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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To call out boss ignoring my birthday

188 replies

Peachyroll · 24/02/2022 21:10

My boss is a terrible people manager and does everything he can to avoid 'people' responsibilities. He sees them as an annoying chore in comparison to his important man meetings. (I'm currently in an interview process, hoping to leave soon).

My wider department makes a big fuss of peoples' birthdays and since we're still remote, staff have received gifts in the post for the past few years eg. gift vouchers, booze, plants, flowers, cake etc, photos of which and thank yous are posted in our group chat.

It was my birthday yesterday. I noticed it was in my boss's calendar last week. But on the actual day, he said nothing to me in any meetings we were in. I received nothing. And I noticed the 'Peachyroll's birthday' entry had disappeared from their calendar. At my work managers get a notification from the HR system when it's their team member's birthdays as well.

I'm quite upset to be honest. I don't really care about not getting anything, it's the fact i know he has chosen to ignore it. There's no animosity or anything between us (although I know he doesn't particularly like me, or one of my colleagues), he literally just can't be arsed to do anything. Should I say something?

OP posts:
HopingForMyRainbowBaby · 24/02/2022 21:11

Unless you are 5 leave it

Colderthanever · 24/02/2022 21:13

You do kinda sound like you wanted stuff to be fair. It’s your boss. Who cares.

On the other hand, is this all the gifts you would get so reliant on your boss doing something?

thistimelastweek · 24/02/2022 21:13

Personally, I wouldn't mention it.

I can't think of a single way of bringing it up without sounding childish.

Bagpusssays · 24/02/2022 21:14

He is your boss, not your boyfriend. Your post is embarrassing.

Darbs76 · 24/02/2022 21:14

I guess it’s annoying if other people are given presents & it’s acknowledged. I guess your boss isn’t responsible for this though for them? It wouldn’t bother me personally and I wouldn’t say anything either

betwixtlives · 24/02/2022 21:15

Are you under 10?

Peachyroll · 24/02/2022 21:15

OK so maybe I do care a bit. The gift is usually a £50 voucher of some sort and cake! Grin

OP posts:
Toottooot · 24/02/2022 21:16

Ha ha ha - do it if you really want to embarrass yourself.

AhNowTed · 24/02/2022 21:16

No, don't say anything.

I work for a great company and apart from my 10 year anniversary, nobody mentions birthdays.

It's just not a thing.

Luredbyapomegranate · 24/02/2022 21:16

I’m guessing he was busy.

Forget about it. Birthdays are for friends and family

Peachyroll · 24/02/2022 21:16

@betwixtlives

Are you under 10?
I was 35 yesterday Wink
OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 24/02/2022 21:18

Presumably he isn't the "wider department" who makes a big fuss about people's birthdays? Are you saying he's fallen over himself for other people but not you? Or are you saying he's the same as 95% of male managers who would find it utterly bizarre to be fussing about with pressies and balloons for a grown up employee?

EekGoesTheBaby · 24/02/2022 21:18

Completely normal to be disappointed about missing out on what could have been good gifts (though you're not entitled to anything). But DON'T say anything. You'll either come across as grabby or childish, or both.

Lou98 · 24/02/2022 21:20

He's your boss, not your friend. Some people just aren't in to birthday's

Catflapkitkat · 24/02/2022 21:22

I would leave it, but I would be certainly be removing his birthday from the calendar and ignoring the message from HR

pitterpatterrain · 24/02/2022 21:22

Tbh my first thought was gosh that’s completely weird having your birthday not only known by your boss but there is some kind of company obligation to celebrate it

But if that’s your company culture and you get a company-funded gift I can see how it would grate that you miss out

RandomDent · 24/02/2022 21:23

50 quid? I might mention that if you are the only one not getting it.

Peachyroll · 24/02/2022 21:24

@MadMadMadamMim

Presumably he isn't the "wider department" who makes a big fuss about people's birthdays? Are you saying he's fallen over himself for other people but not you? Or are you saying he's the same as 95% of male managers who would find it utterly bizarre to be fussing about with pressies and balloons for a grown up employee?
He got a £60 bottle of his favourite whiskey AND a £50 John Lewis voucher for his birthday in November and was openly over the moon!

I get zero benefits and a lacklustre salary, so have to take all I can get...

OP posts:
Pisces89 · 24/02/2022 21:25

I wouldn't mention anything OP. I don't think he'd know what to say and may make things awkward at work. My boss is a bit like that also.

BlackMagicWimpund · 24/02/2022 21:25

50 quid? I might mention that if you are the only one not getting it.

YWBU if it weren’t for this ^

merrymelodies · 24/02/2022 21:30

Good grief! Birthdays were rarely if ever mentioned or noticed when I was at work. Birthdays are like excuses - everyone has one Grin

Peachyroll · 24/02/2022 21:30

@RandomDent

50 quid? I might mention that if you are the only one not getting it.
Looks like I'm the only one in the past year who hasn't got anything for their birthday. The other colleague he manages who he doesn't like much got fancy doughnuts, gin and an ASOS voucher for her 30th (which I think was actually organised by another manager in the department who she's mentored by because she knew our boss wouldn't bother).
OP posts:
Leilala · 24/02/2022 21:30

You get birthday presents from work!

Lucky to get a free roast dinner in a polystyrene box on Christmas Day! Don’t even get extra pay either.

bedtimesleep · 24/02/2022 21:31

Happy Birthday! I would be disappointed if I was you too. Do your colleagues know it was your bday or just your boss?

unfortunateevents · 24/02/2022 21:32

Who is paying for all these extravagant gifts?! And who organises all this? If it left to individual managers then you are always going to find some people who are left out because their manager is away, forgets, can't be bothered etc.