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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh pissing bed drunk

472 replies

Exutant · 25/02/2022 07:11

He is 52 and went into work yesterday in London (normally wfh). Spare bedroom. I went in to see him at 6am - bed soaking with and freezing.
It's not the first time - it happens about every 6 months.
I'm so pissed off. Carrying the sheets down and the lovely matress topper that all thr guests say has made the bed so comfortable. Probably ruined.
Washing machine is thru the kitchen so the kids saw - ashamed to.say I told them "daddy has pissed the bed".
Aibu to think it's not normal?
He's trying to ignore me asking about it and even tried to get into our bed but I made him have a shower.
Now he's being all jolly with the kids and I feel seething.

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 25/02/2022 07:47

This would honestly be a dealbreaker for me. The instant he pissed the bed once I would be so utterly repulsed by him that I would never want to look at him sexually again and as such it would be game over for me.

My eXH used to work with someone who used to roll in steaming drunk and piss in wardrobes, up the curtains etc and I used to wonder why his wife ever put up with it.

Honestly some women have shockingly low standards.

ANameChangeAgain · 25/02/2022 07:50

How do you 'get' someone to pay for something if he doesn't want to? If you have one account you would surely order it and the money would come from that. Or would you 'make' him order it just to prove a point? I think because you are saying the money will have to come out of house keeping, it sounds as though he give you some sort of allowance and his main money is elsewhere?

ANameChangeAgain · 25/02/2022 07:51

Please don't try to shame the op by calling out her low standards. This doesn't help.

Original poster
Exutant · 25/02/2022 07:54

@ANameChangeAgain

How do you 'get' someone to pay for something if he doesn't want to? If you have one account you would surely order it and the money would come from that. Or would you 'make' him order it just to prove a point? I think because you are saying the money will have to come out of house keeping, it sounds as though he give you some sort of allowance and his main money is elsewhere?
I'm not sure about 'main money'. There is the mortgage payment, school fees x3, saving, investments and housekeeping and dh pays his earnings into these each month. I don't think there is much left over tbh.
OP posts:
grapewine · 25/02/2022 07:54

It's disgusting. But why involve the children? No need for that.

moose62 · 25/02/2022 07:54

I put YABU just for the fact that you cleaned up for him. I would have made him strip the bed and do the washing. I would also not take the money to replace the mattress from the house keeping but would ask for him to pay for it himself or add in extra money next month. Peeing the bed is one thing but clearing up for him is another!

Sundancerintherain · 25/02/2022 07:54

You say to him - replace the items you pissed on, you dirty bastard.

Brefugee · 25/02/2022 07:54

I really don't get why you didn't just leave him in there. Everything is ruined anyway.

It sounds rough though

GalesThisMorning · 25/02/2022 07:55

I still don't understand why you cleaned up after him... that's beyond gross. So disrespectful. And why don't you have free access to money? You have to clean his pissy sheets OP AND you have to ask him for money. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly but this is not a great situation to be in.

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 25/02/2022 07:55

@Exutant

Friends and family stay in that bed. I made it all comfy and nice as at one point a guest (his mother) said it was uncomfortable. And he would honestly have lain there in it unless I stripped the bed.
Fine. Let him.
Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat · 25/02/2022 07:56

More fool you for clearing up after him.

Are you normally so lame?

I would close the door and leave the sheets. Next time his Mother wants to come tell her she can't because her son pissed the bed and you're waiting for him to clear up after himself.

enjoyingscience · 25/02/2022 07:56

You sound incredibly passive.

You can’t even think of a way of getting him to order a new mattress? You don’t know anything meaningful about family finances.

You need to find your power.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/02/2022 07:56

Gross, but there's no way on Earth I would have got involved in any of this. Lie in your own piss - go for it. If you just did nothing, would he not sort it out himself op? Would he not clean it all/buy all new?

One thing I have been very strict on with my children - you make a mess/mistake, it's fine, we all do, but you sort it out. Whether that's physical like dropping a bowl, or behavioural.

Shuffleuplove · 25/02/2022 07:56

Absolute deal breaker.

Original poster
Exutant · 25/02/2022 07:56

Well I'm so glad all of you can 'make' your husbands do what you want when you want.
I'm not so lucky.
I'm not just going to let stale piss smell seep around my upstairs for hours when I can sort it sooner.
Surprised that others would do that tbh

OP posts:
MoppaSprings · 25/02/2022 07:57

Don’t replace it. Next time his mum wants to stay say no sorry she pissed the bed and won’t replace mattress and sheets so she can’t stay. Same for other friends and family. Better yet say they can’t stay as your husband is sleeping there from now on.

ReeseWitherfork · 25/02/2022 07:57

If your "housekeeping" fund would be left low by replacing, then naturally I'd suggest the money comes from either the savings or investment pot?

OhJesusEffingChrist · 25/02/2022 07:57

No.... just no
Next time leave him to marinate in his own piss and he can sort the bed out
Or he can get a hotel and piss in their bed

Original poster
Exutant · 25/02/2022 07:57

@Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat

More fool you for clearing up after him.

Are you normally so lame?

I would close the door and leave the sheets. Next time his Mother wants to come tell her she can't because her son pissed the bed and you're waiting for him to clear up after himself.

That's vile.
OP posts:
Shuffleuplove · 25/02/2022 07:58

exutant I couldn’t make my ex husband do anything he didn’t fancy. So I divorced him.

Clymene · 25/02/2022 07:58

@Exutant

Well I'm so glad all of you can 'make' your husbands do what you want when you want. I'm not so lucky. I'm not just going to let stale piss smell seep around my upstairs for hours when I can sort it sooner. Surprised that others would do that tbh
Because you're enabling him. He's not going to stop doing it when you scurry around after him is he?
Shuffleuplove · 25/02/2022 07:58

OP why is it vile to tell his mother that he wets the bed because he’s so out of control? Why are you covering/enabling???

Vimto1991 · 25/02/2022 07:59

I think the guy is entitled to go out and have a drink (and can’t control if he pisses himself at night) - but what I think is wrong is you cleaning it, instead of telling him, too? Why should you have to clean piss stained sheets?

GalesThisMorning · 25/02/2022 08:00

OP most people wouldn't have to "make" their husbands do these things. Most adult men do not wet the bed, and if they do they would be absolutely mortified and would spring into action as soon as possible. Most men would wash up after themselves if they somehow managed to create such a mess.

The fact that your husband doesnt is a problem. The fact that you think you either "make him" behave like an adult or deal with the repercussions yourself is a problem.

He is not 2 years old. These are not the battles most of us have. Sorry

tkwal · 25/02/2022 08:01

We don't all get drunk and do silly(disgusting) things. Stop trying to normalise behaviour like this. And OP , if your OH is a city lawyer you can afford a private psych consultation to assist with preventing the stress from ruining your lives

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