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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To call out boss ignoring my birthday

188 replies

Peachyroll · 24/02/2022 21:10

My boss is a terrible people manager and does everything he can to avoid 'people' responsibilities. He sees them as an annoying chore in comparison to his important man meetings. (I'm currently in an interview process, hoping to leave soon).

My wider department makes a big fuss of peoples' birthdays and since we're still remote, staff have received gifts in the post for the past few years eg. gift vouchers, booze, plants, flowers, cake etc, photos of which and thank yous are posted in our group chat.

It was my birthday yesterday. I noticed it was in my boss's calendar last week. But on the actual day, he said nothing to me in any meetings we were in. I received nothing. And I noticed the 'Peachyroll's birthday' entry had disappeared from their calendar. At my work managers get a notification from the HR system when it's their team member's birthdays as well.

I'm quite upset to be honest. I don't really care about not getting anything, it's the fact i know he has chosen to ignore it. There's no animosity or anything between us (although I know he doesn't particularly like me, or one of my colleagues), he literally just can't be arsed to do anything. Should I say something?

OP posts:
Uafasach · 24/02/2022 22:07

Your HR notifies managers of people's birthdays??? Isn't that a data breach? Several members of my team would resign if people knew about their birthday.

LimeSupper · 24/02/2022 22:08

Birthdays are not for your boss to celebrate.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 24/02/2022 22:09

If this is a company thing i would contact HR. Really unfair

Merryoldgoat · 24/02/2022 22:11

@LimeSupper

Birthdays are not for your boss to celebrate.
But HR inform managers and there is a budget. You might think it’s stupid but it’s a company-wide policy so OP shouldn’t be excluded.
Sh05 · 24/02/2022 22:13

At my husband's place of work they get an extra day off on or around their birthday.
Every company will be different
You've had some good suggestions upthread.

SunshineCake1 · 24/02/2022 22:15

Call out is such an annoying phrase.

AnnieSnap · 24/02/2022 22:16

@Bagpusssays

He is your boss, not your boyfriend. Your post is embarrassing.
This 👆
SolasAnla · 24/02/2022 22:20

@Peachyroll

There's budget for it, bizarrely. He doesn't even have to pay.
Be proactive

Take on a task he hates arrange for your BIK
🤷🏼‍♀️

Send him your expenditure claim for one voucher and a cake and the moonpig card being delivered to the office for his signature before he can send it on to you.

KneadingKitty · 24/02/2022 22:22

I'd actually be pretty pissed he deleted it from his calendar. I'd not mention it but I'd be annoyed.

topcat2014 · 24/02/2022 22:22

Sounds a bit shit, OP, given the culture.

I don't know when my staff birthdays are, but buy everyone a Christmas present and Easter egg from my own funds.

Good managers try..

KneadingKitty · 24/02/2022 22:25

@topcat2014

Sounds a bit shit, OP, given the culture.

I don't know when my staff birthdays are, but buy everyone a Christmas present and Easter egg from my own funds.

Good managers try..

This is lovely. My old place of work used to buy us all an Easter egg and when we'd been working hard they'd get us a breakfast or a Dominos. Everyone was happy there, it was a great place.
Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure · 24/02/2022 22:28

The only way we know it’s someone’s birthday in our shop is when they bring in goodies. Otherwise it’s a non issue... 🤷🏼‍♀️

WonderfulYou · 24/02/2022 22:28

Like I say, the main gripe is that he knowingly deleted it from his calendar. He actively pressed a button to delete my one day of joy from work.

How do you know this?
Did you see him press the button?

Sounds like it could have been done by accident and he can’t be expected to remember everyone’s birthday.

Susu49 · 24/02/2022 22:31

I actually think yanbu.

Only because from your post it does seem as if you've been singled out for different treatment. The fact that it's over something silly isn't really relevant.

Hyppogriff · 24/02/2022 22:35

Sorry you are 35 not 5

Beautiful3 · 24/02/2022 22:36

I think its unfair as he spends £50 on others, except you. I'd email him, reminding him that it was your birthday yesterday.

anotherbloodyyearofcovid · 24/02/2022 22:37

I've been in my job for 10 years, have a good relationship with my colleagues and have NEVER had my birthday acknowledged, not even an online happy birthday message. Others get cards, cakes, fuss etc. I've no idea why some do and some don't get acknowledged.

Cam2020 · 24/02/2022 22:39

Obviously it's not nice if this is the norm and it hasn't happened, but it all sounds rather intense!

My boss has no idea when my birthday is, and that's fine! Other bosses in the past have made a point of remembering and that's nice, but never expected.

Agapornis · 24/02/2022 22:44

Might he have pocketed the £50 voucher?

Can you ask HR because 'it looks like it got lost in the post'?

BoredZelda · 24/02/2022 22:52

Sorry you are 35 not 5

So at 35 a person should not be annoyed if a perk given to every other member of staff is not given to them? Regardless of what that perk is and whether you think it is stupid, you don’t think being singled out not to receive this perk is wrong?

Replace “birthday” with “annual Christmas voucher.” Would a 35 year old be unreasonably annoyed if everyone got one except them?

BoredZelda · 24/02/2022 22:53

Call out is such an annoying phrase.

Posting on a thread just to call out phrases you hate is annoying.

Peachyroll · 24/02/2022 23:00

@SunshineCake1

Call out is such an annoying phrase.
Please accept my sincerest apologies for annoying you.
OP posts:
whatisforteamum · 24/02/2022 23:04

It is annoying OP.
One manager used to put birthdays on the Rota and some got cake or an amusing t shirt.
I didn't get a happy birthday.
I took it for the immature passive aggressive behaviour it was.
Singling me out as the only woman and spoiling the boys.
Misogyny at its core.

Peachyroll · 24/02/2022 23:05

@Agapornis

Might he have pocketed the £50 voucher?

Can you ask HR because 'it looks like it got lost in the post'?

This is a really interesting question. He actually got caught stealing a backpack load of wine from a Christmas party a couple of years back so I wouldn't put it past him.
OP posts:
Branster · 24/02/2022 23:10

Happy Birthday!
I wouldn't mention it all. Clearly it's not important to your boss and he couldn't exactly offload the job to you to organise anything.
Hardly anyone knows my birthday apart from family, I never mention to anyone and would hate to be celebrating at work in any way. They're not usually real friends and wouldn't really care so why bother just to tick a box.
Conversely, I thoroughly enjoy giving gifts to friends and family on their birthdays, more than I enjoy receiving mine even. Work people, I honestly don't need to know about their birthdays even if they are nice, they're not my friends.

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