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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Did you have your toddler at nursery whilst you were on Maternity leave with newborn ?

154 replies

garryboy · 22/02/2022 20:50

Just that really. Is that what people tend to do ? I was talking to a child minder about this and she kind of laughed at me and said ' well you're going to have two kids love, you'll have to look after them both together at some point '. I found this an intriguing response..

OP posts:

Wowcherarestalkingme · 22/02/2022 20:52

Yes for a number of reasons. Mainly because that was his routine and I didn’t want to disturb it but also because I needed that time to deal with the new one, even if just a few hours a day. It worked out well for us as my youngest was in the NICU for the first month and I didn’t have to stress about childcare for my eldest at the same time. Odd comment from your childminder to be honest, I wouldnt take any notice

SameToo · 22/02/2022 20:53

She sounds like a twat. I’ve not had to do it myself, but if I were in that situation I’d have the toddler in nursery at least 50% of the week. They get play and interaction without you tying yourself in knots trying to look after both. Also why break their routine? It’ll be shook up enough with a baby arriving without then not being able to see their friends.

Newmumatlast · 22/02/2022 20:53

I am having my second and will have my child attend nursery still. She doesn't go every day usually my parents look after her around nursery and I also work part time. However I pay for nursery and I do it so she gets socialisation with others so she will still go. Childminder sounds rude.

SameToo · 22/02/2022 20:53

Christ, sorry that should say they’ll not it’ll

IdrisElbow · 22/02/2022 20:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

OinkyO · 22/02/2022 20:54

That's so rude! You do what you want.

Sexnotgender · 22/02/2022 20:54

Yes absolutely.

He loved nursery, it kept his world constant.

And gave me one on one time with my newborn.

Kitkat151 · 22/02/2022 20:55

My daughter sent her older DD when DGD2 was born, as she was getting her 30 free hours....she used them over 4 days

CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 22/02/2022 20:57

Due to have DC2 in a few weeks and DC1 will still be going to nursery. It'll be nice to have a couple of days where it's just the newborn and hopefully catch up on jobs/sleep and DD loves nursery, she'd miss it if she didn't go, keeps some structure for her too when she's got a new baby to adjust to.

Original poster

garryboy · 22/02/2022 20:58

Thanks for opinions all!

Yeah I don't know this child minder well, I was kind of interviewing her when she made the comment. It didn't make me feel great, but what can you do.

OP posts:

masha17 · 22/02/2022 20:58

I did, I reduced toddler's days slightly to make it more affordable. I felt it was important for my toddler to keep his routine & to continue to benefit from nursery. Important for me and new baby to bond and for new baby to have time with me like first born did. I don't think it would have been much fun for my toddler to leave nursery when the baby arrived, his life changed enough.

CurlsandCurves · 22/02/2022 20:58

Yes, for the same reasons everyone else has said.

He loved it, got to be with his friends, kept his usual routine, etc.

And if I could grab some sleep while the newborn slept during the day, or it meant I could stay in bed while DH took the eldest to nursery before work, then I was a better and nicer person to be around for everyone in the family.

Porcupineintherough · 22/02/2022 20:58

No. He was jealous enough as it was, he needed to be at home with me.

TheOldLadyOfThreadneedleStreet · 22/02/2022 20:59

DC1 was 3.8 when his DC2 was born. DC1 kept on going to nursery 3 days a week throughout my mat leave. DC1 wanted to, it gave me time with DC2 and was sensible to keep DC1 in routine. Had DC1 been younger I might have reduced his nursery days but as he was due to start school soon after my mat leave ended, I really didn’t want to get him used to being at home nearly all the time. I did take him into nursery a bit later and pick him up a bit earlier than I did when I was at work though!

fullofpips · 22/02/2022 20:59

Is "an intriguing response" a nice way of saying she's a judgemental, patronising twit?

No experience but I absolutely would. It would let you have bonding time and keep your toddler in a routine, even if you cut down a day or two due to mat pay.

N4ish · 22/02/2022 21:00

Yes, I did this. It was really important to keep the continuity of nursery going for my DD and also gave me much needed one on one time with my newborn.

MimiSunshine · 22/02/2022 21:00

She’s an arse. Your oldest would be in childcare for a day (or more) not given up for adoption. You’d look after them both together plenty.

Oh and yes, my eldest still went to nursery.

Chessie678 · 22/02/2022 21:00

I’m planning to keep DS in nursery 3 days per week. His nursery is brilliant and they do so many activities which I wouldn’t be able to replicate with a newborn in tow. He also loves it and I wouldn’t want to lose his place. It will also give me the chance to go to a few classes etc with the newborn. I’ll still have 4 days per week with DS so will get plenty of experience dealing with both together!

Most people I know do this but obviously it’s expensive when you’re not working.

GougeAway · 22/02/2022 21:00

Most people I knew did this (3 year age gap popular for this very reason, free 15 hours as was when mine were small). My oldest was 2.10 when DC2 was born so she just did two full nursery days a week. Loved putting my feet up and have long, lazy feeds with new baby. Why would you not?

sleepsuit · 22/02/2022 21:01

Yes absolutely, for many reasons.

Firstly, I didn't want to break toddlers routine. He LOVES nursery and his key worker. Secondly he needed a constant with so much change at home. Thirdly, if I took him out to save money the there would be no guarantee he'd get a place once again when I return to work. Lastly it gave me much needed one on one time with my new baby, helping us to establish routines and most importantly to rest!

CorpusCallosum · 22/02/2022 21:01

Yes! About to have DC2 and DD will absolutely still be in nursery. In fact I'm upping her days from 3 to 4. I know I'll need that time to recover physically and emotionally from giving birth and doing the baby stage again. Happily/luckily we have the resources to give me that time. It will be better for all of us if I'm less stressed!

The childminders comment to you was not kind.

HeyItsPickleRick · 22/02/2022 21:02

Mine goes 4 times a week. He is almost 2 and youngest is a newborn. My reasons are:

this is my last mat leave and I want to enjoy it, not be frazzled
continuity for him (he was there 5 days a week before mat leave) given new baby has already brought change
not to lose nursery place
baby gets at least 40% of one on one attention the eldest got
he is very high energy and I struggle alone with 2! My eldest (now 13) was a very chilled child, this one is something else entirely and it's a challenge to look after them both safely, meet their needs and my own. I end up avoid liquids as I struggle to go to the loo!

He is stimulated and safe at nursery and it fits into our budget.

SmallOrFarAway · 22/02/2022 21:02

We had to otherwise we'd have lost the nursery place. DS went 3 times per week as that was what I'd previously worked and when baby was born we upped it to 5 times for a few weeks as baby was such hard work with not feeding, allergies, reflux etc. I think if you can afford it and the toddler enjoys it then why not, not anybody's business!

switswoo81 · 22/02/2022 21:03

No I didn't because I didn't have to pay for when she wasn't there and the savings paid for an extra two months at home with both of them.

mswales · 22/02/2022 21:04

Yes definitely, my 4 year old is using his 30 hours going four days a week

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