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Original poster

Am I being a Bridezilla?

108 replies

ChaosIX · 24/02/2022 23:39

I (35f) am getting married this year. My partner and I just want to be married, and to have fun with our friends and family. But my mother argued with me about so many things that she has now completely taken over the wedding, and we have let her. My mother is having whatever she wants and that's cool, she's happy, I'm happy.

However... its gotten to the point now that its like its almost not my wedding anymore.
There's been a few instances where I've let her have her way even though I wasn't happy. For example, she said if my bridesmaids came dress shopping with me then she wouldn't be going because she didn't want me listening to other people's opinions! So I basically had to choose between her and my bests friends. She won obviously.
But now its all kicked off because my mum has bought a jumpsuit for the wedding but she cant do it up or down herself.

So she told me I'd have to help her and be her toilet assistant all day... ON MY WEDDING DAY!

I said to her no, I dont want to have to be constantly being asked to accompany you to the toilet and to have to look for you when I go.

I said you can get a zipper aid and showd her but now shes thrown a fit about it, said shes sendng the outfit back because I'm being a bridezilla and selfish and ungrateful etc etc

But I'm actually shocked she actually expects me, the bride, to be on hand to her.

So am I being unreasonable to not want to spend MY wedding day being my mother's toilet assistant?

Info: the wedding is at the family farm, and the toilet block will be outside across the yard (which will potentially be muddy if it's raining)

OP posts:
user43786 · 25/02/2022 00:20

@ChaosIX I think that's the problem. You've basically given her the green light to plan your wedding and now she's turned it into her day and is behaving like a diva. You need to take control back from every aspect of this wedding and put your foot down and say no to her.

Rickrollme · 25/02/2022 00:22

Does your mum have irritable bowel syndrome? If not can’t you just delegate a couple of bathroom trips to a helpful cousin or someone like that? If you’re happy enough for your mum to organise everything this seems like an odd hill to die on.

Justilou1 · 25/02/2022 00:23

Fuck that shit… Elope!!!

godmum56 · 25/02/2022 00:25

@NannyKrampus

Wow, I have read some crazy stuff over the years but your mother is bat shit level. I sort of get that you letting her take over with the planning but to turn you into her toilet assistant on your day... Just wow! She sounds incredibly self-centered and a total narcissist.
yup....if being batshit was an olympic event she'd be a shoe-in for gold. I mean you have known your Mum a long time, could you not see this (or something like it) coming? i read this as she had wanted to be angry and hurt so she took over the planning and you said fine....she made you choose between her and your friends and you said fine (and do you mean that the bridesmaids are getting zero say in their dresses? I hope she is paying for them AND the shoes) she's had to escalate to get a rise out of you so she can say its your fault (google look what you made me do....its a form of gaslighting)
BreadInCaptivity · 25/02/2022 00:27

[quote ChaosIX]@BreadInCaptivity I said the latter... there is no goddamn way I am being your toilet assistant. Hence the argument 🙄
I've given her so much Lee way to do as she wishes, that I am not backing down on this.[/quote]
Well that's it then.

Let her stew and come to her senses.

Kite22 · 25/02/2022 00:42

@UsernameAlwaysTaken

The issue was me being her assistant on THE DAY. NOT the planning of the wedding. I don't think you read the post properly...??

Bit of an abrupt response to someone just trying to help Hmm

If your mother taking over the wedding planning is a non issue and you didn't want people commenting on that, you could of cut your OP short by about 8 paragraphs and not even mentioned it.

This ^

You know what the answer to your direct question is. Nobody is going to say "Yes, of course you should be traipsing across to the outside toilet with her throughout the day" but the situation has arisen as you just give in to her and allow her to have her way throughout the whole thing. So posters are pointing that out.

Oh, and I agree that the Daily Fail and it's tabloid friends will love this, and it will be VERY identifiable......

SleepingStandingUp · 25/02/2022 00:48

You've enabled this behaviour. You're bank rolling her having the party she wants where she'll get what she wants and she'll feel special. It's no wonder she expects you to take her to the loo.

Of course you're right to tell her no, but I'm not convinced you really are as OK as you're claiming to be on replies given "However... its gotten to the point now that its like its almost not my wedding anymore. There's been a few instances where I've let her have her way even though I wasn't happy.*

I just hope you don't regret it on the day or looking back.

Vanellopee · 25/02/2022 00:48

Uninvite her.

Jeanluc · 25/02/2022 00:49

This is not normal at 35 to give your mother everything she wants for YOUR wedding. Cancel the whole thing and go with your original plan. Are you this unassertive in other aspects of your life?

Timesup87 · 25/02/2022 00:58

I don’t think you’re being a bridezilla by not wanting to spend your wedding day in and out of the toilet by your overpowering mother. I can empathise with your situation; my mum wanted me to stick my head around the church door and see what colour my mother in-law to be was wearing, so my mum could make sure she was in a different outfit and arrive after me, to my wedding. She repeatedly told me that after me, she was the next most important person of the day.

Some mums seem to drop all sense and turn it into a sideshow that revolves around them. I worked in bridal for a while and WOW, some MOTB were absolutely VILE!! Let her have a rant and get a new outfit, sounds like it’s all about her in every other aspect anyway. Good luck x

Holskey · 25/02/2022 01:10

@UsernameAlwaysTaken

The issue was me being her assistant on THE DAY. NOT the planning of the wedding. I don't think you read the post properly...??

Bit of an abrupt response to someone just trying to help Hmm

If your mother taking over the wedding planning is a non issue and you didn't want people commenting on that, you could of cut your OP short by about 8 paragraphs and not even mentioned it.

Agree.

I thought your mum was crazy, but your response here instantly made me think I can't take you seriously. So you don't have a problem with your mum, for example, banishing your friends from dress shopping? Why mention it then? Weird. And if you let her get away with that shit, of course she'll continue with her demands to have everything as she'd like.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/02/2022 01:19

Fucking hell, you are the poster child for being a doormat. You're a grown woman and it's like I'm reading about a child and their overbearing mother. FFS, put your foot down and put your mother in her place. Her and her delicate little feelings will survive, I assure you. It's madness that you have allowed her to run roughshod over you like this.

Imonlyhereforthehandwringing · 25/02/2022 01:25

Is this even real? OP writes war and peace complaining about mum taking over wedding to then claim she's fine with it really, just doesn't want mum in a jump suit?

If the loos are outside of a barn, have you thought about how you're going to manage in what I'm presuming is a white dress and shoes?

Sparticuscaticus · 25/02/2022 01:34

It's good you told your mum that's enough about the jumpsuit

You just need a reposte to her tantrum when she's (ironically!) calling you a bridezilla for refusing to be available to help her to use the toilet (undo her jumpsuit zipper) all day on your wedding day

"Mum, you're being ridiculous, don't call me names and stop throwing a tantrum."

1forAll74 · 25/02/2022 02:56

You have a voice to use, to curtail any silly behaviour from your Mum, Your wedding, so your choices in everything..

ginandbearit · 25/02/2022 03:25

Bet you anything your mum will have a screaming fitcat some stage about something during the course lf the day ...youve allowed her to make the day all about her not you ...so many issues to unpack here ..have a fun day ..

DreamTheMoors · 25/02/2022 04:03

Oh dear, @ChaosIX, it looks as though you’ve got yourself a momzilla - a big one.

Could it be that she’s just excited for her baby girl (yes, you’ll always be her baby) and let that overcome her good sense?

I hope you put your foot down!

Congratulations, and remember - it’s your day, and this is very small in the scheme of things. ❤️

WhoreOfBabyliss · 25/02/2022 04:15

You're both as bad as each other. You have given her full rein because you CBA and then when she uses full rein, you don't like it.

BottleBrushTree · 25/02/2022 05:05

If you’re letting her get away with this batshit controlling behaviour now, imagine how she’ll be when you have a kid? Potentially she could break up your marriage as she’ll be the MIL from hell.

ThinWomansBrain · 25/02/2022 05:37

what adult able bodied woman chooses to wear an outfit that does not allow them to go to the toilet independently?
For anything - let alone an occasion that is important to her?
she sounds batshit
why doesn't she just buy a size that fits if she likes it so much?

Rainallnight · 25/02/2022 05:53

She is deranged and you need therapy to help you deal with your boundary issues with her.

DryOldCaper · 25/02/2022 06:04

Your issue here is the jumpsuit?

Really?

Everyone else is reading this, like 😳

Whydidimarryhim · 25/02/2022 06:26

Is your mother narcissistic - god help you if you have children - your mother isn’t sensitive -

NerdleNoodle · 25/02/2022 06:29

OP it seems simple: you have no issue with her making all the decisions thus far so that's fine. You are happy. However you do have an issue with being her toilet assistant so say no to that.

Cocogreen · 25/02/2022 06:33

No you're not being unreasonable - your mother has lost her mind!
Just say I so appreciate all the planning and help but I won't have time to be your toilet assistant.
Tell he to keep the jumpsuit for another occasion and to buy something easier for on the day.

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