To find visiting my inlaws such a waste of time

[littlepieces]

I find going to my inlaws such a chore. DP always wants to go for the whole weekend when we go (Friday night to late Sunday night). He's really close with his family and their idea of spending time together is sitting on the sofa for three days watching football/F1/tennis or whatever sport is on. I just have to sit there going along with it, bored out of my mind, when I've got x100 other things I could be doing and would rather be doing. I'd also quite like a rest. His parents aren't the worst people, but not particularly enjoyable company either. MIL is hard work to talk to. She doesn't have any interests apart from TV, how great she is, and gossiping judgementally about her 'friends' and people she knows. I find it so draining, AIBU?

My parents live a couple of hours away but I'd never take DP to stay because everyone would get on top of each other and I appreciate DP wants to enjoy some of his weekend.

I know I only have to grin and bear this once every few months, but I really resent it and always come home feeling weirdly exhausted from doing nothing, and irritable with DP. Any advice on getting through these weekends better?

Do you have to go? Could you not just stay at home?
Or could you arrange to go out somewhere? If you have children, it could be a child-related activity. If not, something you enjoy. You could invite DH's family.
Alternatively, could you just go for 1 night?

Send him on his own. My dh doesn't come with me to my Dad's, it doesn't bother me

Sounds similar to mine. Cna you suggest some locaL places you're desperate to visit or what anoht sat night out at the pub just the two ofnyou?

I was with you OP until you said it’s once every few months. That’s really infrequent. I’ve only read the first page of replies but a lot of pps must have missed that but I think.

Suck it up and find ways to make the best of it. Say you’re doing a step challenge and go out for a long walk, think of stuff you could plan on your phone while they’re watching the telly, your next holiday etc.

You call him DP so you're not married I presume? And no kids? Good to both if so, because it would be so much easier for you to leave him before you have children.

Unless you want to live like this for the rest of your entire life? I'd get out now. Either that, or you need to sit him down and explain to him this his parents are inhospitable, don't want to talk to you, and you are miserable there and won't be going there ever again (except maybe for Christmases or very important do's). If you're only his girlfriend and not actually married, you have no point to even going or being there.

The point is, you are choosing to live like this, and you either do something to change it (ie stop going and make your boyfriend realise you are utterly fucking miserable going there) or leave him. I'd personally, have a talk, tell him his parents make no effort with you, you are bored out of your mind there, you are miserable there and you will no longer go at all. If he still further refuses to see it from your point of view, I'd leave him since I have no legal ties and no children ties with him, because marrying into this shit show and having children in the mix is a disaster when you are miserable already as you are. Life is too short. Put your big girl pants on and choose how you want to live. Don't ever do what you don't want to do, or go where you don't want to go. You have one life, and it's fucking short as it is, so make that change.

@eastegg

I was with you OP until you said it’s once every few months. That’s really infrequent. I’ve only read the first page of replies but a lot of pps must have missed that but I think.

Suck it up and find ways to make the best of it. Say you’re doing a step challenge and go out for a long walk, think of stuff you could plan on your phone while they’re watching the telly, your next holiday etc.

@eastegg Spending an entire weekend every few months is hardly 'infrequent'. It sounds quite excessive to me, I wouldn't be spending an entire weekend where I was miserable every 3 months! Stuff that for a joke! And she doesn't have to 'suck it up' because she doesn't make him go with her to her parents, so why should she have to 'suck it up' every 3 months? That's ridiculous. Once or twice a year maybe, but every 3 months?? Fuck that. Even more so if they're not married and have no children, then really she has no need to even go there.

This is another "don't like my in-laws" post right? I expect they already know. Maybe they don't like you either but don't want to say. Other posters suggest you don't always go. Take up badminton or visiting the sick + only see your in laws for ceremonial family occasions. Keep your visits short and cheerful. I'm sure everyone will secretly be relieved.

Blimey right if they won't go out then that's it really either you go out and do a few outings whilst there or work out with DH the shortened visit. If he won't have that then it's not unreasonable to not go or go every other maybe if you still want to see them occasionally.
I can't believe your DH just sits there for hours as well! He obviously enjoys the TV based sports weekend so just let him go alone.

My parents are like this. 1. i don't stay all weekend, there are things I need to do. 2. I don't take my husband with me and 3. I always find something I can do in the area to cut the visit shorter. They are two hours away. It's every 3-6 months for us.

He obviously enjoys the TV based sports weekend

This is the thing that would have me thinking very seriously about the relationship.

People often get less adventurous as they get older, retreating into safe and familiar habits and patterns. If your DP is happy to spend a day cabbaging in front of the TV as a relatively young man, what is he going to be like at 50, 60, 70?

I am not someone who could live with a man who spent his time like that. Many other women wouldn't mind, but for me it would be a real issue to consider.

I know that my DH would (like me) be climbing the walls at spending a weekend like this, and that's part of what makes us compatible.

I feel the same going to my PIL. They don't live too far but we go for one night as my SO and I don't have a car (living in a European city centre and his parents live some 20km out so the last bus back is quite early).

I like his parents, but they're a bit closed minded and very much set in their ways so when we go there, we eat in silence - his parents aren't the type to have a slow meal and chat. Also 'dinner' is at 13:00 at the latest.

And then we usually spend allllllll of Saturday in front of the TV watching some movies. I'm a person that really can't handle more than 2 movies in a row so I find it challenging. It's also strange to me that they rarely ask about us/our lives as people. His dad will tell us his stories, his mum will complain about something in the news but they rarely ask about our jobs, etc so it isn't exactly engaging conversation.

It's kind of like, it's not bad or horrible by any means but if we spend most of Saturday there and half of Sunday, I feel like my weekend is gone and I'm not particularly relaxed yknow? If they want to go out for Sunday lunch, it is one of three of the same restaurants and honestly these restaurants are pretty mediocre and I hate going to a restaurant where everyone goes fully quiet to just eat and we're in and out within an hour. What's the rush?!

Bit of a ramble, but I completely get how you feel.