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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh pissing bed drunk

472 replies

Exutant · 25/02/2022 07:11

He is 52 and went into work yesterday in London (normally wfh). Spare bedroom. I went in to see him at 6am - bed soaking with and freezing.
It's not the first time - it happens about every 6 months.
I'm so pissed off. Carrying the sheets down and the lovely matress topper that all thr guests say has made the bed so comfortable. Probably ruined.
Washing machine is thru the kitchen so the kids saw - ashamed to.say I told them "daddy has pissed the bed".
Aibu to think it's not normal?
He's trying to ignore me asking about it and even tried to get into our bed but I made him have a shower.
Now he's being all jolly with the kids and I feel seething.

OP posts:
BuyDirt · 26/02/2022 01:43

as its happened before, why is there no waterproof mattress protector?

Surely the question is, why has he not made changes in his life to ensure he doesn’t piss the bed again?

Tiddlesthecat · 26/02/2022 08:02

You absolutely shouldn't have told your kids. You know that. I say this as someone who's father did the same when I was a teenager and it was awful. I'd rather that I was protected from that! But neither should you be cleaning his sheets. If this ever happens again and I would absolutely threaten him that this was the last time, then I would get up and take the kids out of the house for the day so that they don't have to witness any of it.

newnameforthis76 · 26/02/2022 09:33

It’s not remotely normal or OK for any adult to piss the bed drunk. If he is aware that a consequence of heavy drinking is wetting the bed - which he clearly is, as it happens a couple of times a year - he needs to drink less or fuck off.

This isn’t some medical condition that can’t be helped. He is consciously going out and doing something that he knows will result in him pissing the bed like a toddler. It’s disgusting and so is he.

Zipzipyellow · 02/03/2022 00:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

KneadingKitty · 02/03/2022 10:41

@BuyDirt

as its happened before, why is there no waterproof mattress protector?

Surely the question is, why has he not made changes in his life to ensure he doesn’t piss the bed again?

Exactly! Bloody ridiculous.
ChampagneLassie · 02/03/2022 10:57

@Exutant

Perhaps the type of woman who won't (cant?) separate will also cope less than perfectly after a failed marriage and still not live up to their children's expectations?
@Exutant I really don't think the pissing a bed is such a big deal. Lots of people do this when drunk and it sounds like he has a stressful job and needs to let off steam. Obviously getting wasted isn't a long-term solution but I wouldn't massively harangue him for this. If we think about it from his perspective - he's the sole breadwinner, I'm imagining high expenses, you mention private school x 3 etc and you're saying he is finding work stressful. Dealing with the bed wetting is a bit annoying but I'd suck it up - this is not the biggest deal. Like you I'm in a relationship which is less than ideal, but I know I really wouldn't cope well alone. I think the counselling sounds like a good idea to talk and for both of you to try to understand each others' perspectives and try to focus on the bigger more important things.
Shuffleuplove · 02/03/2022 11:06

God almighty, the low standards here. Pissing the bed is “not that bad”?

chachacharlie · 02/03/2022 11:21

If you're going to stay with him and put up with this, at least move to a different room if possible, or dump the bed and buy two singles. Keep the windows open to get rid of the stink and let him sleep in his own pissy pit.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/03/2022 11:42

@ChampagneLassie
Sure, but what about pissing the bed AND THEN not making any moves to clear it up yourself or feeling remorseful but leaving it for your alleged loved one to do, as is what's happening here?

TedMullins · 02/03/2022 12:04

It really is frightening and depressing that so many women feel like they wouldn’t cope living alone in this day and age.

DuvetHugger · 02/03/2022 12:24

Accidents happen

A lot of abusive comments here.

What kind of husband is he apart from the occasional bed wetting?

mathanxiety · 02/03/2022 15:47

@ChsmpagneLassie

Really?

I mean are you being serious here?

Migrainesbythedozen · 02/03/2022 15:58

[quote arethereanyleftatall]@ChampagneLassie
Sure, but what about pissing the bed AND THEN not making any moves to clear it up yourself or feeling remorseful but leaving it for your alleged loved one to do, as is what's happening here? [/quote]
@arethereanyleftatall Again, she went in around 6am, he didn't get the chance to clear it up! He was sound asleep at the time! She never gave him the chance!

Shuffleuplove · 02/03/2022 16:02

FFS he does it every few months. It is disgusting

KatyRebecca84 · 02/03/2022 16:15

It doesn’t sound like a regular thing and although it’s disgusting, he was clearly just too drunk! I’d be annoyed but make him wash the sheets and replace the things that clearly are irreplaceable.
Maybe his stressful job means he needs to let off steam but in future maybe he shouldn’t drink quite so much!

thepeopleversuswork · 02/03/2022 16:23

@ChampagneLassie

Lots of people do this when drunk and it sounds like he has a stressful job and needs to let off steam.

They really don't. I've only ever known one person in my life who did this (a girlfriend's ex partner) and he ended unsuccessfully going into rehab several times to dry out. He's been on and off the wagon since then but is basically slowly dying of alcoholism.

I have a stressful job and sometimes need to "let off steam". If "letting off steam" resulted in me pissing my own bed I would check myself into rehab the next day. Anyone who thinks this is normal needs to seriously think about their perception of normal and their boundaries.

Whatafustercluck · 02/03/2022 16:38

One of the most shocking things I've seen in recent years was my neighbour pissing herself as we sat and chatted around the firepit. Literally just sat there, open eyed and drunk, before I heard a tricking sound emanating from her chair. Dh helped her home but I was mortified and it still saddens me that her drinking caused her to do that.

If it had been my dh, I'm not sure either he or I could look each other in the eye again. Illness and being infirm in old age is one thing. Getting so ratted you're incapable of holding your bowels, repeatedly, is quite another.

He has a drink problem op. Even if he doesn't drink every day, or even if this only happens twice a year, he has a problem. But the most important thing here is that he actually doesn't seem to care, he has no embarrassment and is apparently more than happy for you to clean up his sodden mess. Yuck. Utterly unappealing.

Blossomtoes · 02/03/2022 16:49

@chachacharlie

If you're going to stay with him and put up with this, at least move to a different room if possible, or dump the bed and buy two singles. Keep the windows open to get rid of the stink and let him sleep in his own pissy pit.
You missed that it was the spare bed.
HoneyItIsntGoodLuck · 02/03/2022 16:59

@DuvetHugger

Accidents happen

A lot of abusive comments here.

What kind of husband is he apart from the occasional bed wetting?

A shit one, because he wouldn’t even clean up his own ‘accident’.

Mumsnet is a window into another world for many of us.

Chilledchablis1 · 02/03/2022 17:54

@ KatyRebecca84

“It doesn’t sound like a regular thing and although it’s disgusting, he was clearly just too drunk! I’d be annoyed but make him wash the sheets and replace the things that clearly are irreplaceable.
Maybe his stressful job means he needs to let off steam but in future maybe he shouldn’t drink quite so much!“

How do you MAKE him wash the sheets ?

EthelTheAardvark · 02/03/2022 18:12

Just tried to talk to h and he said he doesn't feel ashamed as it's the least worst thing that could have happened after such a stressful week wtf

That's a weird response. Does he imagine his work colleagues all do this and worse after a stressful week? Would he like them to know about it?

spacehardware · 02/03/2022 18:36

"Anyone who thinks this is normal needs to seriously think about their perception of normal and their boundaries."

+1 for this. The idea that it's worth putting up with this to be a well kept housewife is mad

bozzabollix · 02/03/2022 19:01

I do feel for you in this. As a fellow SAHM (although have had my hand in with various freelancing) I get the vulnerability and the financial imbalance. It’s very hard for everything to be on one persons shoulders and for them to not be coping too well, you must be feeling really worried about all this.

Yes you’re totally right it’s pretty unacceptable and unreasonable for someone to piss the bed. I find it telling that he’s not shamefaced about it and not sorting out his mess. Your reaction is also pretty telling, I assume you don’t feel much power in your marriage. It’s good you’re going to counselling, he needs to recognise that your role as SAHM enables him to work as many hours as he wants without family responsibility to consider. Just because he’s earning the money doesn’t mean you’re not greatly contributing.

I know shows of rage aren’t ideal, but being fairly rural I’d have dragged the bedding and mattress out and burned it, he wouldn’t have a choice not to replace it!

chachacharlie · 02/03/2022 21:16

"You missed that it was the spare bed"

"He's trying to ignore me asking about it and even tried to get into our bed"

So he pisses in the spare bed, and then, still stinking, tries to get into the marital bed. Not a hope in hell. Separate beds.

Justgorgeous · 02/03/2022 21:23

@radiocity you clearly have low standards