to want to study some more?

[Swedes2Turnips1]

I am a Bachelor of Laws and have a postgraduate journalism qualificaton. I also have 4 (very lovely) children: 5 months, 2 years, one just joined senior school and one about to sit GCSEs. I really fancy studying philosophy. Would it be terribly selfish?

Xenia - I'm sure you are right and that your sister will mellow in time. Not many parents, unless they are really very hard up, require their student children to pay rent and board during university holidays.

However, I think that there is an argument for requiring adult children to contribute to family life in whatever way is possible for them, given their financial circumstances. My parents were always incredibly welcoming during holidays but expected us to keep our rooms tidy, do our own ironing and help with cooking, especially if there were visitors over. I remember my mother hated taking her car for its MOT equivalent (different country) and I would do that for her, or I would clear out the shed in the garden or clean the silver during the holidays.

Yes, I agree and my son is brilliant. He makes dinner for his brothers every night. His sisters aren't as they're always out when they're here and they're different personalities but we seem to have a reasonable balance. On fault - it feels like the more at fault someone is like my ex the more then benefit on divorce, not the other way around. Doesn't matter how much children might want to see a father if he chooses never to see them the law is fine with that in the UK. In other words parents have rights to contact children but not vice versa. Someone can even get a court order saying he can see them every weekend and then cancel every weekend for a year and not be penalised. Contact can be entirely take it or leave it.

I was at a tea party yesterday afternoon talking to a woman about her divorce and thought about you, Xenia.

This woman chucked her husband out after 10 years of children and 15 years of marriage because he literally did nothing all day - sat about the house while the maid did all the housework and childcare and his wife was out slaving over a hot keyboard in a consulting firm. He actually tried to get alimony out of her - but failed since she fortunately had very good records of all the people she had employed in domestic service at home to back up the fact that he hadn't lifted a finger...

In the UK lazy housewives or househusbands get alimony. In fact if the wife or husband gives up work even if they have staff they are more likely to be paid alimony than if they carried on working during the marriage so they can maintain things as before and indeed pay for their own staff to continue to clean etc for them after marriage as was the case before. You are asked to write down what you spend - hair dressers, nails etc and low spending careful spouses therefore often get less than those who wasted their partner's money during a marriage.

I am just thinking of signing up for Oxford - part-time and I have a part-time job with a 2 year old son. I am scared witless that I won't be able to cope with the pressure. How HARD is it really, or am I worrying about nothing???
HELPPPPPPPPPPP Having second thoughts!

totally devoted to studying and am starting cim in september despite being due to drop sprog number two in dec - go for it.

Hmmm, so many judgements are being passed around here, not very pleasant. I am out of here.

in answer to the op.. not at all.. I've just signed up with the OU to do another degree .. I love learning so go for it

sorry, i haven't read all the thread cause i got bored when it got bitchy.

BUT... as a child of two parents who both had decent careers/jobs before i and my brother came along and BOTH retrained for different careers later in life i have to say that this was VERY good for me and my brother.

you have to think about your children not just when they're small but about their attitudes and values as they grow into young adults and both my brother and I learned from our parents that it's never to late to retrain that you CAN do what you want to do if you work hard and that education can lead you to where you want to go.