To tell my sister to fuck off making comments about my son?

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My son is almost 2.5, and I’m concerned about his speech. It seems that all other toddlers I know are talking in sentences and my little one just isn’t yet. My sister keeps making comments and I’m so sick of it.

He can say lots of words, his new favourite is spinosaurus which I’m super impressed with. He says at least 50 words, and will occasionally join words together, just not all the time. He said the other day after he got into bed - oh no, where’s my dummy gone? (he only has it for bed time). If I or my partner leave the room for example, he’ll say daddy/mummy come back. If I ask him body parts he can’t name them, he just laughs at me and runs away. He knows his animals though. Should I be concerned he can’t name body parts? Everywhere I’ve read states he should be talking in sentences now and if he’s not he’s really behind. Add on my sisters continuous comments and I’m stressed.

My sisters little one is much further advanced in speech - he’s 4 months younger. And she’s always saying oh shouldn’t he be talking more by now, he doesn’t say much does he, what are you going to do when he’s 3 and he’s still not talking. She knows when his birthday is but said the other day oh is he going to be 3 this year? Knowing full well he is and then followed it up with he’s still not talking much. Like she was trying to say wow he’s 3 this year and isn’t talking. Every time she comes to my house it's like look what my little one can say, say this, say that, oh you're clever, oh you're so smart, you are talking so well. His speech is so good isn't it? I just feel awful every time she's here. I’m just sick of constantly defending him to her attacks. She moans about him being too rough, he's just a busy boy who likes to play, her son is so sensitive and cries at everything - I feel like she's picking him apart every time he does something. Last time she made a comment saying 'you're disabled' because he was being silly, she said it jokingly but it upset me. I've spoken to her about the way it makes me feel and she told me I was being pathetic and to fuck off.

He attends nursery 1 day a week and they haven’t any concerns, I emailed my HV and she said if I have concerns they can come out and do an assessment to see if he needs speech therapy but she said the waiting list is very long. She said because he attends nursery they could also refer? I don’t know whether I should bring it up to the nursery, or ring the HV’s back and get an initial assessment first.

Is he that far behind on speech? What to do about my sister?

my son and my best friends son are 3 months apart. Her son was always advanced with gross motor skills. My son was very articulate. Both caught up but my son is more academic whilst my best friends son can put his mind to any sport and do it well. It's hard to compare the two but they are like brothers and get on so well.

My son is 2yrs 4 months and still doesn't talk, barely a word. I've been told by my HV not to worry. All other aspects of his communication and milestones are spot on, so I'm reassured that he will figure it out eventually.
Your boy sounds like he's doing great, and your sister should keep her opinions to herself

Her son might just be advanced with speech, it'll all just balance out. DS talks very well and has from a young age so I avoid comparisons when other people ask how old he was when started talking etc, thing is he can do that but refuses to get on his bike! They're all different. If you have concerns talk to nursery again, but if it's a good nursery they would've raised it if they were worried

They all progress differently. FWIW, my youngest granddaughter didn't really start putting sentences together until she was 3.5, but she had clearly been absorbing everything and her language progressed from there in leaps and bounds. She's now a bright, very articulate 7 year old, even more articulate than her early-speaking older sister was a that age. .

Sometimes, people put other's children down to make them feel better about their own. Tell her to lay off, and tell her she doesn't know what she's talking about - because she clearly doesn't.

I think your sister is being very insensitive. She’s putting doubts in your mind then making comparisons between the children. That isn’t a kind thing to be doing. Every child develops differently and she’s creating competition between you and the children. She needs to back off.

Your DS is very young and all children develop differently. The biggest explosion in speech development happens between 2.5 and 3. You’ll be shocked at the changes you see in him over the next 6 months. It would probably be premature for you to have an assessment now but I would push for the referral through the HV. My son was referred last July and still hasn’t had an assessment.

If you’re really concerned and you don’t want to wait, a private speech assessment costs around £200. My DS is 3 in May and he has a speech disorder. He’s almost impossible to understand. We decided to go down the private route because it was very obvious to us that something wasn’t right. I hear from a lot of people that their DS didn’t say a lot of words then suddenly explode after the age of 3. With mine it’s different, he tries to talk but his pronunciation has a lot of errors.

From my experience, nursery and HV have too many children to look after and once they reassured it’s not autism they lose interest. What happens with my son is, he’s got no behavioural issues, he’s very social, so the speech thing is overlooked. I also appreciate that boys typically develop slower in this area so it’s not unusual for there to seem like there’s an issue when there isn’t.

I would go with your gut. If you think something is wrong, really push for support (please DM me if you need any help with that). However, If this is your sister creating doubts and you believe your DS is doing ok. Definitely wait and see how he’s doing in 6 months.

My DS was similar to your son by the sounds of it. He got a referal from nursery for his speech but by the time it came through they said he didn't need it!

He's 5 now, has a slight lisp ( which I find so endearing ) his R's and L's and W's sound exactly the same, but school have no issue with his speech

My son couldnt talk properly for a long time compared to his sister and hid peers and it made me constantly worry about him but he's 5 now and a happy little boy who has no issue communicating with people

My HV and the nursery said its more common with boys as their more interested in playing and running around than they are learning to communicate,

Honestly, don't worry. If there's an issue nursery will pick up on it quickly and offer the support needed

Just echoing what everyone else has said...
Your son doesn't have a problem... but your sister does.. hideous competitive parenting!!
Honestly if he's got single words, the sentences will build in time!
I have four.. and there was a huge variation in their skills.. one could talk in sentences at 17m, but his brother had no speech (at ALL) til over 3, was incomprehensible til he was bout 9 and years of speech therapy. And you would NOT know now.
The girls..one was average, one was slow to talk , but when she finally got going at at about 2.5 she rapidly progressed to full sentences.. they just varied , just as they varied in their physical skills!

I work with children who have severe speech delays, and while a few do continue to have severe problems they generally have other significant disabilities.. the vast majority make progress nicely over time!

Your sister however needs to wind her neck in!

I don't have a sister, but I can't even begin to imagine how awful it must be on the receiving end of competitive mothering from one.
I think you should get your DC assessed by professionals to ensure he is within the normal range of development milestones and tell your sister to butt out. She is being absolutely horrible. If you can distance yourself all the better, but I guess that's especially difficult if you're twins.

@tinyt137

Yes, she definitely needs to mind her own business. Your son is completely normal, don't worry! Literally within days/weeks his speech will suddenly blossom. She sounds like the kind of mum everyone finds annoying, you'd probably avoid her at the school gate... unfortunately she's your sister.

I'm a retired SLT. I worked with adults but obviously did do some children's work when I was training and had my first generalist post.

I agree with what others have said - your son sounds fine. He will suddenly start speaking A LOT! (It is literally known as the "word explosion"). Boys are very often slower to speak, on average , than are girls, but there is always the occasional one, like your sister's who speaks fluently and early. No problem - he's more unusual than yours.

It won't hurt to get a referral, especially if the waiting list is very long, as it will reassure you that things are in hand, and you can always cancel it if you feel you don't need it.

It is more important to check that he is acquiring his speech sounds in the right order, and it sounds from the bit you've shared with us that he is. However, if he gets a speech assessment the therapist will check that. Also he will start to generalise grammar rules which will sound wrong (eg saying "eated", rather than "eaten" ) - don't worry about anything like this, as it is in fact a very good sign that he has noticed a rule and is trying to use it - he'll learn exceptions over time)

My advice is - let him proceed at his own rate, and if your sister comments about him being "disabled" again, break her legs. That is just nasty!

My brother was a late talker.
Then he got to 6, and didn't shut up for the next 7 years

Einstein didn't talk in full sentences until he was 5

Your ds sounds fine OP - if he laughs and runs away when you ask him to name a body part he doesn't want to name it, it's not that he can't!

One advantage of working FT when he was small was that I didn't have to put up with competitive mothers.

I noticed a massive difference in my son's speech when he stopped going to nursery and went to a childminder because there were older children there and he learnt from them.

It's really tough when you have siblings who have kids of a similar age. We've currently got three babies in the family, two from twin sisters and one from another sister, all within 3 months of each other. People do tend to compare their development (and in our case you get comments that relate it to parenting style). That said, there's no need for your sister's comments. She might think that in private, but you've made it clear that it's not helpful or welcome so she shouldn't be bringing it up again. If you think it wasn't clear enough before, then send her a really unambiguous message that you don't want to hear any critical comments about your son's development. Then decide what course of action you will take if she tries it again, because it's easier to make a plan in advance than to be caught in the headlights if she makes a snide comment and you're unprepared.

By the way, your son sounds completely within the normal range, and if you are worried about his development then your healthcare team will be able to advise you.

Your sis defo needs to back off, if she's concerned then maybe a chat with you about it but to keep going on and making you feel that way is not fair. All children do these things at different rates. My DS couldn't saying anything other than dada until he turned two, I was worried he even called me dada. I cried when he first called me mama, he doesn't stop talking now days! He was behind slightly but learn so so quickly. He walked at 10 months old!! My DD didn't walk until 14 months and spoke so quickly 🙃 don't stress, make an appointment if you need too and tell your sister she may mean we'll but to stop!

My youngest had speech therapy and went to a special nursery as he was behind with speech... He caught up, never shut up as a child (or now) and now has a PhD in philosophy... Your little one may, or may not, be behind but whichever it is, no need to stress at this point.

Comparison is the thief of joy. I have 2 children. The first barely spoke til they were 3. The second was yapping away super early and had incredible speech. They're both no more or less advanced now they're a bit older and you wouldn't know the difference.

Human beings aren't robots. We all get there in our own time. If the understanding is there there I'd be less worried about speech at this age.

Sorry your sister is being a dick OP

In my wider family, the toddlers who were all a little slower to string sentences together have all gone on to have stellar A-levels and glittering careers.

Those who were holding a conversation at a very early stage had really unimpressive A-levels though they did go on to thoroughly enjoy the party scene at their universities but not without incident.

It's a small sample. But if it is anything to go by, you will get your own back on your sister during those later years.

Never compare children.

It really it that simple.

Surely as a twin she knows how dangerous and frustrating it is to be compared!

He sounds absolutely fine. Just ask her to stop comparing them

I'd simply point out that relative precociousness in certain areas rarely has any impact on later academic or life success. People mature at different rates, and it has nothing to do with final outcomes. That's why parents who gloat about their small children's 'genius' look absurd to those whose kids have grown up.

Not that it would in any way excuse her frankly disgusting behaviour, but is here any chance you do the same thing to her son?

The reason I ask is She moans about him being too rough, he's just a busy boy who likes to play, her son is so sensitive and cries at everything Sounds like the sexist "boys will be boys" and "boys dont cry" bollocks. Some children are too rough. Some children are sensitive.

@BruceAndNosh

My brother was a late talker. Then he got to 6, and didn't shut up for the next 7 years

Einstein didn't talk in full sentences until he was 5

It is now generally believed Einstein was autistic so that isn't all that reassuring. My son was very late speaking and is also autistic. It's an early sign that professionals.should look out for but is often missed. I would recommend getting on the waiting list for speech and language therapy or paying private as early intervention is very important.

Your son sounds fine but it's worth checking with his nursery as they will be best placed to spot any problems. Anyone who uses 'disabled' as an insult is someone to be avoided. My son has a disability , he is also kind, funny and smart. Your sister on the other hand ...

Totally baffling to me, utterly alien to me in fact, to have an exchange like this with a family member, to witness said family member essentially verbally abusing my toddler son

And still have a relationship with them

A lot of 2.5 year old boys don't say a lot.i knew loads who didnt say a lot.

That said, it doesn't do any harm to chat to HV or getting on a waiting list for SALT because actually if he does need a little help later on (which is v common!) it will speed stuff up if you are on a list now.

Have a Google too as there are lots of SALT type websites with good tips on encouraging speech at home that are beneficial to any child.

your child is normal! just tell her to butt out .

My nephew could not speak at al when he was 4 and is now at 7 a very bright boy level with all his peers .

Children are all different . its no a competition.