To tell my sister to fuck off making comments about my son?

[123gege]

My son is almost 2.5, and I’m concerned about his speech. It seems that all other toddlers I know are talking in sentences and my little one just isn’t yet. My sister keeps making comments and I’m so sick of it.

He can say lots of words, his new favourite is spinosaurus which I’m super impressed with. He says at least 50 words, and will occasionally join words together, just not all the time. He said the other day after he got into bed - oh no, where’s my dummy gone? (he only has it for bed time). If I or my partner leave the room for example, he’ll say daddy/mummy come back. If I ask him body parts he can’t name them, he just laughs at me and runs away. He knows his animals though. Should I be concerned he can’t name body parts? Everywhere I’ve read states he should be talking in sentences now and if he’s not he’s really behind. Add on my sisters continuous comments and I’m stressed.

My sisters little one is much further advanced in speech - he’s 4 months younger. And she’s always saying oh shouldn’t he be talking more by now, he doesn’t say much does he, what are you going to do when he’s 3 and he’s still not talking. She knows when his birthday is but said the other day oh is he going to be 3 this year? Knowing full well he is and then followed it up with he’s still not talking much. Like she was trying to say wow he’s 3 this year and isn’t talking. Every time she comes to my house it's like look what my little one can say, say this, say that, oh you're clever, oh you're so smart, you are talking so well. His speech is so good isn't it? I just feel awful every time she's here. I’m just sick of constantly defending him to her attacks. She moans about him being too rough, he's just a busy boy who likes to play, her son is so sensitive and cries at everything - I feel like she's picking him apart every time he does something. Last time she made a comment saying 'you're disabled' because he was being silly, she said it jokingly but it upset me. I've spoken to her about the way it makes me feel and she told me I was being pathetic and to fuck off.

He attends nursery 1 day a week and they haven’t any concerns, I emailed my HV and she said if I have concerns they can come out and do an assessment to see if he needs speech therapy but she said the waiting list is very long. She said because he attends nursery they could also refer? I don’t know whether I should bring it up to the nursery, or ring the HV’s back and get an initial assessment first.

Is he that far behind on speech? What to do about my sister?

@AnnesBrokenSlate

Your son is so rough he makes her child cry. She constantly criticises your child. You think her's is too sensitive. I'd cut back on seeing her for a while. You're both falling into comparisons and competitiveness, and being mean about toddlers. Pursue the referral if you're concerned about your DS. Work on him being less 'rough'. He'll meet 'sensitive' children in nursery and school. It's not acceptable to make other DCs cry.

Where does OP say that her son makes her sister's son cry ?

I work with children and have some of my own. Your son’s speech sounds completely typical. They vary so much. Obviously there might be a problem that transpires but it doesn’t sound like you have any reason to worry, except about having a spiteful sister.

Please don't worry. My DS1 was older than 3 by a couple of months before he said anything much at all, but he did move quickly to full sentences then. He went on to get one of the top 3 marks in English A level in the country, honestly there is a huge variation with this.

Your sister sounds like a deeply unpleasant person saying 'you're disabled' as some sort of joke. If she's the type to do that and tell you to fuck off then she's not someone you should take any notice of.

Your son's speech sounds in the range of normal to me but no harm in getting your mind put at rest by speaking to the hv.

Your sister may also get her comeuppance at some point, parenting is a long long old game and who knows what lies ahead for your sons in terms of how they develop as people as well as academically.

I would start hanging out with her less often and find other mums to have playdates with. Your son is probably picking up on all the criticism and insults and it might even be putting him off talking more when she's around.

Your son sounds like mine and he was recently seen by his paediatrician for his allergies and they were delighted with his speech. He's 2 years 3 months.

The last month or so he's really taken off and started talking in sentences much more but not all the time.

He can't jump yet, but some of his friends are literally leaping around. Kids do things at their own pace.

Chill he sounds wonderful. If you really feel you need reassurance then call the HV and ask them to expedite his 2 year check which is due around now anyway.

Your sister is a dick. Stop putting up with shit. Tell her it's hurtful, not accurate and you want her to stop commenting.

@esloquehay we had a major falling out over it. Didn't speak for 2 weeks. I said I wasn't happy with the comment she made and she has no right to call him that. Joking or not. It's unacceptable. That's when she said I was being ridiculous and to fuck off.

Spend less time with your sister. A lot less.

Your sister's being a cow, he's not behind at all. I had one talking in sentences at 2.5 and the other didn't until at least 3, they're twins as well 🤷 tell her to stop it!

It such a weird time when your kid isn’t doing what the books say. My ds didn’t walk at all, not one dammed step until the day he turned 18 months. Would walk for literally hours if you held his hand though. It was bananas and I was slighted demented. A lovely friend of my aunts said she figured he’d have it sorted by the time he went to university. When she saw the crazy in my eyes she said that’s what her mother said. You stress abs you stress and obsess and but by the time there grown 3 months either way makes no difference (same with breastfeeding).
Really hard but I would be laughing it off with your sister, implying she needs to get over it (which she does). So he only says 2 words together won’t be long before you listening to hour long monologues about minecraft mods.

Ask the HV to refer you to the SALT team. It will put your mind at ease, and you can say, “that’s why we’re going to be seen by a speech therapist” every time she says anything about it. Does she know that you are worried?

Her little one is sensitive,communicates through language and cries easily. That’s his personality. Yours is more boisterous and communicates physical. That’s his personality. Don’t be unkind about that.

Your sister is vile. Her reaction to you challenging her tells you everything you need to know.
She's not raising it out of concern, she's being a bitch.

God with friends like that (or sisters) who needs enemies?
I would say “he will be speaking in sentences soon but you’ll still be a bitch”

I would query with nursery if you are concerned - just to put your mind at rest. My eldest didn't speak at all till she was about 2y3m and she's notlw a preteen chatterbox so I wouldn't be particularly concerned. But use the expertise you pay for. Nursery who have him all day are much more likely to be able to pick up on an issues than 10mins with a health visitor.

And tell your sister to do one. If she thinks it's appropriate to keep picking on him over stuff you are going to have a nightmare as he gets older. And it will do his self esteem no good what so ever.

Hopefully you live far enough apart that they won't be going to the same school. There is no way I'd what them in the same class at school... can you imagine! Fortunately with my SIL who tried the same trick her dd is the year below, far enough away to be in a different school and have different interests so not to much if an issue now.

@Twiglets1

God with friends like that (or sisters) who needs enemies? I would say “he will be speaking in sentences soon but you’ll still be a bitch”

You’d really say this to your sister rather than discussing it with her in a mature way?

@axolotlfloof

The range of normal is very wide, and nursery will have a good sense of that. I think he is well within the normal range for speech at his age. Can you tell your sister that it isn't helpful to compare them, and you wouldn't make negative comments about her child?

I agree. The range for 'normal' is very wide and you shouldn't take the milestone steps you read online or hear from other people as gospel. Your son sounds well within what is normal for his age but if you, yourself, are worried, speak to a professional. To me, it sounds like your sister is way out of line.

Your sister is awful
Your son , however sounds adorable and is completely normal

Has she always been competitive with you? To the point that she will hurt you if necessary? If so, sounds like she's found a way to extend that down to the next generation. In which case, nip it in the bud and distance yourself, that's the only thing to do with generational cycles of abuse (if this is what this is). She'll just be finding something else to latch on to next as a way to put your son down and put you down by extension. Find your son nice new friends, and find yourself some other supportive mums to hang out with.

There is such a huge variation in how much two year olds can talk and neither your son nor your sister's child sound at all unusual. Your sister though is being really nasty. I'd say that if nursery haven't raised concerns and they will have seen many toddlers then you shouldn't be too worried either. Chances are by three there will be little difference between him and his cousin in terms of speech anyway.

Tell her to butt out.
However, maybe he IS being too rough. 'he's just a busy boy who likes to play' sounds like 'boys will be boys' aka an excuse for him to be rough because of his sex.

HI OP,
some children are late speakers, my DD started talking when she reached age of 3.
Now she's 7 and she is very talkative.
Only what you can do is encouragement, do a lot of reading and rhyming it will come. If you are really concerned about the speech talk to the health visitor or GP and ask for referral to speech therapists - but the waiting time is really long.

If I was you I wouldn’t see her again. Nasty woman.

This website is what the NHS recommends for speech milestones - ican.org.uk/i-cans-talking-point/parents/ages-and-stages/

It doesn’t sound like he’s is far off really.

I'd ask her outright why she's so hard on him. And if she says she isn't, you.look her dead in the eye and say 'yes, you are - and it stops today'.

Kids do things at different stages. My cousins son is 6 weeks older then mine and she makes digs all the time. It’s funny tho but my son dose some things before her son and hers before mine I would never make a shady comment and make her feel bad xx