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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To call out boss ignoring my birthday

188 replies

Peachyroll · 24/02/2022 21:10

My boss is a terrible people manager and does everything he can to avoid 'people' responsibilities. He sees them as an annoying chore in comparison to his important man meetings. (I'm currently in an interview process, hoping to leave soon).

My wider department makes a big fuss of peoples' birthdays and since we're still remote, staff have received gifts in the post for the past few years eg. gift vouchers, booze, plants, flowers, cake etc, photos of which and thank yous are posted in our group chat.

It was my birthday yesterday. I noticed it was in my boss's calendar last week. But on the actual day, he said nothing to me in any meetings we were in. I received nothing. And I noticed the 'Peachyroll's birthday' entry had disappeared from their calendar. At my work managers get a notification from the HR system when it's their team member's birthdays as well.

I'm quite upset to be honest. I don't really care about not getting anything, it's the fact i know he has chosen to ignore it. There's no animosity or anything between us (although I know he doesn't particularly like me, or one of my colleagues), he literally just can't be arsed to do anything. Should I say something?

OP posts:

SugarAndCoffee · 25/02/2022 06:12

@Disneysaurus

If it’s the company policy of course yanbu. £50 is quite a lot, I’d try and bring it up in a half jokey kind of way. But agree with others it would be difficult.

I wouldn't be half jokey just ask where your birthday bonus is as everyone gets one. He needs to be called out on it

NobodysGonnaKnow · 25/02/2022 06:17

How would you bring it up? With him or with someone above him? I think if the tone of the communication was non-grabby then why not! (Unless you’re relying on him for a reference, then I’d leave it).

PerditaPerdita · 25/02/2022 06:22

@BoredZelda

He’s heard you’re leaving.

This.

You can't say anything but a colleague could. Someone needs to talk to him and say omg what about her birthday??? The colleague should say 'I've got a belated card - now what voucher shall we get her? Better make it a good one as it's late ... you had whisky and a voucher ... shall we do the same, or just give her 100 quid voucher?'

MsChatterbox · 25/02/2022 06:37

Agree with pp if you have a colleague you are friendly with ask them if they're willing to bring it up as if accidentally forgotten. If you haven't then go above him and say you didn't get it. I wouldn't be letting it go until I got it if there's a budget for it!

Momijin · 25/02/2022 06:41

I would speak to HR that you haven't received the usual birthday gift and you're worried that it got lost in the post.

LetHimHaveIt · 25/02/2022 06:47

I don't usually come down on the side of any poster who uses the phrase 'call out (someone)' is it's the most infuriatingly adolescent bollocks - but I can understand why you're a bit pissed off. Others people saying 'it's not a thing' - well, it is at OP's workplace. And she's being overlooked. Not a lot you can do, though.

SugarAndCoffee · 25/02/2022 06:53

@LetHimHaveIt "calling out" is less confrontational than "confronting" or "challenging" its more "alerting someone to their prejudices or nonsense"

nettie434 · 25/02/2022 06:58

Happy belated birthday Peachyroll. Of course it's reasonable to feel upset when the company actually funds presents for staff members.

Somebody asked if you had a colleague who could bring it up with your manager. Alternatively, as you say that other colleagues refer to the presents they received in the group chat, do you have a colleague who could innocently ask, 'Did you have a nice birthday, Peachyroll? What did you get from work?' You can then reply. If nothing else, he will be shown up. Ideally, he will have to organise a belated something.

balalake · 25/02/2022 06:59

I think given your description of this overpromoted 'Peter' type of manager, ignoring your birthday comes way down the list of concerns.

Hope you are successful in getting your new job you are going for.

LetHimHaveIt · 25/02/2022 06:59

That's why we have such words as 'alert', 'ask' or 'approach'. For my part, I'm also capable of 'responding', 'retorting' or even 'supplying (a rejoinder)' rather than, say, 'clapping-back'.

lborgia · 25/02/2022 07:01

YABU.

It's a company issue. There's a company budget. He is the only limiting element in the process.

For £50 and a cake, I'd make sure I got it. Especially as you're leaving!

SugarAndCoffee · 25/02/2022 07:06

@LetHimHaveIt

That's why we have such words as 'alert', 'ask' or 'approach'. For my part, I'm also capable of 'responding', 'retorting' or even 'supplying (a rejoinder)' rather than, say, 'clapping-back'.

Fair enough I'm going to continue to use calling out as people understand the phrase

Ddot · 25/02/2022 07:07

Happy birthday dear.
I'd put my cards on my desk but say nothing, not worth the effort

ManicPixie · 25/02/2022 07:08

You’re leaving anyway, why give a shit?

OhJesusEffingChrist · 25/02/2022 07:09

I would have skipped around the office singing 'Happy Birthday To Me' over and over and over
And then stamped my foot and thcweamed and thcweamed until I was sick..........

RantyAunty · 25/02/2022 07:10

He sounds horrible and so does the place.

You didn't say what type of work you do, but surely there are better jobs than that one.

hopeishere · 25/02/2022 07:13

If there is budget for it and it's a company wide policy to acknowledge birthdays then you are right to question it.

It's irrelevant if it's childish / he knows you are leaving etc etc.

MsHampton · 25/02/2022 07:19

Could you email your manager and copy in HR just to enquire about the birthday gift arrangements and ask if there's a reason why these seem to have stopped.

MrsDThomas · 25/02/2022 07:20

He’s your boss. Not a friend.

Its not in a job description. Don’t be childish

OperationDog · 25/02/2022 07:31

A pity the information about there being an official birthday fund wasn’t in the OP.

It would have saved all those who don’t read beyond it from posting snide irrelevant comments.

Yellowleadbetter · 25/02/2022 07:31

This is making me smile!

I’m leaving the NHS after 33 years of front line service and I’m getting zilch, nothing, fuck all, not even an acknowledgment from management.

The thought of a colleague getting upset over their birthday not being acknowledged is just bizarre.

Perspective and then I’d be tempted to leave and never think of it again.

Chocoqueen · 25/02/2022 07:38

@Thisisyourvaginatalking

Eh? Why would people at work make a fuss of of your birthday apart from just saying 'happy birthday'?

Well in this case there is a budget of £50-£60 per person FROM THE COMPANY, to buy a gift. And HIS gift was worth over £100.

Heronwatcher · 25/02/2022 07:44

I’m pretty sure my boss doesn’t have a clue when my birthday is, and I don’t care a bit (no boss I have had has ever known about it), but if everyone else’s is celebrated then yes I would mention it maturely and just check whether he knows the date. But I think in general this is why it’s a good idea to keep birthdays out of work.

Soontobe60 · 25/02/2022 07:48

Where I’ve worked in the past we’ve only acknowledged big birthdays ending in a zero, weddings or births.

londonrach · 25/02/2022 07:48

Seriously...he your boss not your boyfriend. I'm surprised your boss knows your birthday. Leave this. Unless you 5 it's not important. Yabu

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