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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh pissing bed drunk

472 replies

Exutant · 25/02/2022 07:11

He is 52 and went into work yesterday in London (normally wfh). Spare bedroom. I went in to see him at 6am - bed soaking with and freezing.
It's not the first time - it happens about every 6 months.
I'm so pissed off. Carrying the sheets down and the lovely matress topper that all thr guests say has made the bed so comfortable. Probably ruined.
Washing machine is thru the kitchen so the kids saw - ashamed to.say I told them "daddy has pissed the bed".
Aibu to think it's not normal?
He's trying to ignore me asking about it and even tried to get into our bed but I made him have a shower.
Now he's being all jolly with the kids and I feel seething.

OP posts:
Tinacollada · 25/02/2022 07:29

My ex H used to do this when drunk.

Degrading to you to have to clear up after him.

It's vile and definitely not normal.

countrygirl99 · 25/02/2022 07:29

@radiocity

Once every 6 months you say? I mean, it's disgusting yes but if it's only happened twice a year it's no big deal.

We all get drunk and do stupid things. My DH is a city banker - sometimes he just puts himself up in a hotel if he's been on it.

Maybe you need to consider why you have such low standards.
ReeseWitherfork · 25/02/2022 07:30

No way I'd be clearing up my husbands pissy sheets. And I wouldn't be brushing it under the carpet, he'd be forced to talk about it etc. Not sure of the financial set up but buying a new mattress topper wouldn't be coming out of a "housekeeping" fund, especially one that sounds carefully calculated. Is your husband a bit of a selfish prick with money too?

Sazzlepop22 · 25/02/2022 07:31

No wonder he's acting all jolly. He's probably mortified and pretending to have been so drunk he can't remember.
Definitely bring it up when you have is full attention and say it's unreasonable that you have to clean that up and ask him in future not to come home after such night outs. He'll know he will have the night out so can book a hotel in advance. Leave it at that. If this happens more than 2 times a year then ovbs it's not a solution.

MaggieMooh · 25/02/2022 07:33

In my entire life I’ve never drunk so much that I’ve wet the bed. Neither has my husband. It’s not normal and I absolutely wouldn’t put up with this sort of behaviour from an adult man. He needs to drink within his limits.

3luckystars · 25/02/2022 07:34

Why didn’t you just leave him in the bed? Let him sleep it off. Why are you trying to shame him and get through to him while he is still drunk?

I think you need support and so does he. Look into mediation and counselling today and get everything out on the table.I hope you work it out for yourself and your children.
Good luck.

Original poster
Exutant · 25/02/2022 07:34

@Sazzlepop22

No wonder he's acting all jolly. He's probably mortified and pretending to have been so drunk he can't remember. Definitely bring it up when you have is full attention and say it's unreasonable that you have to clean that up and ask him in future not to come home after such night outs. He'll know he will have the night out so can book a hotel in advance. Leave it at that. If this happens more than 2 times a year then ovbs it's not a solution.
He doesn't know when he has a night out planned. Its not a "do" per se. Just meeting clients normally for a drink. He gets carried away and orders spirits when he's already steaming on beer. And sadly I never have his full attention if its something he doesn't want to discuss.
OP posts:
shrunkenhead · 25/02/2022 07:34

This sounds like all kinds of wrong. I get your annoyance and that's why you said what you said in front of the kids. What concerned me most was the term "housekeeping" money. I'm guessing you don't need to work but that doesn't mean you have to put up with this.

Original poster
Exutant · 25/02/2022 07:35

@3luckystars

Why didn’t you just leave him in the bed? Let him sleep it off. Why are you trying to shame him and get through to him while he is still drunk?

I think you need support and so does he. Look into mediation and counselling today and get everything out on the table.I hope you work it out for yourself and your children.
Good luck.

We have a marriage counsellor next week so I will bring it up.
OP posts:
Mummytobe93 · 25/02/2022 07:35

Unless he’s got a medical condition it’s not normal.

They only people I knew doing this were alcoholics.

And certainly I wouldn’t wash the sheets for him!!

Don’t care that he’s a “very important lawyer”( who pisses his pants when drunk🤔) and you’re a “just” a SAHM.

3luckystars · 25/02/2022 07:35

Well 7am in the morning is not the best time to discuss things. Are you in the UK?

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 25/02/2022 07:36

I could not be married to someone like that. I don't care if it's only twice a year. Once in a lifetime would be enough for me.

Tiredan · 25/02/2022 07:37

If I'd left them on he would have stayed there until 9.30
This is the really bad bit.

Just lying in his own cold urine for hours is way beyond okay. That's not an unfortunate end to a jolly night out, that's away far into very psychologically unwell territory.
I think the PP who suggested he see his GP is very wise.

I'm so sorry you are in this situation, OP Flowers

EveningOverRooftops · 25/02/2022 07:38

The only people I know who piss the bed when drunk were my sister, an alcoholic and my step father, also an alcoholic.

Pissing the bed is a sign of a bigger drink issue here OP. He’s drinking so much he literally can’t rouse himself to go to the bathroom and by the sounds of it that’s a hell of a lot of alcohol.

Most people would’ve vomited or stopped before getting to bed pissing level.

3luckystars · 25/02/2022 07:38

apologies I missed you had said you are in London. He is definitely still drunk now so, I’d advise you write it down and bring it with you to the counselling. All the best.

girlmom21 · 25/02/2022 07:38

A lawyer getting steaming drunk with clients is not a lawyer I'd want in my corner.

Looubylou · 25/02/2022 07:40

I'm more concerned that you are a victim of financial control OP. Is this talked about in your marriage counselling?

forlornlorna · 25/02/2022 07:40

@Crazykefir

It's normal for alcoholics.
This

He's at the very least using alcohol to cope with stress and that's a slippery slope.

sm40 · 25/02/2022 07:42

Woo, he's a city lawyer so big £ and you'll have to pay for the mattress out of your housekeeping??? Why?????
I am Sahm. One account. I would be getting him to buy mattress and reminding him why we had to spend the money, regularly.
Ps ikea do nice mattresses that don't cost a bomb and great for spare beds.
Pps wetting the bed isn't normal even due very drunk city nights out.
Good luck, if you are already in counselling this sounds like the tip of an iceberg.

Original poster
Exutant · 25/02/2022 07:42

@girlmom21

A lawyer getting steaming drunk with clients is not a lawyer I'd want in my corner.
It's not adversarial law so there aren't corners.
OP posts:
Momicrone · 25/02/2022 07:44

Its horrible but I wouldn't have brought the kids into it

Original poster
Exutant · 25/02/2022 07:44

@sm40

Woo, he's a city lawyer so big £ and you'll have to pay for the mattress out of your housekeeping??? Why????? I am Sahm. One account. I would be getting him to buy mattress and reminding him why we had to spend the money, regularly. Ps ikea do nice mattresses that don't cost a bomb and great for spare beds. Pps wetting the bed isn't normal even due very drunk city nights out. Good luck, if you are already in counselling this sounds like the tip of an iceberg.
How do you 'get' someone to pay for something if he doesn't want to? If you have one account you would surely order it and the money would come from that. Or would you 'make' him order it just to prove a point? I don't get this.
OP posts:
Lime37 · 25/02/2022 07:45

How old are the children?? At 52 I think they are probably a bit old to be calling him daddy

Original poster
Exutant · 25/02/2022 07:46

@Lime37

How old are the children?? At 52 I think they are probably a bit old to be calling him daddy
Yes, one child us 52 and the other is 49.

Thanks for missing the point and finding another irrelevant thing to pick on me about rather than answering the aibu.

You lot!

OP posts:
Totalwasteofpaper · 25/02/2022 07:47

I voted yanbu but all those who voted yabu likely did so because you should have let him to lie in it and You cleaned it up- why?

I literally would not have touched it. He would need to clean it, source the replacement and make good on all of it.
And that would be as a one off under extenuating circumstances.

In therapy you need to challenge him and yourself on WHY any of this is considered okay?
Why he doesn't think he needs to clean up and be responsible for his actions. Why you for some reason think you are his skivvy.
Why he thinks it's okay in the first place or to do it repeatedly
write all of it down and at the very start of the session say clearly " I want to discuss this and agree a resolution"