To tell my sister to fuck off making comments about my son?

[123gege]

My son is almost 2.5, and I’m concerned about his speech. It seems that all other toddlers I know are talking in sentences and my little one just isn’t yet. My sister keeps making comments and I’m so sick of it.

He can say lots of words, his new favourite is spinosaurus which I’m super impressed with. He says at least 50 words, and will occasionally join words together, just not all the time. He said the other day after he got into bed - oh no, where’s my dummy gone? (he only has it for bed time). If I or my partner leave the room for example, he’ll say daddy/mummy come back. If I ask him body parts he can’t name them, he just laughs at me and runs away. He knows his animals though. Should I be concerned he can’t name body parts? Everywhere I’ve read states he should be talking in sentences now and if he’s not he’s really behind. Add on my sisters continuous comments and I’m stressed.

My sisters little one is much further advanced in speech - he’s 4 months younger. And she’s always saying oh shouldn’t he be talking more by now, he doesn’t say much does he, what are you going to do when he’s 3 and he’s still not talking. She knows when his birthday is but said the other day oh is he going to be 3 this year? Knowing full well he is and then followed it up with he’s still not talking much. Like she was trying to say wow he’s 3 this year and isn’t talking. Every time she comes to my house it's like look what my little one can say, say this, say that, oh you're clever, oh you're so smart, you are talking so well. His speech is so good isn't it? I just feel awful every time she's here. I’m just sick of constantly defending him to her attacks. She moans about him being too rough, he's just a busy boy who likes to play, her son is so sensitive and cries at everything - I feel like she's picking him apart every time he does something. Last time she made a comment saying 'you're disabled' because he was being silly, she said it jokingly but it upset me. I've spoken to her about the way it makes me feel and she told me I was being pathetic and to fuck off.

He attends nursery 1 day a week and they haven’t any concerns, I emailed my HV and she said if I have concerns they can come out and do an assessment to see if he needs speech therapy but she said the waiting list is very long. She said because he attends nursery they could also refer? I don’t know whether I should bring it up to the nursery, or ring the HV’s back and get an initial assessment first.

Is he that far behind on speech? What to do about my sister?

He sounds perfectly normal!!! I would say to her very clearly. Nursery and HV have no concerns. They are professionals. At this moment in time we are not concerned. Thank you but please do not mention this again. And then if she does just minimise contact until she accepts and apologises.

Ignore your sister. I could barely speak compared to my friends but when I did, I was bilingual.

Your son is probably using is brain and developments in a different way.

Your sister is being pathetic.

Mine is a similar age and probably talks less than yours. A relative is a health visitor; she said there’s essentially five areas of development (fine motor, gross motor, social, communication and problem solving). It’s rare for them to move forwards in all five at the same time so you’ll see lots of variance among a peer group and it’s all broadly ‘normal’.

Mine is a bit behind in the communication and social categories but still well within the bounds of ‘normal’. But he’s average to good in fine and gross motor skills and ahead in problem solving. One of the little girls at his nursery is really ahead in communication but she can’t ride a balance bike or a scooter and my little boy can. She is also ‘normal’.

It’s entirely likely they’ll both even out before they go to school. And when they leave school this won’t matter at all.

I’ll still keep working on his speech, and I imagine her parents will be encouraging those motor skills. But it’s not something to panic about. So don’t let the comments worry you.

Children develop at different rates. If you are concerned, ask your HV and/or GP to refer for an assessment.
As for your sister, tell her to Foxtrot Oscar. YANBU.

Next time she says negative things about your kid call her out on it. Say you never make comments on her kids so don't comment on mine. Tell her your supposed to be my kids aunt and be supportive. What is wrong with you? Are you jealous of my kid?

She’s being massively competitive. Is this a feature of your relationship in general? It won’t stop with speech. Next it will be counting, fine motor control, reading, French and all the way to higher education.

You need to confront this head on if you are to have a nice time together. Tell her you’re not interested in any competition or comparison at any level and grey rock any attempts thereafter. ‘Don’t worry about Fred, HV is happy.’ Is enough. Any small comments you’ll need to remind her, ‘no competition or comparison please.’

If she carries on just be busy for a week or two. And spend time with people who don’t do this. For what it’s worth I bet she does it with other friends too and nobody likes it.

I was worried for a while about DS and HV said minor chance there is an issue and he was referred for speech therapy consultation in reception but it suddenly just came on leaps and bounds and by the time the consultation happened they were surprised he had even been referred. He is now 6 and will. Not. Stop. Talking. 🥴
Your sister needs to back off if she has no professional training, they develop at different speeds and its not a competition

My son by the way only says a few words too and he is two in less than 2 months. I wouldn't worry about not knowing body parts. He seems more interested in learning about animals

OP

My son didn't really speak unfil 3. Now grown up and one of the most intelligent people I know. Very vocal too. Daughter rabbited on and later had SM.

Yes there are nasty cows out there. That’s no secret. Your sister is one of them. You must have known this for sometime.

What I find baffling is that you still engage with her and, more disturbingly, you expose your son to her.

As for being “best friends” with her toddler son. Come on OP… seriously

He sounds completely normal. My younger two were later talkers. You don’t have any worries. My friends 3.5yr old still doesn’t say any legible words. That’s what I’d class as worrying

Oh and my late talker applied to Oxbridge this year!

Why do adults make a competition of children's development ffs.

Your child is fine. And happy. Just eye roll your sister. Just say to her leave him alone . She's basically picking on a 2.5 year old .

Your sister is being a bit of a dick. Don’t let her make you feel like anything she has done has encouraged her child to be ahead speechwise. My Ds1 was a little speech delayed. The AMOUNT of people that told me I needed to talk to him more / read to him / narrate everything I was doing was unbelievable. I was doing all that and it felt like a bit of an attack on me like I hadn’t done enough with him and that’s why his speech was behind. It was only when I had ds2 who came out with full sentences at 14 months that I realised how little it had to do with me and that some kids are just naturally quicker or slower with speech. Your ds sounds fine.

Any person constantly criticising my son
Any person calling my son “disabled” as a nasty insult
Any person calling me “fucking pathetic”

Is NOT a person that would ever darken my front door again

[quote 123gege]@esloquehay we had a major falling out over it. Didn't speak for 2 weeks. I said I wasn't happy with the comment she made and she has no right to call him that. Joking or not. It's unacceptable. That's when she said I was being ridiculous and to fuck off. [/quote]
The point is not that your sister called your son disabled, it's that she thinks it's appropriate to use that as an insult to anyone.
I would not want anyone that thought it was ok to use disability as an insult in my child's life at all, never mind invite them into my home.

@123gege just wondering if you and your twin have always been competitive? Is this an extension of a lifetime of comparisons and rivalry??

I've spoken to her about the way it makes me feel and she told me I was being pathetic and to fuck off.

I'd be distancing myself from her in a big way. She sounds like a real shit. Deliberately making you feel bad about yourself and your lovely boy. I'd block her.

I didn't speak in sentences until I was 3 years old. All babies and toddlers develop at different rates, so I wouldn't be too worried about yours. You know that he can speak, like when he asked for you or daddy to come back at bedtime. I would just ignore your sister or tell her to shut up until you are concerned about his speech.

She sounds like a daft, competitive woman. Yes, tell her to mind her own business. Children do things at different stages, it’s completely normal. My son didn’t say more than the odd word until about 3.5 but now he is a very good writer and reader (and speaker). It bears no relationship necessarily to intellect, ability or whatever. If you are worried then consult HV etc but, honestly, likely he’ll just be a later talker. My DD didn’t walk until 18 months and I was tearing my hair out but it turned out she just liked me carrying her around - when Instopoed she walked. Point is children are all different and being early at this or that really makes no difference in the long run (though annoying competitive parents would like it to be otherwise).

Both of mine didn’t speak much until 3. But they both had hearing problems so I would get a hearing test done.

All kids are different and shouldn't be measured one on one - its just wrong. However, it is easy and simple to have the assessment. I took mine at 2.5 (although a preemie) and what came out of it was she was super smart but still figuring the world out and she and I were very close so I always "knew what she meant" so she didn't bother much.

I switched my language with her a bit, made her "use her words", did some singing with her (you know heads shoulders etc) and made her laugh with Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers etc and within 2 months I was getting whole considered sentences and more questions about complex matters than I knew how to answer!!!

So I would go for the assessment but also look at how her adults are interacting with her, I found it interesting when switching up stories - ie making bits up in them or changing them - and she would respond and started to challenge me so full comprehension she just didn't need to speak so she didn't

You need to stop this now, because if that's the way she is it's going to go on for a long time. After the speech isn't an issue, it will be reading, maths, swimming, tying shoelaces, awards for being the nicest/cleverest child in the school...

Your sister sounds like a trouble maker. Thief of joy... Tell her to stop or you will stop seeing her. You need to have a firm conversation. Please do not worry, ur little boy is doing just fine.

PS She was happy to tell you to fuck off, so feel free to do the same to her.