To call out boss ignoring my birthday

[Peachyroll]

My boss is a terrible people manager and does everything he can to avoid 'people' responsibilities. He sees them as an annoying chore in comparison to his important man meetings. (I'm currently in an interview process, hoping to leave soon).

My wider department makes a big fuss of peoples' birthdays and since we're still remote, staff have received gifts in the post for the past few years eg. gift vouchers, booze, plants, flowers, cake etc, photos of which and thank yous are posted in our group chat.

It was my birthday yesterday. I noticed it was in my boss's calendar last week. But on the actual day, he said nothing to me in any meetings we were in. I received nothing. And I noticed the 'Peachyroll's birthday' entry had disappeared from their calendar. At my work managers get a notification from the HR system when it's their team member's birthdays as well.

I'm quite upset to be honest. I don't really care about not getting anything, it's the fact i know he has chosen to ignore it. There's no animosity or anything between us (although I know he doesn't particularly like me, or one of my colleagues), he literally just can't be arsed to do anything. Should I say something?

Hopefully you’ll get the other job and when you leave, you can say it’s because you didn’t say Happy Birthday.

It isn't a birthday gift, it's a bonus. Yes, OP, you are right to be pissed off that you missed out on a bonus.

RTFT

The company policy is to acknowledge birthdays.
There is a budget for a manager to buy a present.
It was in her boss's calendar and he deleted it during the day so he KNEW it was her birthday.

I work for a great company and apart from my 10 year anniversary, nobody mentions birthdays.

and OP works for a company where everyone's birthday is marked and they receive something.

OP ask him if he forgot and then carry on as normal but ignore his and everyone else's birthdays. I'm guessing you don't have collections so at least there is that.

Is there another manager with whom this could be raised? Or could HR look into it?

Ask hr, as you haven't received your birthday bonus yet. Could be your boss has pocked it?

My boss remembers my work anniversary - but only because him and I share the same hiring date, just a decade apart. I suspect that he's operating under the assumption that I don't even have a birthday.

He's been utterly lovely to me over the five or so years I've worked for him: I've received champagne for every promotion, a personal card for important successes - but never so much as a "congrats" for my birthday.

This makes sense. He's my boss. I actually like him (and I genuinely think he likes me, too), but we work together, and that is the nature of our relationship. And it goes both ways. I roughly about-ish know how old he is, but I couldn't even tell you whether He's 52 or 54 at this point.

This wouldn’t be a out the voucher to me but the fact that everyone else is recognised and you ignored. It shows how (or how little) they think of you. This is one of the reasons I left I previous job. Despite others insistence about being grabby, when you start feeling undervalued and ignored then what incentive do you have to work hard? Especially when others aren’t ignored. Fingers crossed you get a new job soon op.

I don't usually come down on the side of any poster who uses the phrase 'call out (someone)' is it's the most infuriatingly adolescent bollocks

Calling out people on the phrases they choose to use is infuriatingly adolescent bollocks.

YANBU
The fact that you suspect he deleted your bday from the calendar and there is a budget to give each employee a £50 voucher means YANBU. I would talk about your bday dinner last night loudly so people realise and they might check if you got your gift - if it’s company culture everyone gets one they will wonder why you didn’t.

@OperationDog

A pity the information about there being an official birthday fund wasn’t in the OP.

It would have saved all those who don’t read beyond it from posting snide irrelevant comments.

Yeah this. Except they won't see this either. 😄

As a boss I hate the birthdays at work thing. I love my staff, I do everything possible to treat them fairly and develop their careers. I'm free with praise when they do well and take responsibility for their mistakes when they don't, but I'm not their mum or their best friend. I'm not sure why my own money should be spent on gifts, some are much easier to buy for than others, so some inevitably end up with " better" presents than others and I live in fear of missing one. The emotional energy that goes into staff birthdays is ridiculous.

I much preferred it when I worked in an all male environment where the most that happened would be the birthday boy bought the beer at lunchtime.

I honestly think it's caring about these kinds of things that is one of the things reasons women aren't being taken seriously.

Plus there's also a bit of a data issue with using HR records celebrate birthdays I.e. not the purpose it was intended for. I once had to deal with a complaint (not against me) where a big fuss was made over a big birthday and the staff member objected to her data (age) being made public.

Its hard op if others have theirs acknowledged. Last office cake beside my desk and biscuits. Boss just walked past. Was bit rude!!

@Peachyroll
i would mention and if he still ignores try HR or someone and make up some postal issues.

I actually brought up this last year as my manager had left and the new one had just started and then i went on holiday.

so when i came back i asked 'did something get sent as I was wondering if it had been left behind a plant pot and got stolen while i was on holiday' and ended up getting a £15 amazon voucher

Maybe something will come in the post today?

I would be so tempted to ask her what the budget is for birthdays and if there was a contingency for when nobody bothered to organise anything. Or get in touch with them and ask that since nobody bothered for you, can you organise your own?

Ask HR Not her!

It’s work. Birthdays are celebrated by family/friends. Yabu

I can't say that acknowledgement of my birthday is something I care about in a work environment. It stopped being acknowledged after primary school by anyone other than family and friends.

He doesn't care. Nor would I. Try to form more mature working relationships in your new job.

@MrsSkylerWhite

It’s work. Birthdays are celebrated by family/friends. Yabu

Did you read the thread? there is a budget for birthdays

I'd ask HR for the voucher but not expect anything from him and not mention it to him.

Happy belated birthday for yesterday!

Since it's £50 I would say something.

Say that you understand he doesn't 'do' birthdays, but could he let you know how to claim the £50 for your birthday? Would it be easiest if you msg HR and ask them?

Next time you're chatting to him (assuming you have the odd friendly chat or exchange), just say cheekily "Ooh, are the birthday vouchers still a thing?". It's a completely reasonable question, and it doesn't need to be a drama. If he gets defensive you can say "I just wanted to check you didn't think I'd received something without saying thank you!". More likely he will umm and ah and something will turn up.

Fishy that he deleted it from the calendar.