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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have got angry with sister over the state of her house?

183 replies

ThreePac · 23/02/2022 20:05

Last year my sister came over to my house and suddenly burst into tears saying she was sick of her house being a shithole. She’s never been houseproud but to be honest her house has got gradually worse over the years, nothing gets redecorated , stained carpets don’t get cleaned, walls don’t get washed or repainted, broken stuff doesn’t get replaced … but I’ve never said anything as she seemed happy living like that and it wasn’t my place to question it. She was so upset and kept going on about how she loved my house but can’t seem to recreate it herself. So, I offered to help her do it up. We spent months repainting, buying replacement doors to replace the ones with holes in etc!! We recarpeted (money was never the issue) and I went around shops with her picking on out rugs, cushions, curtains, vases, mirrors etc … you name it. We completely redid her house and it took months of hard work. It looked beautiful when we’d finished and she loved it, I was so happy for her. She was posting photos on social media and everything.

I’ve not been to her house since last September.

She invited me over today. Walking into the kitchen one of the cupboard doors was hanging off and there was food splattered all over the walls and used tea bags just splattered onto the work tops. The house stunk of poo and wee from the dog … she said “look at this, you’ll love it” and took me to the living room. She’d pulled all her furniture out and given the entire room to the dog. There was stains all over the carpet and just a dog bed in the middle of the room. She’d put all her living room furniture into the dining room squashing the dining table up against the wall. I said “what the fuck have you done?” And she replied “given the dog his own room so that I dont get the rest of the house messy!” The fucking living room???!! I spent weeks decorating that for her. I’m livid. I ended up telling her “THIS is why your house never looks nice! You don’t look after stuff and make stupid decisions!” She got defensive and said it was her house and she could live however she wants. I replied “yes, but don’t ask me to help you with it ever again”.

Obviously we’re now not talking. Yes it’s her house but why let me spend months trying to make it look nice for her if she prefers it being a shithole???

OP posts:
Bryonny84 · 23/02/2022 21:10

Has your sister given the dog its own room so she can shut the door on it and forget about it? If that is the case then eventually the dog will turn, it will become bored and aggressive and then a danger. Priority is re-home the dog then she can sort out her other issues. Maybe you could help her with this?

middleofthelittle · 23/02/2022 21:10

Please report to the RSPCA or Encourage her to give up the dog. That's who I'm most worried about in this.

Your sister sounds unwell, and if she's not then she's just a dirty sod and will always be like that. I feel for her children.

Do not spend anymore time or money sorting this.

But please help the dog who has no voice

CityMumma78 · 23/02/2022 21:12

I’m not surprised you’re furious!!! Your sister sounds completely bonkers.

Riverlee · 23/02/2022 21:12

Firstly, you are a lovely sister in spending all the time helping your sister redecorate and improve her house. I can understand how disappointed and let down you must feel.

I can’t compute how someone with ‘money no object’ can let their house deteriorate so quickly. There’s one thing being slightly untidy, but there’s another being unclean. It’s ironic the dog has his own room to stop the rest of the house messy.

middleofthelittle · 23/02/2022 21:14

@ThreePac

Regarding the dog - it has full run of the house during the day but sleeps in the ex- living room on a night and when they go out. It is mostly housetrained so goes in the garden for toilet but still often pisses and shits in the house on a night. Another relative reported her to RSPCA and they did go around but didn’t do anything as the dog is well fed, warm and dry. It’s not illegal to not walk your dog.
No not illegal, but lazy and cruel
Riverlee · 23/02/2022 21:14

“ Has your sister given the dog its own room so she can shut the door on it”.

I wondered this also. She’s not coping with the dog so moved it to his own room.

Piggyk2 · 23/02/2022 21:15

@Donotgogentle

This doesn’t sound . . . normal. Presumably there are other issues going on with your sister?
Exactly. It was nice of OP to help decorate but clearly a bit of paint isn't the core issue here!
lborgia · 23/02/2022 21:15

OMG the lack of insight and empathy is revolting.

I understand the OP feeling angry after all the work she put in, but seriously, did she really not have a clue that there were bigger issues here?

No one is JUST lazy. No one. How can you have known your own sister all these years, and not realise she has some kind of issues.

If she wasn't always liked this, something was a trigger, if she had always been this way, why had no one tried to get her help? Why would you think buying fucking vases would fix everything?

Completely bloody clueless.

alexdgr8 · 23/02/2022 21:16

is this for real.
or are you having a larrrff ??

Original poster
ThreePac · 23/02/2022 21:16

@middleofthelittle I agree! I was just saying what the RSPCA said. I bought the dog a front clip harness to lessen the pulling but she thought it was cruel and hurting his legs

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 23/02/2022 21:17

I would call Social Services. Children should not be living in that filth. How disgusting.

Original poster
ThreePac · 23/02/2022 21:19

@lborgia

OMG the lack of insight and empathy is revolting.

I understand the OP feeling angry after all the work she put in, but seriously, did she really not have a clue that there were bigger issues here?

No one is JUST lazy. No one. How can you have known your own sister all these years, and not realise she has some kind of issues.

If she wasn't always liked this, something was a trigger, if she had always been this way, why had no one tried to get her help? Why would you think buying fucking vases would fix everything?

Completely bloody clueless.

As I said, she’s always been like it and people have tried to help her!! She laughs and thinks it’s funny! The only time she’s ever said she was unhappy with it was when she came to my house last year and I immediately offered to help. She refuses to acknowledge that anything else is wrong with her so what are people meant to do? I can’t force her to see a doctor
OP posts:
MissMaple82 · 23/02/2022 21:20

Dogs don't make a house messy, humans do. She has serious issues. I don't think she's fit to be responsible for an animal either!

LightSpeeds · 23/02/2022 21:21

Her priorities and 'way of living' are different to yours and you probably thought that once she had a nice place she'd keep it nice.

I have learnt this lesson several times already with my kids. If they don't keep their room nice before it's decorated, they won't keep it nice after it's decorated.

MissMaple82 · 23/02/2022 21:21

I'd report her to some sort of animal welfare.

theleafandnotthetree · 23/02/2022 21:22

No surprises that the thread descends into worries about the dog (however legitimate they may be) - what about the 15 and 17 year old who have scarcely been mentioned. Maybe they should grow a tail and learn to bark and then people would be all over it Hmm

MissMaple82 · 23/02/2022 21:22

It's morally wrong and in my opinion abusive! Encourage her to rehome the poor thing. She sound hidious

MissMaple82 · 23/02/2022 21:25

Mainly because I care more for animals than I do humans. Teenagers can look after themselves, if there were issues evident in them social would be involved through school. Teebs dont need a human to exercise them for mental stimulation! The teens aren't confined to a shitty room!

UnsuitableHat · 23/02/2022 21:25

Well it's her house and all that, but your feelings are definitely understandable!

GreenClock · 23/02/2022 21:25

I agree that she has MH issues OP. This is not normal. As soon as you said that she cried when she visited I suspected health problems and the rest of your first post and your updates have solidified that for me. I’m not sure what you can do other than keep lines of communications open.

HollaHolla · 23/02/2022 21:30

I had quite a significant depressive episode last year. My house became awful. It was just me there through the lockdowns, I hated myself, and found it overwhelming. I’ve still not managed to get completely on top of it, but it’s getting there. I find it a really difficult thing to do when my mental health is poor. Yet, my little bit of garden is immaculate. I look after it every couple of days. Weird, isn’t it? Maybe she us also struggling like that?

EeeICouldRipATissue · 23/02/2022 21:31

I've put YABU as you have no idea how she's coping.
It doesn't sound like she is?
Bullet holes in the doors etc, sounds like the teenagers are being little shits as well and it can all get on top of you.
It's not always as easy as "just keep it tidy then! ''

metersmart · 23/02/2022 21:35

There doesn't necessarily mean someone has other issues going on because they can't look after their house. Some people are just bone idle and lazy. My family member is exactly the same. Nothing wrong with them at all, money isn't a issue they are just too lazy to clean up after themselves or replace things that need replacing. They don't even put sheets or covers on the bed. 3 times other members of the family have gone in to help but it's goes straight back to being a shit tip.

Sometimes there isn't an excuse and people don't always need to have something else going on.

fruitbrewhaha · 23/02/2022 21:37

She just sound like a dick OP. Laughing and her kids throwing food around? I'd keep my distance.

TheCurrywurstPrion · 23/02/2022 21:37

You sound like a lovely sister.