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Original poster

Did you have your toddler at nursery whilst you were on Maternity leave with newborn ?

154 replies

garryboy · 22/02/2022 20:50

Just that really. Is that what people tend to do ? I was talking to a child minder about this and she kind of laughed at me and said ' well you're going to have two kids love, you'll have to look after them both together at some point '. I found this an intriguing response..

OP posts:
SBAM · 22/02/2022 21:04

Yes, we kept DC1 at nursery, it saved my sanity (until the first covid lockdown, worst 10 weeks of my life with a badly sleeping, refluxing baby and a potty training toddler who’d just dropped her nap and we couldn’t even go to the park).
She got focused age appropriate stimulation and to play with her friends, and I got time to rest, nap and prioritise DC2 for a few hours a week.

QueenLagertha · 22/02/2022 21:05

Pay no heed OP she sounds like a tit. DC3 due in April and DS will be going to nursery three days as normal. As others have said important to keep their routine, socialisation, so you can have some 1:1 time with the baby. Also I don't want to lose his place.

APurpleSquirrel · 22/02/2022 21:05

Yes, & in fact I increased DDs time at nursery from 3 days to 4. DS deserved my attention just as much as DD had had when she was born, so I could take him to groups, meet up with friends & just bond with him.
DD was fine with it, as she loved nursery.

HeyItsPickleRick · 22/02/2022 21:06

And the childminder was very judgemental. It's difficult looking after multiple kids and running a house with no family support. My husband is great but with both I get nothing done all day then we both spend all evening catching up and doing dinner and bedtime routines. Hats off to anyone who thinks it's a breeze but I'm looking forward to going back to work!!! Evenings will still be domestic drudgery but at least it will be following a day of mental stimulation sat on my arse rather than being physically tired and starved of adult company.

fixyourgardengate · 22/02/2022 21:06

If you can afford it why wouldn't you?

Mine were reasonably close (17 months) and my lovely mother offered to continue having DS on her days and to pay for him to go to his childminder on the 2 days he went there.

Good for DS routine, meant I could actually nap with the baby and there was no huge resettlement issue when I went back to work when DD was 6 months.

Namechange12312 · 22/02/2022 21:06

Yes my dd went 2 mornings a week. Then when I had my third my middle had her funded hours so she went 3 days a week. She had way more fun there than with me! Plus I have summer borns that need to be ready for school so it made sense to send them. I wouldn’t have sent them more than 3 days but that’s just what felt right for us. Do what is right for your family. Two is fun in lots of ways but it’s also hard going on you and it’s nice to have that one on one time with the newbie.

I also made a special effort (and still do) to spend one on one time with the older child, leaving baby with a family member for a few hours. They can find it hard especially at first going to nursery knowing you’re at home with the baby (they think you’re having a whale of a time rather than the reality of catching up on washing etc!).

OinkyO · 22/02/2022 21:07

Really weird thing for a childminder to say too. Does she want people not to use her services?

SickAndTiredAgain · 22/02/2022 21:07

Im due with DD2 in May, and DD1 will still be going to nursery while I’m on mat leave. We are reducing her days from 4 to 3 though, to save money and have her home with the baby and me for a day.

Pregnant02 · 22/02/2022 21:08

I’m due my second soon and plan on keeping DS aged 2 in nursery throughout my maternity leave for the following reasons:

  1. he thrives on routine
  2. he needs the support with his social skills and I don’t want to take him out when he’s making good progress in this area now.
  3. I need to be able to rest and recover following giving birth
  4. it would be nice to take the baby to a baby group / class solely based on them.
  5. it took DS a long time to settle into nursery, I cannot see the point of taking him out to then put him back in 9 or 12 months later!
  6. it will be nice to be able to have a nap in the day if I need it!

However I will be cutting down his hours and he will be doing short days compared to the longer days he does now (which are a necessity due to our working hours) In our case he will stay have more days at home than at nursery so I think it’s a good balance and will be needed by everyone!

I would think twice about using a childminder who makes that sort of comment to be honest.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 22/02/2022 21:08

Yes, DS1 age 3.5 still goes 3 days a week. 2.5 of those days are funded, as he did before DS2 9 weeks old was born.

DS1 loves nursery, it keeps him in a routine, it gives me quality time with DS2, just like I did with DS1 when he was a newborn. Its a no brainer decision for me!

GrendelsGrandma · 22/02/2022 21:09

Hmm that childminder sounds less than great!

Why would you take your toddler out of a fun, challenging environment to sit at home and watch you feed and burp a baby all day? Why would you want your baby's naps disturbed by having a toddler charging past and throwing toys and whatever else?

Even if they're at nursery, there's time enough for you to be looking after both and everyone to learn how to get on together. Personally I think it's best for everyone if the toddler stays in nursery. Babies are boring!

eatyourcrustspls · 22/02/2022 21:10

My son started preschool when I had DD. He went everyday 9-3. He loved it. Then lockdown struck and he was at home 😂

MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 22/02/2022 21:10

I had my second during the first lockdown, so nurseries were shut and DC1 was home all the time when DC2 was born. You have no idea how relieved I was to get her back in when they reopened, I practically threw her out the car! She loved nursery and it gave me some 1:1 time with the baby, if it’s financially viable I’d really recommend it, I found looking after the two of them 24/7 a bit of a shock to the system when I’d obviously not planned for it to be that way.

SockQueen · 22/02/2022 21:10

Yep, DS1 was 2y8m when DS2 was born and continued nursery 3 days a week. It was good for all of us tbh, the only downside was the cost until his free hours started!

CoalCraft · 22/02/2022 21:11

DD will be around 20 months when DC2 is born and I have every intention of keeping her in nursery. In fact we plan on increasing her days from three to four a couple of months before the birth and maintaining that afterwards. This is partly because there's a decent chance DC2 will have to spend some time in hospital at birth and this way DD will have somewhere familiar to go while I'm in NICU, partly because I found the early months with DD quite hard even without a toddler running around and partly because DD absolutely loves nursery and benefits hugely from it. I honestly think she prefers it to home as she's a busy little lady and we have a hard time occupying her fully.

I'm trying not to feel too much guilt about. I do twinge with regret that I'll be spending more week days without DD than with her, but I think it'll actually do her good.

HogDogKetchup · 22/02/2022 21:13

I kept my toddler in 3 days a week. I worked 3 days a week so that was normal for us.

Obviously a major factor is I can afford to.
I think it’s good for him, he gets alot from nursery - personally I think it’s really valuable and offers more than just supervision. Also allows me a little break from juggling two and I have been able to do the baby groups etc and catch up on life admin, shopping, housework. I don’t have any outside help and my husband works away a lot - he’s not often home at weekends either, so I would have really struggled without it I think.

Imissprosecco · 22/02/2022 21:15

I'm due to give birth to my second any day and I fully intend to keep my 2 year old in nursery for 2 days a week. He loves it, it's good for him and I want to be able to do some things with the baby without a toddler around (and will probably also use the time to clean!).

Calmestofallthechickens · 22/02/2022 21:16

My son didn’t go to childminder (wasn’t an option on SMP) and it was really hard on me, I’d recommend giving yourself some semblance of a break if you can.

My son also spent a lot of time watching tv/waiting for my attention because I was breastfeeding or getting the baby to sleep, and it was harder to go out to fun places. I think he would have had a more exciting and educational time at nursery or childminder…. if your childminder doesn’t think her setting adds anything over a frazzled sleep deprived mum looking after a baby then she doesn’t rate herself that highly….

Jamnation · 22/02/2022 21:17

Yes but we reduced their hours a lot. Quite apart from being rude, CM's comment makes no sense unless you are talking about having toddler in childcare FT.

CloudPop · 22/02/2022 21:21

@Wowcherarestalkingme

Yes for a number of reasons. Mainly because that was his routine and I didn’t want to disturb it but also because I needed that time to deal with the new one, even if just a few hours a day. It worked out well for us as my youngest was in the NICU for the first month and I didn’t have to stress about childcare for my eldest at the same time. Odd comment from your childminder to be honest, I wouldnt take any notice
100% agree with this.
89redballoons · 22/02/2022 21:22

Sounds like the childminder was doing herself out of some work there Hmm

I'm 34 weeks pregnant with DC2. DS1 was due to start nursery this September but when I found out I was pregnant I moved his start forward to January just gone, so he'd be settled by the time the baby arrived.

He's only in nursery 2 days a week but he absolutely loves it and I will definitely be keeping him there throughout my mat leave. Same as everyone else says - DS1 keeps his structure and routine, and has something to do outside the house where he still gets just as much attention as he did before the baby was born. I get some time to spend with just the baby, so we bond like I did with DS1 and I can maybe catch up on sleep and housework.

I think the only reason you wouldn't do it is money. Luckily for us DS1's 30 free hours kick in when my enhanced maternity pay runs out so it's just about affordable.

chocolateoranges33 · 22/02/2022 21:24

Yes I did - would recommend it so long as it is affordable. It meant I could recover better from a c-section, I got to spend time getting to know my new baby , whilst my oldest stayed in his routine and enjoyed his usual activities that I wasn't able to take him too due to the baby and c section. Also meant I could nap when the baby did too. Only 12 months between my older DC and this helped me cope.

Classicblunder · 22/02/2022 21:25

@OinkyO

Really weird thing for a childminder to say too. Does she want people not to use her services?
I think a lot of childminders become childminders because they don't want to put their own children in childcare. So they find it strange when people do use childcare - it makes them not very understanding or good with parents.

Not saying this is true of all but most of them where we live anyway.

FTEngineerM · 22/02/2022 21:28

you'll have to look after them both together at some point

That’s a really hilariously stupid response. And one that would ensure me never sending any children to them, ever.

It’s a weird world when you start asking peoples opinions, it’s like they forget there’s 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week.

If the childminder looks after the toddler, what a few hours a day or a few days a week, you still have to look after them FOR ALL THE OTHER HOURS IN THE FUCKING DAY.

And as we all know children like to see every hour on the clock sometimes 🥲.

Can you tell I did it ? and got loads of judgement

Wnkingawalrus · 22/02/2022 21:35

Not much, thanks to f’ing covid!

DC1 was at a nursery that did school hours/term time only and should have done a couple of “full days” a week. They were due to start school in the September so I felt it was an important part of preparing for that, not to mention the social side for them.

Then LD1 came so we all had months at home and DC1 ended up back at nursery 3 mornings a week for half a term!