To call out boss ignoring my birthday

[Peachyroll]

My boss is a terrible people manager and does everything he can to avoid 'people' responsibilities. He sees them as an annoying chore in comparison to his important man meetings. (I'm currently in an interview process, hoping to leave soon).

My wider department makes a big fuss of peoples' birthdays and since we're still remote, staff have received gifts in the post for the past few years eg. gift vouchers, booze, plants, flowers, cake etc, photos of which and thank yous are posted in our group chat.

It was my birthday yesterday. I noticed it was in my boss's calendar last week. But on the actual day, he said nothing to me in any meetings we were in. I received nothing. And I noticed the 'Peachyroll's birthday' entry had disappeared from their calendar. At my work managers get a notification from the HR system when it's their team member's birthdays as well.

I'm quite upset to be honest. I don't really care about not getting anything, it's the fact i know he has chosen to ignore it. There's no animosity or anything between us (although I know he doesn't particularly like me, or one of my colleagues), he literally just can't be arsed to do anything. Should I say something?

I'd be calling out my boss if they did make a fuss on my birthday. Horses for course and that, your work culture would be a bit of a nightmare for many.

Nobody in the office ever knows when my birthday is and I prefer it that way.

Good god, no, don't say anything. You're not a child. Saying anything will just bring you grief.

@Bagpusssays

He is your boss, not your boyfriend. Your post is embarrassing.

Yep, this I’m afraid. You can’t make other people celebrate your birthday after about age 10.

I'd be willing to bet my manager doesn't even know what month my birthday is. He's a pretty shit manager but I wouldn't expect him to make a fuss on my birthday. I'd find it weird as fuck tbh.

There's budget for it, bizarrely. He doesn't even have to pay.

YABU

Let it go OP

Seriously embarrassing otherwise

Does he know you're planning on leaving?

A few others know. I'm not really one for going around telling people it's my birthday.

Like I say, the main gripe is that he knowingly deleted it from his calendar. He actively pressed a button to delete my one day of joy from work.

Just say ‘oh thanks for asking, I had a lovely birthday yesterday’ ……

@Peachyroll

There's budget for it, bizarrely. He doesn't even have to pay.

Ah now if there is a budget for it then I would definately mention it... perhaps to his higher up, or to one of this collegues who knows hes an arse. Why should you miss out on a company gift!

@Justmuddlingalong

Does he know you're planning on leaving?

Nope, and he's really looking forward to dumping half of his job (the part he really hates) onto me in the next couple of weeks. I'll be very sorry to disappoint him.

I'd be mentioning my birthday to everyone I could in my department, in every conversation, for the next week or so. Mention that it's a shame work have stopped doing birthday gifts. Bonus points if it's on a group zoom.

.... and wait.

How old are you!?! I would be mortified if my boss made a song and dance about my birthday. If you want people to make a big deal on your birthday, take the day off as annual leave and get some friends over!

Also, it's a double-edged sword for a boss - I know someone who got in trouble with HR when one of their employees complained about them making a fuss on their birthday and, therefore, drawing attention to their age.

I've always just been pleased if I get a 'happy birthday' WhatsApp, and I've worked for some great companies that really value their staff, so it's not a lack of care on their part. I just don't think birthdays are really relevant to the workplace. I've never had a present from a boss and I think I'd find it quite weird to get one. Don't bring it up, there's no way you can do it without looking childish. Just focus on your interviews and getting out of there if you're unhappy.

He’s heard you’re leaving.

It is pretty rubbish that he is actively avoiding it when it is normal at your work to acknowledge it.
But I honestly can't see what would be the point in any kind of passive aggressive niggle, outright bold accusation, or anything in between. What would it achieve?
At the best he mumbles an apology he doesn't really mean, at the worst his reaction is something else disappointing and it makes it more crap now its also a 'thing'.
Let's just hope your interview goes well. Good luck with that.

I voted YABU, because it sounds like it is OTT and really unnecessary and even verging into odd

However since the additional information that the company has a budget to give all employees a £50 - £60 pound bonus on their birthday, then that is different. That then becomes wrong if most people get it but one or two are left out.
That said, if the company have that as a policy then it needs to be part of someone's job to organise it, and it not being left to employees / Team Managers to remember, and to know their staff well enough to know what they want, and to shop for them and get things delivered. There needs to be someone whose job it is.

I think people might be missing the point a bit, OP. Other companies might not do gifts for their employees (mine doesn’t), some might be embarrassed if their birthday was drawn attention to (I would), but the tradition at YOUR workplace is for employees to be shown appreciation on their birthday. And clearly you’ve not only been singled out not to receive the same appreciation, but your boss has even tried to cover his tracks by deleting it from his calendar.

Forget the posters taking shots at you for being childish. It’s not about the gift, is it. It’s about being excluded. Which is bullying. You are right to be upset, OP. But there’s no point in bringing anything up as your boss will likely behave as others have here and claim you’re being childish. Let it go and do well in your interviews so you can get away from that knob.

And happy birthday. 💐

I think adults who go ott about birthdays are daft.

However that doesn’t sound like the case here.

1. All of your colleagues have a birthday recognised.

1. His birthday was celebrated.

1. There’s a fund for it.

I don’t think YABU and whilst I probably wouldn’t raise it I’d be tempted and pretty pissed off.

Id probably go with a passive aggressive email to HR:

Hi Lucy,

Hope you are well. I just wanted to check if there was some kind of issue that needed resolving. Mike didn’t acknowledge my birthday last week and given all his other direct reports received gifts and cake and Mike did himself, I wanted to know if there was a reason I was excluded.

I know you inform line managers of their team’s birthdays so it must be deliberate and therefore I obviously want to be sure there isn’t something I need to address.

Best

Peachy

Yes it’s petty but I’m petty and I don’t care. And whilst I’m not fussed about my own birthday, my direct reports get gifts from me at birthdays and Christmas as does my cleaner because it’s a nice thing to do.

Are you sure it's not just for 'big' birthdays? I can understand your colleague getting expensive gifts for her 30th but wouldn't expect something for a 35th.
My office don't acknowledge birthdays or have a budget for gifts but my colleagues did put money together to get me a gift for my 30th and threw a little makeshift party on our lunch break that day, which was lovely but I wouldn't expect anything like that every year 🤷‍♀️

@Peachyroll

There's budget for it, bizarrely. He doesn't even have to pay.

Right if it's like a bonus that everyone else gets approach it from that angle. Ask if you're getting your birthday bonus in your payslip this month

Eh? Why would people at work make a fuss of of your birthday apart from just saying 'happy birthday'?

I reckon he knows you’re trying to move jobs 👀

@Thisisyourvaginatalking

Eh? Why would people at work make a fuss of of your birthday apart from just saying 'happy birthday'?

You might not like it but some places are like that.

My first birthday at a new job years ago I arrived to a desk covered in decorations, gifts and a cake - it was completely unlike anything I’d experienced at work previously.

Where I am now it’s not a thing at all.

The point is you shouldn’t be the only person who is excluded, regardless of your personal feelings.