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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have got angry with sister over the state of her house?

183 replies

ThreePac · 23/02/2022 20:05

Last year my sister came over to my house and suddenly burst into tears saying she was sick of her house being a shithole. She’s never been houseproud but to be honest her house has got gradually worse over the years, nothing gets redecorated , stained carpets don’t get cleaned, walls don’t get washed or repainted, broken stuff doesn’t get replaced … but I’ve never said anything as she seemed happy living like that and it wasn’t my place to question it. She was so upset and kept going on about how she loved my house but can’t seem to recreate it herself. So, I offered to help her do it up. We spent months repainting, buying replacement doors to replace the ones with holes in etc!! We recarpeted (money was never the issue) and I went around shops with her picking on out rugs, cushions, curtains, vases, mirrors etc … you name it. We completely redid her house and it took months of hard work. It looked beautiful when we’d finished and she loved it, I was so happy for her. She was posting photos on social media and everything.

I’ve not been to her house since last September.

She invited me over today. Walking into the kitchen one of the cupboard doors was hanging off and there was food splattered all over the walls and used tea bags just splattered onto the work tops. The house stunk of poo and wee from the dog … she said “look at this, you’ll love it” and took me to the living room. She’d pulled all her furniture out and given the entire room to the dog. There was stains all over the carpet and just a dog bed in the middle of the room. She’d put all her living room furniture into the dining room squashing the dining table up against the wall. I said “what the fuck have you done?” And she replied “given the dog his own room so that I dont get the rest of the house messy!” The fucking living room???!! I spent weeks decorating that for her. I’m livid. I ended up telling her “THIS is why your house never looks nice! You don’t look after stuff and make stupid decisions!” She got defensive and said it was her house and she could live however she wants. I replied “yes, but don’t ask me to help you with it ever again”.

Obviously we’re now not talking. Yes it’s her house but why let me spend months trying to make it look nice for her if she prefers it being a shithole???

OP posts:
A580Hojas · 23/02/2022 20:40

Houses can be clean and habitable (just not show homes) without a lot of work. Aren't you worried about her mental health/understanding of normal?

Original poster
ThreePac · 23/02/2022 20:41

@FactyFrances

I'm worried about the dog. Does no one take it out for walks?!
No because it’s too strong, hasn’t been trained and nobody can hold it back other than the 21 year old and he’s always working.

She refuses to put a collar on it or anything that would help with the pulling (like a front clip harness) as she thinks it’s cruel. She’ll only allow it to be walked on a back clip harness which makes it impossible for anyone to walk safely

OP posts:
LadyPropane · 23/02/2022 20:42

Sounds like something else is going on. This isn't normal.

Besides, if money isn't an issue, wouldn't she just get a cleaner?

Is she coping in general with life? How is her mental health?

Original poster
ThreePac · 23/02/2022 20:43

@A580Hojas

Houses can be clean and habitable (just not show homes) without a lot of work. Aren't you worried about her mental health/understanding of normal?
She’s always been like this, it’s why her husband left her. He’d come home from work to find the kids chucking takeaway food at each other and trying to get pizza to stick to the ceiling etc and she’d be laughing along with them.
OP posts:
UserWithNoUserName · 23/02/2022 20:44

She clearly has bigger issues. I doubt she wants to live like that.

grapewine · 23/02/2022 20:45

She's clearly unwell. A room for the dog so she doesn't have to bother with it? Does this means it shits inside?

And there are children there. Yuck. I'd hope someone reported this. It's gross and unhygienic.

ForeverSingle881 · 23/02/2022 20:48

Wow completely abnormal, something is very wrong.

TheDoctorDances · 23/02/2022 20:48

I can’t blame you for wanting to go NC after this.

I’ve recently helped out a relative in a similar way. Spent six hours cleaning. Went back two weeks later and it was like I’d never been, they’d not washed a single dish except when needed, or put a load of laundry on.

I’ve given up helping and will only meet them outside of their home. No good deed goes unpunished.

CaMePlaitPas · 23/02/2022 20:48

Well she's clearly not the full two bob is she OP? You did something lovely, I understand you're angry and disappointed but it's her choice to live in chaos. Leave her be now.

ForeverSingle881 · 23/02/2022 20:49

YANBU to be upset but if you can make up, can you strongly suggest therapy? This is impacting her ability to parent and sounds like it helped end her marriage

ZooKeeper19 · 23/02/2022 20:52

I knew someone like this (and I have been that person redecorating, yes, it sucks big time). Massive MH issues. No it is not normal, your sister needs help but you cannot help her, she has to want to be helped.

DrDetriment · 23/02/2022 20:53

The dog needs to be removed from her 'care' as not walking it and keeping it inside to poo and wee on the carpet is animal abuse. She sounds very unwell OP.

bellac11 · 23/02/2022 20:53

Have you referred to the RSPCA?

Totalwasteofpaper · 23/02/2022 20:55

That poor poor dog. Sad

I'd be putting a lot of distance between myself and my sister

Bagelsandbrie · 23/02/2022 20:55

She genuinely sounds like she needs mental health support.

FuckThatBullshit · 23/02/2022 20:57

I think going no contact is a bit harsh unless there are other things you have fallen out over OP but definitely don't spend your own time or money on helping her again. If she's laughing at her children throwing food on the ceiling - not to mention the other absolutely disgusting things you've mentioned - there are either mental health issues going on or she's one of those people who is happy to live in squalor. Unfortunately some people just can't live functionally. She is what she is.

Sarahcoggles · 23/02/2022 20:58

I’d be contacting the RSPCA

whynotwhatknot · 23/02/2022 20:58

Sorry im more concerned about the dog-it doesnt get walked because noone can handle it so it just stays indoors and shits in there

the throwing food around isnt normal either but as the dc are adults now not much you can do about that

report to the rspca

Birthdaygirl1210 · 23/02/2022 21:02

@DrDetriment

The dog needs to be removed from her 'care' as not walking it and keeping it inside to poo and wee on the carpet is animal abuse. She sounds very unwell OP.
This ^

If you can’t help your sister then help the dog - you know this isn’t normal or acceptable- and possibly dangerous if it’s a big strong dog not getting any exercise or stimulation- will eventually snap.
Your sister has mental health problems - try to think what you can do to help her get help

TracyMosby · 23/02/2022 21:03

Have the dog removed.
She clearly has done issues. No diagnosis ever?

duvetdayforeveryone · 23/02/2022 21:04

YABU. A leopard doesn't change it's spots and you knew what your sister's personality was like before the make-over.

However, helping your sister was extremely kind of you and you should be proud of yourself trying to improve her life :)

HeyEwe · 23/02/2022 21:05

Why do people always suggest the person must be depressed, a few posts in it starts. She has a dog and sounds like she doesn't clean much, add 3 kids into the mix of course it's going to be a sty. She sounds lazy not depressed. It's a shame you wasted your time, some people just can't be bothered to clean.

duvetdayforeveryone · 23/02/2022 21:05

And definitely get the dog removed. The dog deserves better.

Original poster
ThreePac · 23/02/2022 21:05

Regarding the dog - it has full run of the house during the day but sleeps in the ex- living room on a night and when they go out. It is mostly housetrained so goes in the garden for toilet but still often pisses and shits in the house on a night. Another relative reported her to RSPCA and they did go around but didn’t do anything as the dog is well fed, warm and dry. It’s not illegal to not walk your dog.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 23/02/2022 21:06

I agree that she doesn’t seem well.

I’ve been through this with my mum and totally understand why you’re angry and frustrated. Try not to take it personally. She hasn’t done this to upset you. She’s just not looking after herself very well. That’s what she probably needs help to recognise. Cleaning the house again is just a sticking plaster.