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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to study some more?

234 replies

Swedes2Turnips1 · 02/01/2008 23:39

I am a Bachelor of Laws and have a postgraduate journalism qualificaton. I also have 4 (very lovely) children: 5 months, 2 years, one just joined senior school and one about to sit GCSEs. I really fancy studying philosophy. Would it be terribly selfish?

OP posts:
Niecie · 03/01/2008 10:35

Education is definitely wasted on the young.

I would have got of first back in my 20's if I had the mindset and maturity () I have now and the time and energy I had back then!

Acinonyx · 03/01/2008 10:39

Another BSc Biochem here. I then did half a PGCE and one third of a PhD. Not my best years. Now finishing a full-time PhD in a different field at the ripe old age of 45 (having had dd in my second year then 2 years out). I have funding though - that was a condition dh and I agreed (after I had spent my savings on an MPhil).

I don't think education is ever wasted whether you have a plan or not. Personally, I have always felt the need for a plan - but you wouldn't think so looking at my life history. Life really is what happens when you are making other plans.

Lucy - indeed - PhDs are so often just good research got cheaply from slave labour.

Philosophy would be very interesting - and what a fantastic subject to share with your kids (even just a little bit, here and there). As long as you can make the time and money work. An interest in moral philosophy is partly what drove me into my current area.

Wish I had the energy to be a gym bunny - even a gym guinea pig.

Acinonyx · 03/01/2008 10:40

Pinky - I didn't go to my graduation either. My parents didn't want to go, and I felt akward being the only one on my own.

inthegutter · 03/01/2008 10:44

Swedes - not really enough info in your OP. Absolutely nothing wrong in wanting to study and broaden your mind. Whether it's selfish or not depends on how it will impact on others - ie how are you financing it? Are you relying on a partner to work to support you while you study? Is he happy with this or would he like some time out of the world of work too? Lots of issues to discuss i think. Good luck.

lucyellensmum · 03/01/2008 10:58

good post inthegutter

Original poster
Swedes2Turnips1 · 03/01/2008 11:02

I suppose I feel it's selfish because it would be self-indulgent study as opposed to study with a clear career objective. I don't personally have a problem with self-indulgent study (bcause you want to is the best reason of all for learning). Whilst it is very laudable for people to study in order to improve their work prospects or increase their income, it is possible that they are doing what they think they should do rather than what they really want to do - this probably means it's not such an enjoyable journey.

I also fancy doing an art foundation course. I also plan to start a business. It's so hard to decide what might be the most self-rewarding route to take.

OP posts:
ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 03/01/2008 11:06

A gym membership isn't just a serious commitment for those with sporting asirations; it's a way to help stay fit and healthy. You can have all the Masters' and PhDs in the world; they are no good to you if you are too unfit to embark upon the career you have worked for; or your cholesterol is too high for your heart to wishstand the stress of one

Also, many people, like my DH, attend the gym as part of a medical programme aimed at controlling their conditions.

I realise the gym comment was a throwaway one, but honestly the world is not divided into "academic types" and "sporty types", nor do you have to be be a "sporty type to go to the gym. And to be honest, both require a level of commitment. People who want to lounge around being a "kept woman" (or man!) whilst doing nowt worthwhile to contribute to society, or dabbling in a "study hobby" at someone else's expense, probably won't be the types to have the commitment do either!

Acinonyx · 03/01/2008 11:08

I think inthegutter has a valid point ie how does this affect your dh (and kids)? Will it take time and money away from him and if so is he OK with that? Or can you do this very inexpensively?

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 03/01/2008 11:10

Acinonyx that's really sad! Why didn't your parents want to go??! Couldn't you have taken friends/other family?

I'm not sure how many you can have (I know they all have to be paid for) but I want all the people who are closest to me at mine, including Ellbell who first informed me that she thought I should do a degree. (I laughed in her face initially!) It will be a really important moment in my life.

Acinonyx · 03/01/2008 11:11

Quite so Shiny - I totally bombed when I tried a gym membership. I'd love to be fitter.

inthegutter · 03/01/2008 11:11

I suppose in an ideal world there'd be all sorts of things I'd like to study. Not necessarily to gain formal qualifications or for career development, but to broaden my horizons and satisfy my thirst for new experiences. But I agree, it's difficult to know how to balance this with other responsibilities to partner and family. At the moment, I feel fairly satisfied with my lot (I did a BA followed by higher degree and PGCE and now teach)- though i did all my studying years ago and sometimes get the urge to pick it up again..... However the reality of paying a mortgage usually brings dp and i back down to earth!

Original poster
Swedes2Turnips1 · 03/01/2008 11:11

Inthegutter - Good points. My DP works 3 days a week and we live very comfortably. We are lucky to have been able to pay off our mortgage and we have sufficient savings to get us through a few years of reduced income if necessary. DP very supportive but he likes his work and would not want to give it up and if he did want to I feel it should be to pursue his thing.

OP posts:
Acinonyx · 03/01/2008 11:14

It's different at different places. I was given 2 tickets - I gave them to a friend so her gran could go. I really didn't care about going myself - but it has always niggled at me that my parents didn't want to go. My mother's reaction was 'what is it - it's just a ceremony isn't it?'. They were not really into education - and perhaps that's why I like the idea of a mum enjoying education for it's own sake - I really do think it creates a good atmosphere for the kids.

pointydog · 03/01/2008 11:14

yes, inthegutter has raised teh main possible points against, I think

Original poster
Swedes2Turnips1 · 03/01/2008 11:15

It would be totally self-financed - we would not qualify for any help.

OP posts:
Niecie · 03/01/2008 11:15

They don't all have to be mutually exclusive. You could start a business and study at the same time if you really wanted to. Depends how much energy you have!

I am studying psychology because I want to at the moment as the course I am taking doesn't really lead to a job, it isn't training for anything. But on the other hand, I don't think any studying is wasted and you never know what avenues it will open. It might be for fun and then lead to all sort of possibilities you hadn't previously thought of.

nimnom · 03/01/2008 11:16

No, absolutely not. I'm studying for my first degree with the ou. I have two boys 2 & 5 and if I didn't have my studies I'd go completely insane.
Go for it.

lucyellensmum · 03/01/2008 11:16

i know what you mean shiney, i have two lovely degrees, sitting in envelopes somewhere in my house. I would like to have the time to go to the gym too

Swede, my personal issue with hobby study would be the motivation to stick with it when the going gets tough if you see what i mean, it is easy to have selective memory about study, it is bloody tough. I think i were to do a course just for my own benefit i would probably not do it at degree level. But that is me, and i have motivation issues Saying that, my uni (i say mine because i went there and it is just up the hill!) offer lots of part time courses at a level that would be of interest but there is not the pressure that comes with doing a degree.

I certainly dont think that the sort of people to do a course of study just for personal development would be the "kept woman, lady what lunches type". Do they really exist?? Not on mumsnet i am sure, we are all (well mostly) parents are we not? Chosing the route of being the primary carer for children and therefore staying at home, is far from the leisurely lifestyle the phrase "kept woman" implies. I personally have had a belly full of study, however i did gain sooo much from both of my degrees. Even though i have never used them professionally, my personal development has benefited no end and i believe it also affects my parenting.

Original poster
Swedes2Turnips1 · 03/01/2008 11:18

Niecie - very true. I am quite high on energy - I only wane when I am bored.

OP posts:
Acinonyx · 03/01/2008 11:19

Crikey - you've paid off your mortgage faints. Well, then, get thee to a library....

Original poster
Swedes2Turnips1 · 03/01/2008 11:21

I find the less I have to do the less I do. I can make doing absolutely nothing last a whole day. I perform best under pressure. Does anyone else find that?

OP posts:
Acinonyx · 03/01/2008 11:23

Definitley. I can do absolutely nothing for a very long time and feel exhausted at the end of it. I need some pressure - but it's getting the balance. I'm a bit over-pressured this year, really.

Acinonyx · 03/01/2008 11:23

Definitley. I can do absolutely nothing for a very long time and feel exhausted at the end of it. I need some pressure - but it's getting the balance. I'm a bit over-pressured this year, really.

newnamefornewyearbookwormmum · 03/01/2008 11:32

Haven't read all the posts but surely the degree is the important thing, not the mortar board? . They're a sod to keep on your head anyway. It's like trying to walk with a book on your head like in old deportment lessons. They don't wear boards at Scottish universities either so don't feel left out.

I'm sure you can borrow a hat for the pictures if you want to wear one - the scroll you hold in the pics isn't real. Mine was a plastic prop!!

ninedragons · 03/01/2008 11:39

Do it. It's great for your brain. My dad is 74 and has been studying part-time for at least 50-something years. He has over 20 degrees - French, engineering, history, law, you name it, he's done it.

He's still sharp as a tack, although has a bizarrely specific and stubborn confusion between sweet potatoes and truffles.