To tell my sister to fuck off making comments about my son?

[123gege]

My son is almost 2.5, and I’m concerned about his speech. It seems that all other toddlers I know are talking in sentences and my little one just isn’t yet. My sister keeps making comments and I’m so sick of it.

He can say lots of words, his new favourite is spinosaurus which I’m super impressed with. He says at least 50 words, and will occasionally join words together, just not all the time. He said the other day after he got into bed - oh no, where’s my dummy gone? (he only has it for bed time). If I or my partner leave the room for example, he’ll say daddy/mummy come back. If I ask him body parts he can’t name them, he just laughs at me and runs away. He knows his animals though. Should I be concerned he can’t name body parts? Everywhere I’ve read states he should be talking in sentences now and if he’s not he’s really behind. Add on my sisters continuous comments and I’m stressed.

My sisters little one is much further advanced in speech - he’s 4 months younger. And she’s always saying oh shouldn’t he be talking more by now, he doesn’t say much does he, what are you going to do when he’s 3 and he’s still not talking. She knows when his birthday is but said the other day oh is he going to be 3 this year? Knowing full well he is and then followed it up with he’s still not talking much. Like she was trying to say wow he’s 3 this year and isn’t talking. Every time she comes to my house it's like look what my little one can say, say this, say that, oh you're clever, oh you're so smart, you are talking so well. His speech is so good isn't it? I just feel awful every time she's here. I’m just sick of constantly defending him to her attacks. She moans about him being too rough, he's just a busy boy who likes to play, her son is so sensitive and cries at everything - I feel like she's picking him apart every time he does something. Last time she made a comment saying 'you're disabled' because he was being silly, she said it jokingly but it upset me. I've spoken to her about the way it makes me feel and she told me I was being pathetic and to fuck off.

He attends nursery 1 day a week and they haven’t any concerns, I emailed my HV and she said if I have concerns they can come out and do an assessment to see if he needs speech therapy but she said the waiting list is very long. She said because he attends nursery they could also refer? I don’t know whether I should bring it up to the nursery, or ring the HV’s back and get an initial assessment first.

Is he that far behind on speech? What to do about my sister?

Your sons speech is within normal levels. My eldest spoke fluently and very clearly at 18m. Clearly I thought it was my excellent parenting but in reality it was he is a chatty wee thing. My youngest is 2 and probably says 15 words when made to. He is a pandemic baby and no professionals are concerned. The eldest speaks for him. Also he is able to do a forward roll and get himself dressed and unlock any door in a flash. They all get on at different ages. Check with HV if they are happy then tell sis her input is not helpful

Whether there is something wrong with his speech, I doubt it, and would take the lead from nursery. I would raise it with them because they’ll have so much more experience of what the average child is like. Hopefully they’ll be able to refer him if they agree or put your mind at rest if they think all is ok.

But - Children often understand a lot more than they can vocalise.
She’s called him “disabled” as an insult, to his face. You need to protect him from her bullying because he might not understand the exact meaning but he will understand the intent behind it.
It’s absolutely DESPICABLE to use that as an insult. I know it must be difficult as she’s your twin, but I don’t think I could spend time around her.

Wow your sister is being horrible. I have 3 kids. The eldest could speak in simple sentences at 14 months (his nursery said at 14 months he had the speech age of a 2.5 year old). It later transpired he was autistic and had echolalia and his advanced speech was an early indicator. He is 10 and although his speech is still very advanced for his age he has needed loads of extra support to learn to read and socialise.

My middle child was much later in starting to speak in full sentences but now aged 5 and in school is quite advanced for his age and does really well in school with no extra support.

My youngest is 2.5 years old and speaks in full sentences but this is quite recent. It’s to early to tell how he will do in nursery or school.

Kids are different and will develop different stages. Speech is an indicator but that’s all.

RB68 has some good tips there. One of mine was slow to talk and a speech therapist suggested that if she made noises for things or pointed, to make her say them before she got what she wanted. Pretend not to understand, slightly. Worked really well, and she picked up quickly.

YANBU, she is a complete bitch.

She called your son disabled and then told you to fuck off when you objected and you only stopped talking for 2 weeks?

I’d block the bitch.

Babies are always better at one thing then lacking in others. All kids even hers.
How many adults just lay around because they didn’t learn to walk or just can’t talk because they didn’t learn!
It’s not a race to the finish. People like your sister really annoy me. Just tell her to piss off.

@123gege
As long as you are talking with your son, reading stories with him, he will likely develop his language .
My friend’s son never spoke as much as his brother at that age , but kids just develop differently.
You could say to your sister when she yammers on:
“ My son may not talk much, but you talk enough nonsense to make up for it”

Speaking with your son is the important thing-
He clearly loves spinosauri more than ears, noses or other body parts🙂

Is there an activity that your DS is particularly good at or interested in? I'm thinking something like building towers from blocks, playing with shape sorters, doing jigsaws or even naming dinosaurs in a book. It would be good for your morale to have all the relevant games, books or toys out - accidentally on purpose - next time your sister visits with her DS!

My son is 4 and has a communication problem. Your child's communication sounds totally amazing to me! I would be having a celebration if my son said a sentence like yours. He is coming on fine. Enjoy him because before you know it these years will have passed and you will have let them pass you by with worry (I also have a 12 year old). Marvel at every new word and skill - what a clever little chap!

He sounds absolutely fine. I’d check with nursery bet they reassure you. I’d back off seeing her and next time she says anything say nursery and hv say speech bang on target please stop going on. Don’t compare all children are different she sounds like she has real issues. Resist urge to do same to her when yours is toilet trained/gets 5m swim badge/is on yellow books before hers!

@Branleuse

tell her that the comments need to stop. Whether she thinks youre being sensitive or not, thats beside the point. Stop comparing the boys. They all get there in the end. Shes got a lovely boy, youve got a lovely boy, they get on great, what more does she even want, if not to just upset you? Tell her that if it continues then you and her are gonna fall out

this. tell her to stop comparing, it isn't a competition and you are not going to have a lifetime of comparisons. Let each boy be themselves, they will each have strengths and weaknesses.

Has she apologised yet for using that comment in a disrespectful way and for swearing at you for wanting an apology?

If not I'd keep bringing it up every time you see her, over and over until she does. She's your sister and it sounds like you won't get over it until she does. She knows that.

My ds is around the same age (2 years 3 months) and I've been concerned about his speach, his nursery keyworker said she wasn't worried but he was on the later side (at that point he had 10ish words).

After a lot of backhanded comments from others, 'I can't understand him, should he be speaking more? His sister was a lot clearer by this age wasn't she?', I spoke to our hv and she said she'd assess at his 2 year check, which is at 2 years 5 months, and she often sees dc just after 2 barely speaking and then by 2 1/2 or so they have a little explosion and suddenly learn loads of words and start talking a lot more. It can happen practically overnight.

Children follow their own plan, as much as I hate twee quotes the one about popcorn kernels all popping at different times so don't compare children is quite fitting.

Your sister is being a dick, it's absolutely unacceptable to keep making these awful comments and insulting your ds. And telling you to fuck off shows just what a dick she is, twin or no id be distancing for a while and having an honest talk with her about her behaviour- not about your ds or her criticisms of him but about her unreasonable behaviour. How would she feel if you constantly made comments about her dcs whining and crying?

@altiara Same for my youngest. He fooled doctors, nursery staff and even a spectacularly ungifted speech therapist who decided he was developmentally delayed. I refused to believe it and took him for a private hearing assessment and he co-operated beautifully but I could see they were really cranking the sound up before he would put the marble in the basket. The ENT specialist told us rather wearily that the very first thing to suspect in delayed speech (and I'm not even sure that the OP's child's speech is delayed) is a hearing problem. If a child has glue ear, for example, the quality of their hearing may wax and wane. The child may hear enough to follow commands etc but not enough to form their own language well. My youngest son had quite a lot of speech therapy afterwards. He was treated a lot later than his older sibling because he had no symptoms and his glue ear presented quite differently to his elder brother who got awful infections and grommets very young.

I was furious with the GP for not spotting it as I had had my son's ears checked regularly by the GP who failed to spot the glue ear. The ENT specialist explained that GPs are fine at spotting a bright red ear drum with an infection (and who wouldn't be) but were much less capable of spotting the slight pinkness and convexity of glue ear. It seems the youngest taught himself to lipread at quite a young age and was very good at picking up visual cues. Strangely he has ended up with what the ENT specialist describes as particularly keen hearing.

Your sister is a cow and I would be spending less time with her in your shoes. Similar age gap between nephew and DS as you have between the cousins; when nephew wasn't speaking much (didn't utter a word before 2), I was always reassuring my sister that he is completely normal and clearly understood everything and made his needs known.

Doesn't sound like there is anything to be concerned about from your post, children all develop at different stages and when both are speaking fluently at 5 years old, I hope your sister feels like an absolute fool for making out her son is far superior to yours

I had a child with a speech delay (not all caught up) at 2.5 years he had about 10 words which were mostly unclear and only understood by me. Otherwise he would point, grab what he wanted or just scream/shout in frustration. That was all down to a hearing issue.

Your child does not Sound behind at all but If you are concerned I would start with a hearing test

He doesn’t sound behind. My sons were both slow to start talking (slower than your DS) and youngest will be applying to Cambridge next year.

No one (normal) cares about baby and toddler milestones except those with babies and toddlers!

Aw OP, don't worry - your DS sounds just fine. My GS mainly babbled till he turned 3 - he didn't even say mum till about that age. He's 4.5 now and literally doesn't shut up 😩

It's difficult when you know someone with kids a similar age (even harder I guess when you're related to them!) you can't help comparing, and it sounds like your DSis is enjoying the favourable comparisons, but try not to stress, he sounds fine (in fact, if you compared him to my GS at that age you would think he was advanced!)

They're all different, they get there in the end - just be really blatantly passive with your sister every time she pipes up, just something like 'that's nice dear!' Hopefully she'll realise what a plum she's being.

Sounds like she's the competitive sort and both of you having similar aged kids has given her free reign. It will only get worse.

Kids vary, he sounds perfectly normal. Sometimes kids are advanced in one area but behind in another, I have 4 and honestly the variation in who could do what when was pretty extreme e.g. the one who walked at 9 months and the one who was nearly 18 months, the one who could read at 2 (i.e. recognise words) and could read chapter books at 4 and the one who was basically illiterate at 8. They all look pretty much the same as adults, they all managed to walk, read, talk just at different times.

Honestly growing up is a marathon not a spring, maybe remind her of the tortoise and the hare.

@esloquehay

Your sister 'jokingly' called your son disabled and you let it slide?! 🤦🤦🤦 You are your son's advocate, his voice at an age when he doesn't have one: stop allowing your domineering sister to slag off your child. If she won't respect your boundaries, then put a healthy distance between you for a while.

this.

I have a child with expressive DLD.

At your DS age he had about 8-10 understandable (no, yeah, ma, dada etc...) and was using mime (self-made sign language) mostly to communicate.

He still can't talk a year and a half later, he babbles 'sentences' but they aren't made up of identifiable words so it's just things like 'eeeaaah ohhheee da kee ooo ooo, yeah?'.

50 words at 2.5 is perfectly normal and from a parent whose kid has DLD I would say not a worry.

As another example, my other DS didn't say anything until 2 (completely mute - not even coos or babbles and they were investigating if he was deaf) then out of the blue started talking in full sentences one day, he's now a teen and has no issues with speech at all.

All kids are different but 50 words is good.

My older sister would make derogatory remarks about my little girl. She didn't grow properly and my sister would tease me that I didn't feed her exciting food and the child would be a midget etc. We fell out as she also said I was being too sensitive when I asked her to stop with the criticising. We are low contact now and have been for a long time. She was a bully when we were little as well.
Child did eventually catch up and is now a normal size adult!

You child is not behind in his speech, every child is different and develops different, there really is no comparison.

Look at all the things he can do, i bet if you really see it there are plenty of things he has more control on and is more developed than his peers.

I felt my child was also behind in comparisons to her friends, who are all within a month of each other. However my child had excellent pincer movements, very good hand eye co-ordination. Could climb , run, skip, throw things with accuracy. Now a year on her speech is improving rapidly, sometimes I sit and wonder why I was even concerned. Some of her pronunciation is still pretty hard and some people don't understand what she's saying (weird as i know exactly what she's saying, and here i thought i was rubbish at languages!)...i tend to repeat the sentence or phrase she's said back to her, but other than we don't do much other work on it. It's not a big deal and I'm not making it one type thing.

As long as he can communicate and his needs are being met it sounds like you're doing a fantastic job!

@ancientgran

Kids vary, he sounds perfectly normal. Sometimes kids are advanced in one area but behind in another, I have 4 and honestly the variation in who could do what when was pretty extreme e.g. the one who walked at 9 months and the one who was nearly 18 months, the one who could read at 2 (i.e. recognise words) and could read chapter books at 4 and the one who was basically illiterate at 8. They all look pretty much the same as adults, they all managed to walk, read, talk just at different times.

Honestly growing up is a marathon not a spring, maybe remind her of the tortoise and the hare.

This can be true to, I read a child tends to preference one skill so some kids are mobile and talk slower and some talk first and gain mobility slower.

The theory is they are communicating a need so prioritising one that suits, walking kids can do things themselves so don't need to ask and talking kids can ask so they don't need to do it themselves so each can take more time learning the secondary skill.