They believe the lies and by the time they find out/accept the truth they feel too deep in (sunk costs fallacy)
My exes 2nd wife was my friend formerly and the ow. She swallowed his bullshit hook line and sinker even with me telling her the truth while we were still together and before I suspected the affair
Once it all blew up he fed her and his family bullshit about contact and maintenance - when I found out I gave them the evidence otherwise and he was in the shit for a while but she was heavily pregnant by this point having got pregnant while he was still with me (would have happened before I even suspected)
She was also quite young/immature which I think is a factor.
On here we sometimes get threads posted by a new girlfriend asking for advice on how she can help her partner her contact with his kids...
What usually then transpires is that he hasn't seen the dc for years, isn't paying cm and hasn't bothered to even try going to court for contact!
That or the thread gets deleted for "privacy concerns" (usually once the majority of responses have pointed out they only have one side of the story and many pps have asked "has he gone to court?" "Does he pay maintenance" etc
Sometimes they'll believe they can change them or the "crazy ex" crap etc
I suppose I just feel like if I were the partner to someone with a 'psycho ex' I'd say. "Oh, that's terrible, she destroyed all your court paperw? let's save up for new lawyers."
"Oh, she just spends the money? Let's set up a direct debit for school dinners." Or something.
I wouldn't even stay that long!
Decent, kind considerate men don't treat their responsibilities as a father like this. They pay maintenance, they make the effort to get contact even if they're facing resistance all of which can easily be proved.
If I meet for potential dating purposes anyone that gives it "crazy ex" or deadbeat dad vibes I'm outta there!
It's a shame more women aren't like this as it might have an effect on the men or at the very least mean more children aren't made to suffer their neglectful behaviour
Some actually prefer the deadbeat dad, as they don't particularly want to deal with stepchildren so the lack of relationship/expense is a bonus.
Yep seen that too in real life - and then they're SURPRISED and outraged when they have dc with them and they split and he's the exact same to their dc!
Exes 2nd wife is at least somewhat wise to that but it means she is staying in a miserable marriage with a serial cheat because she is afraid if they split her kids would be treated the same by him as he has dd (no contact for years, rarely paid maintenance etc)
There was no indication he would be like this while I was with him he used to be vocally anti deadbeat and was the child of a 2nd marriage himself and his dad was a good father and ex to his ex wife and their kids so it was hardly the example he was set!
I do think a HUGE problem is how fast people move in relationships now! Far far too many threads where they're moving in together when they've KNOWN each other less than 2 years/1 year/even 6 months - what's the fucking rush?!
Especially terrible decision to make if you already have children in the home you can't POSSIBLY know how they really get along that early! And frankly NO boyfriend/girlfriend should even be meeting dc until at least 6 months in and even then very gradually
Then they're financials tangled together and it's harder to split - ridiculous!
I don't think most people tend to interrogate people when they date them
Usually no interrogation required. They usually reveal themselves anyway! - if you know what to look out for.
I do think red flags in relationships should be taught in schools as well as what a healthy relationship looks like
Also how many times do we read on here of shitty husbands/partners "he's a good dad though" 🙄