To tell my sister to fuck off making comments about my son?

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My son is almost 2.5, and I’m concerned about his speech. It seems that all other toddlers I know are talking in sentences and my little one just isn’t yet. My sister keeps making comments and I’m so sick of it.

He can say lots of words, his new favourite is spinosaurus which I’m super impressed with. He says at least 50 words, and will occasionally join words together, just not all the time. He said the other day after he got into bed - oh no, where’s my dummy gone? (he only has it for bed time). If I or my partner leave the room for example, he’ll say daddy/mummy come back. If I ask him body parts he can’t name them, he just laughs at me and runs away. He knows his animals though. Should I be concerned he can’t name body parts? Everywhere I’ve read states he should be talking in sentences now and if he’s not he’s really behind. Add on my sisters continuous comments and I’m stressed.

My sisters little one is much further advanced in speech - he’s 4 months younger. And she’s always saying oh shouldn’t he be talking more by now, he doesn’t say much does he, what are you going to do when he’s 3 and he’s still not talking. She knows when his birthday is but said the other day oh is he going to be 3 this year? Knowing full well he is and then followed it up with he’s still not talking much. Like she was trying to say wow he’s 3 this year and isn’t talking. Every time she comes to my house it's like look what my little one can say, say this, say that, oh you're clever, oh you're so smart, you are talking so well. His speech is so good isn't it? I just feel awful every time she's here. I’m just sick of constantly defending him to her attacks. She moans about him being too rough, he's just a busy boy who likes to play, her son is so sensitive and cries at everything - I feel like she's picking him apart every time he does something. Last time she made a comment saying 'you're disabled' because he was being silly, she said it jokingly but it upset me. I've spoken to her about the way it makes me feel and she told me I was being pathetic and to fuck off.

He attends nursery 1 day a week and they haven’t any concerns, I emailed my HV and she said if I have concerns they can come out and do an assessment to see if he needs speech therapy but she said the waiting list is very long. She said because he attends nursery they could also refer? I don’t know whether I should bring it up to the nursery, or ring the HV’s back and get an initial assessment first.

Is he that far behind on speech? What to do about my sister?

She’s clearly insecure. DD1 was talking in complex sentences well before her second birthday but was an atrocious sleeper, detested strangers and could barely coordinate getting up the stairs. When I used to watch younger toddlers playing happily on the equipment at the park and she still needed me to help her onto everything I used to repeatedly tell myself ‘yes she’s rubbish at this but her speech is outstanding’.

Your sister should NOT have said anything out loud, though, that’s inexcusable. Whatever her anxieties are, she shouldn’t be taking them out on your DS.

About your sister, is she still making derogatory remarks about your son?
Some people will never admit they are in the wrong, but will change their behaviour after they have been approached about it. If she has changed how she speaks about him, then you can just move on , you don't really need an apology ( although I can see why you'd want one).
If she is still being nasty, then you will have to tell her that much as you love her, you can't allow your son to be subject to her negative comments as it's damaging for him, and so that if she can't be polite and loving in front of him then you have no option but protect his interests by keeping her away from him. This is a fairly nuclear option though, and will likely cause a family rift.
As far as DS is concerned, it sounds as if his speech is developing - if he create his own sentences and new words, he clearly understands how language works.
One of my boys barely spoke until he was almost 3. At 2 1/2, the HV said she wouldn't refer him until he was 3 because it was her experience that he would likely be talking by then, and she was right. In the meantime, she had tried giving him multi-step instructions to check his understanding. Things like "put the doll with the blue jumper onto the red chair" and "can you get the small cup and give it to Mum and then give me the plate." She was able to satisfy herself and me that there was nothing wrong with his comprehension. By the time he was 5 school were telling me he was gifted in several areas, so I can say that late speech is not necessarily indicative of a problem.
Quite honestly, the question " oh no, where's my dummy gone?" is quite complex in that he's using a pronoun, referring to an object that isn't right in front of him, and has constructed a sentence using a main clause and a subordinate one. I suspect he'll be fine!

My son is 2.5 and wouldn’t manage a sentence as complex as ‘oh no, where’s my dummy gone?’ He still talks about himself in the third person so it would be ‘oh no where [name] dummy gone?’ And I’ve got no concerns about his development at all. I think correctly using a first person possessive pronoun at your son’s age is good going!

On the other hand using ‘disabled’ as an insult is absolutely appalling.

Late to the thread. Your DS doesn’t sound particularly delayed, but I’d get a referral to SALT because it can take ages. By the time he sees a SALT you will be in a better position to know if there is a delay, or can simply cancel the appointment if it’s no longer a concern.

My DS1 was more delayed than your DS. He had SALT monthly from 3-4, which was mostly giving me tips on how to increase his use of language, tbh. He was a late reader as well.

He turned out to be very good at maths, caught up with his English, got good GCSEs in all subjects and has a maths degree from Warwick.

DS2 however, was similarly delayed but has other issues with communication and was diagnosed with ASD. I have to say your DS doesn’t sound like him at all and his current communication sounds fine to me. He obviously want to communicate and share information with you.

Ignore your sister, comparison is the thief of joy.

One of mine had a s&l delay but excellent comprehension. He was slow to read but fluent at 7 & is advanced now.

Yes, stop seeing her as much, get out to meet other mums and build your own support network. Just because she’s your sister dies t mean you have to see her more than other people, especially if she enjoys putting your son down.

*Doesn’t

My dd is 3, and non verbal. She has some words, but no functional language. People comment on it all the time. Unfortunately people will always comment. It's just part and parcel of being human.
I'd just tell her to mind her own business, and please stop commenting unless she can be kind.

However I think at 2.5 if you have concerns, I would be asking for referrals. They can take so long to get seen, and by the time you get round to an appointment he may not need it, but if he does you're on the list and ready.

Last time she made a comment saying 'you're disabled' because he was being silly

That's truly awful. What a horrid person she is. Coming to your house and deliberately rubbing it in your face that her DS is oh so wonderful at talking is so mean and spiteful when she knows you're concerned about your DS. What kind of sister does this? If you want to salvage your relationship I would sit her down and tell her how hurtful and unsupportive her actions are and that proper sisters don't do this to one another.

Your child sounds absolutely fine by the way. My DCs were early talkers but quite slow at mastering physical skills - they all have their strengths and it all mostly evens out in the end. Boys in particular can be slow to speak. One of my nephews barely spoke at all until 3yo and not properly until 4 yet now he's an exceptionally bright, perfectly normal and healthy boy. Don't worry!

@MarmaladeToastAndAMarmaladeCat

Your sister is being a bit of a dick. Don’t let her make you feel like anything she has done has encouraged her child to be ahead speechwise. My Ds1 was a little speech delayed. The AMOUNT of people that told me I needed to talk to him more / read to him / narrate everything I was doing was unbelievable. I was doing all that and it felt like a bit of an attack on me like I hadn’t done enough with him and that’s why his speech was behind. It was only when I had ds2 who came out with full sentences at 14 months that I realised how little it had to do with me and that some kids are just naturally quicker or slower with speech. Your ds sounds fine.

Oh GOD, I forgotten that. The temptation to say: “Oh, I’ve no time for that, I just put him in a cardboard box and shut him in the cupboard all day. He’s as happy as a clam in there, never makes a peep.”

Your sister sounds pretty horrid if you ask me.

Your son sounds fine and with in the normal range. If you are concerned then speak to nursery as they can refer to SALT on his behalf. Even though he’s probably fine it may well be worth starting the process as wait times are long.

Early talking is no indication of future brilliance. Just enjoy your little boy and tell your sister to get stuffed.

Just as a thought, is your sister jealous of other aspects of your life? Is this maybe why she’s being an arse about your sons speech?

we had a major falling out over it. Didn't speak for 2 weeks. I said I wasn't happy with the comment she made and she has no right to call him that. Joking or not. It's unacceptable. That's when she said I was being ridiculous and to fuck off

Don't put up with this behaviour from her anymore. Why does she get the right to put your son down so frequently, even in front of you.

But you've let her back in after two weeks. You need to be very firm if she does it again.

Children absorb what adults say about them, they pick up on comments like this. And she's given herself permission to keep doing this by calling you ridiculous.

Your son sounds perfect.

However I think you seriously need to reduce contact with your sister. She will cause issues for your son as (if he hasn't already) he will pick up on what she's saying and possibly follow what she says if hears it enough.

My brother barely said a word until he was almost 4. He had no developmental problems and grew up to be a nuclear chemist. Try to to worry too much, your child sounds totally normal

OP your sister sounds vile and competitive and also remarkably confident in passing on her advice and insights authoritatively when she knows fuck all about speech in young children. Your son sounds great and I'd have no worries at all. One of my boys was non verbal and he could say almost nothing until he was 4 (he has multiple NDs but is a happy smart kid who also literally won't stop talking now 😄). If he'd have talked like your son I'd have been far more bloody relaxed at the time!! All kids develop differently and he and your sisters kid are just following their own timelines and will likely average out the same in a couple of years.

Don't feel bad about telling your sister that she doesn't know what she's talking about and to distance yourself from her. What I find particularly rank is how she shows off with her own kid in front of you. For what purpose? To make you feel crap? She sounds very unpleasant.

She called your ds disabled?! Bloody hell, she would have had the biggest mouthful from me about that, it’s outrageous!