOwls

YANBU but you could use this to your advantage, get DH to take your kids so you get a rest this weekend, kids all get to play together, DH and brother spend some time together?
This !
Murdoch1949 · 26/02/2022 17:47

Definitely sounds as if BIL wanted to help out sis by babysitting her children, then realised he needed help so conjured up a way to hook his brother in to help him. Has BIL got children, or is he relying on your partner's expertise? Your partner should decline, using your illness as an excuse if he is not able to turn his brother down without support! What a player your BIL is!

Londoncallingme · 26/02/2022 17:47

Are they the Bil’s children? Or another sibling?

Yellownightmare · 26/02/2022 17:53

I'd go absolutely apeshit if someone did this to me. Presumably BiL doesn't have children of his own and doesn't fancy having to look after SIL's on his own, and doesn't realise why his brother might need a break from children altogether. It's awful for you too as not only won't you have someone to share the childcare while you're feeling ill, you're also not going to benefit from DH coming home refreshed.

I'd be absolutely livid with BiL. Absolute CF. I don't think I could avoid telling him my feelings, either.