Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD- BIL has ‘spoiled’ dh weekend away

285 replies

LoveDaisy · 25/02/2022 12:33

DH’s brother surprised him a few weeks ago with a weekend stay following an outdoor event that will take up most of the day. It was so they could have some quality time away and as gift for dh, he paid for mostly everything. His brother had booked it for a weekend where Dh and I was supposed to celebrate an anniversary so, we changed dates so he could go on the trip. For context, Dh absolutely deserves some time away for himself, so no issue with the trip itself although the timing was off, I was ok changing the dates for him.

Dd was teething this week and ended up with a nasty cold which has meant little sleep for us all. I’ve now caught her cold on top of the infection I have which I’m antibiotics for. So I’m feeling like I’m on my knees trying to push through. But now dh has called to say he is disappointed in his brother… as he has booked tickets for their nephews too (their sister’s children age 3 &4) and had no intention of telling dh! It slipped out and Dh is now saying the vibe of the whole trip has completely changed. It’s not quality time, it’s baby sitting for a weekend. Nephew (3) is not potty trained and they both have never stayed away from their parents. Brother in law has a tendency to do this kind of thing 🙄
With myself and dd sick and the two toddlers attending, Dh is torn as he wants to cancel but his brother has spent a lot of money. The trip is for this weekend and dh has only just found out now, despite his brother booking over a week ago.

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 25/02/2022 18:04

Wow-I can’t believe he’s going-this would be a bit of a deal breaker for me. Can you phone DH’s sister?

Itsthemaybelline · 25/02/2022 18:04

Why is BIL taking the kids so far away to look after them? Maybe it's the SIL who foisted her kids on him.

ThisIsGroundControl · 25/02/2022 18:07

Whose kids are they? I have re read your posts but either comprehension fail or not clear.

Are they BIL kids?

RampantIvy · 25/02/2022 18:08

There's a weird dynamic with the in laws where no one ever questions BIL, it's his way or no way kind of thing.

That's because the rest of the family enable it.

Blackbird2020 · 25/02/2022 18:12

I can’t believe what I’m reading. You’re either making this up for a bit of Friday night MN excitement, or you’ve married someone who seems to be missing his spine.

His brother hasn’t even bothered to make up some half-arsed excuse of why there will be two small children present at this expensive weekend away (neither of whom are actually the children of these two men) when he called your DH THE DAY HE WAS LEAVING.

What exactly does your BIL have over your DH to effect so much control over him?!??

Beees · 25/02/2022 18:13

@ThisIsGroundControl

Whose kids are they? I have re read your posts but either comprehension fail or not clear.

Are they BIL kids?

I thought the OP had made it quite clear. The kids are her husbands sisters children. Both the OPs husband and his brother are the children's uncles.
newnameforthis76 · 25/02/2022 18:13

@Teeturtle

Perhaps he thought it would be nice to spend time with the nephews?

I cannot imagine myself cancelling something because I found out my young niece was attending.

It was supposed to be a grown-up break for him. His own child isn’t going. It’s also his anniversary with OP, and they rearranged their plans so he could have a well-deserved break.

He has now essentially been asked to rearrange his anniversary time with his wife and to leave his own sick child, who is ill, and his wife, also ill, purely spend that same time looking after someone else’s toddlers instead.

Essentially, he isn’t being offered a relaxing break any more; he’s being offered a day of looking after two small children that will inevitably revolve around them. One of them is still in nappies and neither have ever spent a night away from their parents before. How much fun is that actually likely to be for him? He won’t even be able to go out for an evening meal that night or have a few drinks. It’s not a treat for a grown man to be changing nappies and sitting around all evening with two kids who are either sleeping or crying for their parents.

I love my nieces and nephews dearly but would I consider babysitting them on unfamiliar turf for a whole weekend to be any kind of fun? No. It would be exhausting, stressful and boring.

tolerable · 25/02/2022 18:21

@billy1966 -bit harsh. relationships/marriages survive way more than that!
given op-was opting to push through the weekend already...hasnt indicated object to being left.more annoyed bil not been honest?
op-hope your feeling better soon and despite sneaky babysit-they all have a great time.

LIZS · 25/02/2022 18:21

Assume bil has no kids of his own , likes playing fun uncle but not the hard graft of caring for them?

Beees · 25/02/2022 18:26

@LIZS

Assume bil has no kids of his own , likes playing fun uncle but not the hard graft of caring for them?
If that's the case he will be in for a huge shock when the 2 tiny tots are screaming and inconsolable at bedtime on night one. It's the first time they have ever been away from their parents, they are in an unfamiliar location and a strange bed even the most resilient 3 year old would find that challenging.

If he was hoping for a fun weekend playing house he's going to be sincerely regretting his life choices.

LIZS · 25/02/2022 18:28

We can but hope. If, if dh is still going he needs to insist on not doing the childcare, he needs a break not a bus mans holiday.

CoraPirbright · 25/02/2022 18:31

Absolutely agree with newname. This is totally shit.

iRun2eatCake · 25/02/2022 18:33

How are they going to do the outdoor activities if they have children to look after?

Personally l don't think DH should go as you are unwell. I think it's a bit crappy of him to leave you just to look after someone elses when there is a perfectly well adult there

ElegantlyTouched · 25/02/2022 18:38

I hope he’s got a shitload of alcohol with him.

GabriellaMontez · 25/02/2022 18:42

I'd hit the fucking roof if dh left me to look after our child (whilst ill) while he went to look after someone elses kids. Because his brother told him to.

Laiste · 25/02/2022 18:45

@GabriellaMontez

I'd hit the fucking roof if dh left me to look after our child (whilst ill) while he went to look after someone elses kids. Because his brother told him to.
I was about to type this.

He's packed his overnight bag though. He's going by the looks of it.

Beautiful3 · 25/02/2022 18:47

I'd cancel. Its not a relaxing weekend away. Its babysitting.

Lilac57 · 25/02/2022 18:48

Crikey, why on earth would anyone spend money on a weekend away just to babysit a couple of young kids. I can't imagine anyone I know doing this, but if they did, I wouldn't worry about them holding a grudge because I'd be keeping my distance from them anyway!

SeagullSong · 25/02/2022 18:52

Wonder if BIL really wanted time with the nephews, or if he hoped OP would offer to take the kids for the weekend so her DH could have his break 🤔

DryOldCaper · 25/02/2022 19:19

This is so weird.

Another one wondering what BIL has over your husband that he’s so terrified of saying ‘no’ to him.

HaveringWavering · 25/02/2022 19:24

This is the bit I am struggling to get my head around- he has booked tickets for their nephews too (their sister’s children age 3 &4) and had no intention of telling dh! It slipped out

So how did BIL think this was going to play out? He turns up in the car, your DH jumps in and turns round to see two preschoolers in the back waving “hello Uncle Fred!”

Does BIL have kids of his own? This is utterly insane.

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/02/2022 19:27

I would check in with his sister to find out how long it was planned uncle had kids

What outdoor event is it

Would a 3&4yr enjoy

Are you all in same room in a hotel

JingsMahBucket · 25/02/2022 19:41

I’m also trying to figure out the sister’s role and if she knew all the background info about the weekend away. Sounds like the brother has been BSing both of his siblings.

Mummy1608 · 25/02/2022 19:52

However, dh feels his brother would hold a grudge if he didn’t turn up

Hmm, I think I'd hold a grudge against my husband if he DID go lol.

Why is he such a yes-man to everyone except his own wife...? That's really not ok

1FootInTheRave · 25/02/2022 19:52

I'd be livid to have 2 kids foisted on me on what should be an adult break. How ridiculous.